I was 31, and my family and I moved from NY state to Connecticut. I got a job doing physical labor at a chemical factory. It was intense, and I didn’t really enjoy the work. But I loved the people I worked with.

Over a period of several months, I realized that there was something wrong with me, but I couldn’t really pinpoint what it was.

My energy levels were low, I was short of breath, and my body would get very weak. I went to the doctor and was tested for all sorts of things, but nothing came up. One day at work, I collapsed and was rushed to the hospital. When things looked OK, they released me.

I rested a couple of days, then tried to go back to work. My supervisor told me he wanted me to rest up until I felt better. I rested at home again, but was getting weaker each day. I could barely speak when I was put on an ambulance and taken to the ER. I was treated and sent home. At that point, they noticed my platelet levels were very low. I was to rest up and get seen by a neurologist. No one was sure what was going on with me, just that I had a mysterious blood disease, my body was getting weaker, and I was awake for less and less time each day. I remember thinking, “This isn’t how I thought it would end. I’m just being written out of my own life.”

Three days before my neurologist appointment, I developed an excruciating migraine. I was not able to take any pain medications because they were afraid it would cause brain bleeding. The next 3 days were agony. The migraine persisted, I was vomiting, and struggled to eat or sleep. When I finally showed up for the appointment with the neurologist, they said it was an emergency, and I needed to go to the ER. I was admitted, and got a very nice room. Finally, I was given an injection of a steroid. It was cold, and I could feel it traveling through my body. As soon as it hit my brain, the pain disappeared. I was exhausted and fell asleep. 

I woke up, and was sitting up in my bed when a presence entered the left side of the room. I recognized Him as God/Jesus, though I did not see his body, only His light. Up until that point in my life, I had thought it was unnecessarily belittling to say, “I am not worthy,” when addressing God. But in that moment, I saw that it was simply the truth, that I was not worthy to be in God’s presence. Not because I was less than, but because God was so much greater than I was. There is no way to be worthy of His beauty, love, and presence. It was a fact. Not that He drew any attention to; it was just something you would notice in His presence. He loved me, respected me, and gave me His full attention while He was there. 

Through all I had endured recently, I prayed a lot for God to help me. I felt no response. Now that He was in the room, I asked Him, “Why didn’t you help me when I was so close to death.” He laughed knowingly and said, “You weren’t as close to death as you thought you were.” I understood that while it seemed I was close to dying, I wasn’t actually close to death because it wasn’t my time. In other words, things happen when they are meant to happen, not when it looks like they should happen from an earthly perspective.

I asked what the purpose of this illness was. Instead of speaking, He showed me in an instant all the many ways in which this was a blessing to me, to my family, my co-workers, hospital staff, etc. It built love in the world, and the people around me loved me well through it. 

God then took me by surprise. He asked me, “What do you want to do with your life?” I was amazed at this question because I had always thought I was just supposed to follow His directions. It amazed me that He would ask what I wanted. I responded that I either wanted to be a teacher, or a nurse, because the nurses had taken such good care of my family and me when we were in need. “Whatever you choose to do, I will open doors for you,” He responded. Then, He left. 

My recovery involved re-learning to walk, and building up my stamina to “be human" over a course of 2 years. (It took 5 years for a full recovery.)

I had decided to become a teacher, and began my training. I taught for 10 years. The position I took was foreshadowed by a dream I had, so when I saw the elements play out, I knew it was the right fit. It just so happened, I worked with a person I randomly sat next to in training, and with whom I became friends during that time. I never expected to see her again because she lived in another state, several hours away - we remain very good friends. I retired from teaching last year so that fresher minds can take over that important task.

What struck me so much about the experience was the tangible feeling of respect God has for us. It blows my mind that in His perfection, He holds us in such high regard.