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The Nexus Point

It was summer 2014, the middle of the afternoon on a Saturday. A friend of mine, knowing that I am keen to the ingestion of nootropic [Enhances mental functions] substances,

suggest I try a new chemical compound called phenylethylamine. He is a body builder and had introduced me to many supplements in the past which also were supposed to illicit "feelings of well-being". I researched the chemical online to determine it was safe. What I didn't know is that when combined with green tea extract it becomes a 1000 times more powerful, as the green tea extract is a mono oxidase inhibitor allowing the phenylethylamine to pass the blood brain barrier with ease. I felt fantastic for a second with hyper-vigilance and increased cognition. Then it hit me, I violently purged my body of the substance as my heart rate and blood pressure elevated to a level of extreme discomfort. I left the restroom exclaiming "I am dying!" Yes! Finally!" "I am dying!...YES!"- I repeated several times in disbelief but in an ecstatic manner. I freaked my friend out, he thought he'd just killed me.

I am not suicidal and never have been, nor had I ever seen death as a good thing before. My brother died and it was a bad experience. Out of nowhere, a switch went off in my mind that allowed me to realize that death was a hidden secret and the greatest experience one gets to have in their life. I was so certain of impending doom one second and then the next, unexpectedly, overwhelmingly relieved that I was about to die. It was extremely counter-intuitive. I wanted to say goodbye to my family but realized that I was saying goodbye to them simply by dying. My perception and memories of them were all dying with me. My ability to witness them die was also dying with me. It felt as if everyone was dying, not just me. I felt myself becoming, what I later described as, a "nexus" [Central link; cell membrane inter-cellular communication and adhesion] or nodal point in space(the cosmos?). I'm still uncertain what this meant, but at the time it was highly profound and significant. It felt as if all the information in the universe, not just my life and past memories of loved ones, was also trying to dye with me. This might have been the "life flashing before your eyes" phenomena. I miraculously made it into an ambulance, during this transitional phase, where I exclaimed over and over how I was dying to the paramedics. I was certain they could not save me.

And then it happened...I was dead. Not near death, actually dead. It was then that my physical identity as well as my ego seemed to completely vanish as I became indistinguishable from my 'surroundings'. Very hard to explain. Cognition ceased but I felt omniscience and had no ability to sense time. The sensation of other beings was felt, but they were all connected to me and we were the same entity sharing all information that could possibly be known. I looked through the eyes of every living organism past/present/future simultaneously in one instance. I felt the living essence of every consciousness. No time was present. It seemed that Time had died, not me. I would not describe this as experiencing an afterlife, rather it was the experiencing of every possibility all at one instance, or being free from bodily perceptions of time that I had been caged within my entire life.

Then I woke up to who I thought must be Gods and demanded more answers as to the new world I was just birthed into. Time had come back to life. Why was I asking questions, when just a moment earlier there were no more secrets to ponder? Because, I was in the hospital. After ranting about my inevitable death and how pleasurable it was a paramedic had slipped a needle in my neck to sedate me, I'd later hypothesize, but I am still unsure as to what happened. I had no embodiment at the time. I asked the doctor "what does 'AH'-'NAH'-'RAH'-'TI'-'KAH' mean?" He looked at me as if I were a delusional mess and chalked it up to the sedative. To me I had just come back to the living. They saved my life. Now a year later, my memories of the event seem to keep getting more pronounced as if I comprehended so much information at the time that its going to take me another 20 years to recall those 30 minutes of my life. I know knew why the Egyptians revered death and worshiped it.

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