View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Monday, June 2, 2003 - 09:23 am:

Had a reaction to a pill prescribed for headaches. I laid down to sleep and didn’t wake up. My brother was trying to wake me up but, I didn’t not respond. I was up in the corner of my bed room watching him.

He yelled at me and then shook me. I told him to get water, he did and then he stood there. I yelled at him to help me.

"My god she's not breathing!"

I yelled at him to call for help, he did but I could tell that he didn’t want to leave me lying there on the bed. I saw the ambulance crew try to revive me. I could hear what they were saying. I was also not alone, there was a being behind me coaching me as what to say to my brother. I watched as they put me on the stretcher and carried me down the stairs, they were hurrying, and my body was flopping around. I thought that was funny, until I saw my face. I looked peaceful. Now I was afraid. I turned to the being and he pointed for me to look, as I did I saw the ambulance driving away. I saw the doctor put a tub in my mouth. I couldn’t hear any more now but, the being wanted me to watch. I felt a pull, a strong pull from beyond where I was, I didn’t want to go. The being pointed and no words but I could hear it speak, “go now, you are not done”. The pull hurt like being slammed into a wall.

I woke up 3 days latter strapped to the bed. Dr. said I was having night tremors. There is no way to put into words what I was feeling or what I wanted.

I was above my body watching people trying to bring me back. I wasn’t sure just what was happening. The light wasn’t bright more of a glow. I didn’t go to it, it was just there and comfortable, relaxing. I didn’t get scared until I saw my face, I looked dead.

I was pronounced dead at my house, on the way to hospital. I was worked on at hospital. They found a pulse. Inserted a tube.

I keep wondering why I’m still here, and what purpose I have to fill?

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Monday, June 2, 2003 - 09:04 am:

When I went into labor with my second child (I had also had two, 4-month miscarriages), it began very suddenly and violently, with contractions 1 1/2 minutes apart right from the start. When my water broke at home, I knew I was in for trouble. I had already been vomiting all night (a 24-hour bug, I guess), so I felt horrible. Fortunately, we lived only a couple of miles from the hospital, so we were there in no time.

As soon as the nurse checked me, she called the doctor to come to the hospital (it was a Sunday morning). It was comforting to know that my doctor was there - he had delivered all of my siblings and myself, and my first child as well, I trusted him completely.

Within an hour, I was in the delivery room. Things started happening even more rapidly, and there was a lot of commotion and confusion around me. The baby was "sunny side up" and had the cord around her neck! She was also unusually large (9 1/2 lbs.) and I normally weighed around 97 lbs. when not pregnant. I remember my doctor telling me to try not to push any more, and that he was going to have to push the baby back in and turn her because her shoulders were so big. I knew he was also concerned about the cord, although he didn't say that to me. I could just tell by his tone of voice with the nurses. I wanted so much to have a live, healthy baby; I feared this was the last one I would be able to have.

Suddenly there was tremendous pressure and pain, and then I felt as if I were flying backwards through darkness, like I was slipping out through the top of my head. The next thing I remember is hovering up at the ceiling, looking down on the whole scene. The air was warm and stuffy up there and I remembered that heat rises and it was cold outside, so the furnace would be on. I heard one of the nurses shouting, "Doctor, we're losing her!" my doctor snapped, "We're not going to let that happen! You just keep doing what you’re supposed to do!" As I watched, I began to feel a presence beside me. I didn't look to the side, because I didn't need to - I knew it was God. I felt comforted and loved, and looking down on the tense events below, I realized how unimportant one life is in the grand scheme of things. I almost felt sorry for the frantic people working on me - they didn't understand the insignificance of just one life. I could see that the baby was out and she was healthy. That was all that mattered to me.

At that point, I felt a great sadness come over me as I thought of my sweet little two-year-old son at home. I wanted so much to raise my children and be a part of their lives. I had already learned so much about parenting, and I thought that nobody could do as good a job as I could with my children. I said, "God, who's going to raise my babies?" There was a bright flash of light - like I was in the middle of a lightning bolt - and then I don't remember anything until the next day.

