In Dec of 2008 I went in for a check up because I had been feeling low energy and my periods had increased to almost three times a month. After running some tests, my doctor was shocked that I could even function. My blood count was down at a level where most people needed dialysis. I knew my periods had been more frequent and extremely heavy, but I didn’t think anything of it. In reality, I had been bleeding to death. Without immediate attention, I would require a blood transfusion every few days to survive.
I tried to put it off until after my daughter’s graduation from college. But, the doctor convinced me I couldn’t wait. She ordered a hysterectomy as soon as a surgery room could be made available. My body had responded in a physical sense to all I had felt in my heart. With the death of my brother, mother and marriage at times I thought my heart would bleed. The womb is the heart of nurturing. I hadn’t experienced much of that throughout my life. All the emotional stress had taken its toll. I had to stop the bleeding and nurture the life within me. For quite some time I had been eating right, exercising and getting plenty of rest. Now I had to nurture my own spirit the way I had for my clients.
The surgery was performed on December 15, 2008. I could feel myself getting stronger by the day. I had not realized how depleted I had become. I missed my daughter’s graduation, but she was grateful to have many more years with a healthy mother.
On December 29, 2008, I stayed up all night with flu like symptoms. No matter what I did, I couldn’t get any relief. By morning, I developed a fever and had pain below my right rib cage radiating to my back. I called my doctor’s office. They were able to get me in right away. While it was uncommon to have complications this far into my recovery, they wanted to be sure. After my examination, my discomfort escalated. The fever climbed. All the symptoms pointed to a kidney infection. They decided to readmit me to the hospital for IV antibiotics and an ultrasound of the kidney. With that amount of pain, they thought it would be better to have me in a place where I could be observed overnight.
All the tests showed the kidney to be clear of infection or stones. My body was fighting an infection based on the elevated white count in my blood tests. But, they weren’t able to find the source. They kept me on IV antibiotics to give my body a boost. If I felt better the next day, they would release me with a prescription for another ten days. They were confident that whatever was going on in my body, the treatment should take care of it.
With the antibiotic treatment, I began to feel better. In the early afternoon of December 31st they released me. My daughter picked me up, filled the prescription and took me home. She stayed with me for a while, but I told her I would be fine. She had plans to be with her friends and I wanted her to go and enjoy herself. Besides, my boyfriend would be by later to look after me. Reluctantly she left, but assured me she would have her phone with her if I needed something.
Out of nowhere, the pain returned and I doubled over. The fever came roaring back. I looked at the clock and it read 8:00 p.m. I began walking around the house to see if I could find some relief. No matter what I did the pain got worse. My temperature rose to 104. The pain became so severe that my legs gave out from under me and I found myself on the floor curled up into fetal position. I felt a disconnection between my mind and my body. I tried to call my boyfriend, but he didn’t answer. I had a hard time thinking clearly. I had to call my sister. She is a nurse; she would know what to do.
The phone rang and rang. Finally she picked up. She told me to go to the emergency room right away. She told me not to wait for an ambulance, but to call my daughter instead. I called her and within minutes she walked through the door. Even though the hospital was only a few miles away, it seemed like forever to get there. I thought I would pass out from the pain. We registered with the nurse, but she briskly told me I needed to wait my turn. I sat in the wheel chair writhing in pain.
Angels in human form came to my rescue. Those who had been waiting told the nurse they could wait. It seemed obvious to them how urgently I needed to be seen. I thanked each one of them for their act of kindness. The nurse gave me a stern look as she wheeled me into a room. They began to run blood and urine tests. They administered IV pain medication to try and make me comfortable. In spite of the highest doses they could give, my pain still registered at a 10. My white blood count came back high. They decided to transport me to the larger hospital and call in my doctor. When I arrived, my doctor told me she didn’t know what was going on, but they would work until they found the source. I could see the look of concern on her face. I found myself slipping in and out of consciousness. I signed the forms needed to perform the tests, saw my daughter, son and my boyfriend in the room and lost consciousness. The pain became too much for my body and it began to shut down. I could feel myself leaving and in an instant the most beautiful Beings of Light surrounded me. The pain was gone. One stood out among the others and stayed close to me. I realized these were my Angels and knew right away my physical condition was grave. We talked telepathically, no words were needed. I heard the words in my mind. The Light I had seen with my mother showered me with the most incredible amount of love in, through and around me. It was more love than I had ever experienced, filling every cell of my body. It had a radiance like a warm fire on a cold winter’s day. I asked her if my Mom and brother were here and she told me they were. I could see them if I wanted, but I refused. Something inside of me knew if I saw them I wouldn’t want to leave.
