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The Nurse Knows...

I am a nurse, and was on duty running the ER I had no idea what was happening. The experience involved visuals but more ...feelings. Profound, never-before felt feelings of love, kindness and joy. Elation. Complete calm. I was fully dressed in the hospital bed. In this "waiting room", as I aptly select to term it, was bathed in bright, golden light. I was wearing a light grey yoga-type garment.

I could not see the feet of the line of radiant individuals who were and standing in a tight line in front of me. I clearly received the feeling that they were very surprised that I was there. I did not recognize them. Their images were blurred at the edges. No facial features, light blue in color. They would not allow me to see what was in the west nor could I proceed in that direction. The light was coming from the east and I was not permitted to turn around. There was an "I" (younger version of me) sitting on the "floor" with my back to the light. My current version of "I" was behind. I remember my sitting body was looking at the floor [which was no floor...I could not physically feel it]. It was as if I was sitting on air. I could not see a floor. My hair was dark auburn brown as it had been prior to my using color on it. It was in a high ponytail. I have not worn it that way for quite sometime and likely never will again. No words were spoken. All communication was in the form of profound "feelings". I was not sure what to do. I felt as if I was expected to wait, so I did.

I woke up to a handsome Brazilian physician with a blade and ET tube about 1mm from my lips. I politely asked him what he was doing. The code team sat me up. I was freezing and began going out (I had been treated with Dilaudid IVP) several times. I continued to receive Narcan (in the ER doctors attempt to "bring me back"/revive me). Blood gasses during and after the arrest indicated O2 sat of 60% and lower. My heart was in chaotic electrical activity and when transferred to CCU, 2nd and third degree block. I was freezing and had rigors. I was reportedly out for 30 minutes, but time seemed to be a few seconds. I just waited. The physician who had ordered the narcotic pain relief was completing a history while sitting in the chair in front of the hospital bed so this arrest was thankfully witnessed. I went into respiratory arrest at first then cardiac dysrhythmias.

For the first month I considered my experience to have been an honor. I did not have a life review then, but seem to be having an ongoing one now, as I am remembering random things from my past on an ongoing basis. I do not feel as though something here is unfinished. I would much rather have stayed there. My grandfather (long deceased, but who continues to "hang around") visited my mother (who lives 2000 miles away) during the timeframe of my hospitalization prior to my becoming stable. He didn't say anything, just looked at her with a sad, concerned look. 

Within 60 days of the experience, I began having electrical problems in my town home. My dogs would not let me out of sight. My blackberry crashed. My direct TV receiver completely crashed. In 90 days I moved from South Florida with my boyfriend. He had U-verse without event until I moved in. It goes out in the room I am in most of the time. My computer completely crashed and my laptop does not work right. A brand-new vacuum cleaner's motor just stopped, no more to function.

I am different now. At my new job one of my associates stated, "There is something about your eyes. I knew that from the time I met you. You know stuff". Yes I do. I am mostly receiving negative feedback regarding this event. But as an ER nurse, I know that what I experienced was very real. As I go forward, I am having many epiphanies. But I also took a long time to physically recover. I was weak for weeks; I was emotionally and physically taxed  - I'd never before felt THAT kind of tired. 

Whatever my medical records say, they may not tell the REAL story of what happened to me during that time. I have been regressed many times by Dr. Brian Weiss MD at conferences. I correlate the place that I was during my coding/NDE with the places I have seen and experienced in regressions. It felt like the "Zero Point".

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