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A Panoramic View of Myself

I was in a near-fatal car accident in 2010 when I was 21 years old. I had been drinking and a few minor problems with a relationship led me to the point where I got in my parents car while heavily intoxicated. I drove off and all I could think about was "I have to kill myself" or "something needs to happen so I don't make it home." It was around 1:45 a.m. to 2:00 a.m. in the morning and I remember driving down the center of a winding road going 90 mph just thinking that "something needs to happen" or that "I have to kill myself." I drove to the point where I see the junction of the local four-lane highway and I remember thinking "this is it, I'm running out of time" and I looked left in the distance for vehicles traveling south and then looked right for vehicles traveling north...I didn't want to harm anyone but myself. I then woke up in a helicopter being flown to the hospital. What occurred between the time of seeing the highway and waking up in the helicopter was something else.

I found myself in darkness, feeling happy and euphoric. I had never felt that feeling before. I could see myself walking slowly from above and behind, but I had no figure. I just knew it was me. I had this feeling the darkness was actually a giant room even though I couldn't see it. I just knew it was a cubed room. As I watched myself walking in this darkness I saw a grayish circle underneath following me. Even though I was watching myself walk from above and behind, I was also in first person view but could not see my body. I had no thoughts of what had happened or where I was, I just felt amazing and then out of nowhere I woke up in the helicopter.

I thought nothing and felt nothing. I looked around the helicopter and immediately passed out. I would wake up and pass back out throughout the next couple days, but I never did see this dark place again. Afterwards during recovery I constantly could see pictures of angels, demons, etc., in the most bizarre places. I could look at our bathroom tile that had a marble design and pick out these pictures. When I slept I would have dreams of demons and angels. Seeing these only lasted for about a month and to this day I cannot look at something abstract and pick out pictures as detailed as I saw as I did then.

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