I had no awareness of my physical body. I could see they had me on oxygen. My respirations were low and my heart rate was high. I heard the nurses say they weren’t sure I would make it through the night. I viewed my experience like a movie playing out before me. I could hear everything being said, but had no physical attachment to any of it. I only felt an incredible sense of love, peace and warmth. The same feeling I had at church only amplified. I was surrounded by the most beautiful colors of Light; in every shade and hue with rich tapestry like an oil painting by Thomas Kinkade. In this space there wasn’t any sense of time. Every now and then, I was pulled back into my body. As soon as I opened my eyes I felt all the physical pain once more. Each time I awakened, I saw one of the kids or my boyfriend sitting by my side and I knew I was still a part of this world.
As soon as I closed my eyes, I would be back with my Angels and feeling the warmth of their love. For four days, five doctors and specialists ran test after test. I had CAT Scans and X-Rays to determine what was wrong with me. Over the course of those four days, I spent my time between two worlds. I was aware of the Physical, but also aware of my Non-Physical self. When I spent time with my Angels, I looked down at my non-physical arms and body. I saw an outline of form filled with golden white Light that radiated past the faint lines. As if I was a star shining brightly in the Heavens. The Light was fluid, iridescent and connected with ease to the Angels near or beside me. I connected with the stars and the vastness of the Universe. I was a part of everything in existence all at the same time. I took the time to ask questions. There were so many things that I always had suspected the answers to, but still wanted confirmation. I heard the message loud and clear. Our purpose here was to discover unconditional love within ourselves and then offer it to others. We are all on the path. What differs between us is the road we take, the experience we choose and how much we have learned about love. No one road is better or more important than another. It is all a matter of what speaks to your heart and feels like home within. We are here to explore, experience and find joy in the process of living an earthly existence. Our evolution and ascension as a spiritual being happens organically at a time when we are ready to receive it. We are all constantly growing, evolving and changing. But, this isn’t anything we have to force or have a certain skill set for. We are all spiritual beings having the human experience. All those experiences are a little different than the person standing next to us.
“Is it my turn to go?” I asked.
“That is your choice. Right now, whether you live or go on in the nonphysical is up to you. It is always your choice when you want to go. You are given several opportunities in your life to choose to stay on the earth or go Home. So I ask you, what do you choose?” the Angel of Light queried me.
I looked at her and then began to think of my answer. Being here with all of them, I felt so much love and peace. I would have a hard time leaving. Then I thought of my children. They had already been through so much. To lose their mother would be more than they could handle. I couldn’t do that to them right now. I knew in my heart that all of this as I experienced it is timeless. One day I could choose to be here once again.I looked around at all the Angels, the heavens and stars then finally looked back at my Angel.
“I choose to keep living my life on earth.” I said.
As soon as I made my choice, I returned to my physical body aware of my surroundings. Kneeling next to the bed, I saw my doctor in tears trying to wake me. She told me they had finally figured out the cause. I needed to go into surgery right away. My appendix had burst four days prior. They couldn’t figure it out because it wasn’t in the usual place. They finally found the appendix up by my liver. That is why I was in so much pain on the upper right side. They didn’t find it until they did a full body scan. All the CAT Scans had either been of sections above or below that area. In order to save me they had to work fast. I signed the form and they rushed me off to surgery. I saw the worry and fear in their faces, but I knew I would be alright. I had chosen to be here. Through the surgery, they pulled out all the infection they could and repaired the damage. My body fought four types of infection including e-coli, staph and sepsis. What saved my life were the IV antibiotics I had been given the 24 hours prior to my appendix bursting. The antibiotics walled off the infection and kept it from spreading throughout my body. The doctors called me a miracle. They said had I not been in such great physical shape this story would have had a different ending.
The first week of recovery was extremely painful and difficult. There were times they still weren’t sure if I would make it, but my body held its own. I remember thinking, Why did I choose to come back here? Was it really the right choice? But every time I saw the face of my children, I knew it was right. This would be a temporary setback and we would make it through.
I spent 2½ weeks in the hospital. The pain medication kept me sedated while the antibiotics worked on the infection. I ran a fever every night and soaked my sheets in sweat. Every time I opened my eyes, I saw my boyfriend looking back at me. I called him my “black lab” sitting faithfully by my side. He helped me walk to the bathroom, brushed my hair and brushed my teeth. Whatever I needed, he was there to take care of it. After so many years on the fire department, he had extensive experience with medical trauma. But it feels different when it hits close to home. We had been together for six years and been through a lot. A few years back he had survived a heart attack, then the death of my mother and now this.
Eventually I left the hospital with drains still in place to pull out the infection. These stayed in for months. They were concerned the infection could come back once they took them out. I am so grateful for my family, my boyfriend, and everyone who was with me for round the clock care during my illness and recovery. They were all there for me when I needed them the most and in a sense were Angels serving in human form. They will never know how much their love meant to me during that difficult time.
In the middle of May, they released me to go back to work, but only for a few hours. My doctor warned me that it would probably take a few years to fully recover, so I told her it would only take me one year.
After this experience, I made a significant shift in how I viewed my life. I became more determined than ever to live every day as if it were my last. The small things such as being stuck in traffic, or if someone cut ahead of me in line, no longer bothered me. I didn’t want to waste a minute of my precious energy on anything that didn’t matter. My motto became, “If I am not going to remember this five years from now, I’m not going to give it any more thought today.”
Nearly dying changed me. I no longer saw the world the same way. I saw people as connected; all part of the same Source, but living different experiences. I understood how much of our experience is about choice; even when we decide to die. Every experience had purpose and helped us on our path to fulfill what we came here to do. There is no right or wrong, good or bad. It is only our perceptions that make it one way or the other. There is no one true religion or path to heaven. Whatever speaks to our hearts individually is the right path for us. All roads lead back to Source. This created a tremendous growth experience for me. Some people would ask about my experience and listen with genuine interest, for others it was too much to take in. During my last check up when I told my doctor her eyes filled with tears. She said she believed me because for those four days they weren’t sure I was going to make it. She told me how sorry she was, but I assured her there was nothing to be sorry for. They did the best they could with the knowledge they had. They may be doctors, but they are still human beings. Besides, how could I ever trade the experiences I had and the growth as a result. Those days were priceless and have changed my life in a significant way. Everything happens for a reason and what I experienced was an awakening like none other I had ever had. The person going into the hospital was not the same one who came out. One of the side effects of growth and change is the ripple effect. It touches every person who knows you in its own unique way. As a result, some may experience their own growth. For others it will create distance between us, causing a falling away. Change in me always seems to hit hardest with my intimate relationships. It could be argued there were cracks in the foundation long before the earthquake hit. But, the result was usually the same. My boyfriend was a rock for me through my health crisis and recovery. But, he and I didn’t grow at the same rate. I woke up seeing the world in a different way. But, in his eyes the world was the same one as when I went in. Because of my shift, we no longer saw things from the same vantage point. When we tried to reason things through, it was as if I werespeaking a foreign language. I couldn’t expect him to understand where I came from. There was no way for him to understand. He had not experienced what I had. We tried for some time to put us back together, but the harder we tried the more uncomfortable it became. The Universe let me know in every way possible that our time had come to an end. Everything in our life is fluid. Nothing remains the same. Every living thing grows and changes, why would we be the exception? The process is one of the most natural occurrences, and yet we as humans are so fearful and resistant. We want to cling to what we see as security even though what waits for us may be far better than we ever imagine. The more we can let go and flow with change by being in a state of willingness and acceptance, the easier it is to have a positive experience. Now my relationships are deeper, my work is more meaningful and with the purpose of helping others on their path. The person I was before I went into the hospital and the person who walked out are completely different. This experience changed my life forever.