I opened my eyes and saw bottles and IVs hanging above my bed. I could feel the IV needles in my right wrist and right ankle. My doctor was sitting by the bed; he and I were the only ones in the room. He patted my hand and said, "There you are! We thought we'd lost you for a moment yesterday!" I answered, "You did lose me! I watched you working on me from the ceiling!" He nodded. "That's possible - it was pretty close there for a while!" My doctor never asked for details, and I told only my husband about the experience at that time. He was supportive, but we never spoke of it again.

It was many years later that I heard something on TV about out-of-body experiences and realized that I wasn't the only person who had one. I'm still careful who I tell about it, because so many people are still very ignorant about issues of the spirit. But I know I felt God's presence, and He let me come back to raise my children.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Monday, June 2, 2003 - 08:52 am:

On April 21, 1999, I was shopping in k-mart and I at the time was pregnant and also a diabetic. My legs felt a little weak and I thought my blood sugar was low but when I took it, it was normal. So I checked out of the store and started my 5 min. trip home. But I turned around and went back to the store. I just wasn't feeling right and so I parked the car and went into the store and told the greeter I needed an ambulance. She went and told the customer service desk personnel that I needed an ambulance. One was called and then 911 called back and ask what was wrong. I told them to tell them that I was a 48 year old pregnant diabetic and I felt weak, that something was wrong. The greeter got a wheelchair and had me sit down. I leaned my head over on her side and she rubbed my head. I told her that I thought I was going to die. I just had this feeling. She said, “baby you are going to be all right”. The ambulance arrived and I got up and walked to the stretcher and layed down, not having any real distress just felt real tired. The paramedic took all my vital signs and got my medical information and he said everything looked good. They ran an emergency run on me even though everything was good. I was wheeled into the ER and just as I was put on the E.R. stretcher I heard the nurse say, “her heart has stopped”. The E.R. doctor said that my “lead was loose” and the nurse said, “no, her heart has stopped”. The E.R. doctor checked me and said, “this woman is dead”.

Well, my friend had followed us to the hospital and he came in the E.R. room and looked at me and said, “do you want me to call your mom”. I said, “no, I'll be out of here in a little bit”. But he said , when he opened the door he did say that but, I never answered. He said they were already working on me. And he said, “ you was gone”.

This is the best part, I will never forget as long as I live if I live to be a thousand, I just walked through the door and I was in another land. The most wonderful and beautiful place I have ever seen. I remember standing in this street that was cobblestone but it was gold and I looked down at my feet and just looked at my bare feet on this beautiful gold street. I walked over to one of the buildings and it was so astonishingly beautiful. I remember taking my hand and rubbing the wall and admiring the beauty. I just stood there and rubbed it. As I began walking down the street I met people and we just knew everything. We exchanged smiles and I said I was looking for my sister and daughter. I knew they were there, it was just a matter of finding them. I was not scared. I had a peace and understanding of everything. I had no memory of my life here. I just knew who was there and I kept on looking at this city that was in front of me. I was walking into the city. It was gold and just casted off all the light in this world. There was no sun or moon but the sky was so beautiful. There was colors of all kinds. The sky was so beautiful. I would stop every now and then and remain to look at my feet walking on this gold street. I then would go to the walls of the buildings and rub them more, so beautiful. There was trees and water so clear. Everyone knew everyone. It was like I had been there forever. I was so happy and had this peace in me that is nonexplainable. At that time I knew everything. I was at peace. I remember just standing and looking around at this beautiful city so, so beautiful. And when I went around a corner of a building I heard my daughter call me and I was so happy I was going to see her. And then a voice said, “it's not your time yet to be here”.

And then I woke up into this hell of a respirator on me. My mom and sister were standing in the corner of my room. I remember my sister asking the nurse, if I came to would I have brain damage and she said, only time would tell. The nurse called my name and said, “do you know what happened to you”. She said, “when you came into the E.R. your heart stopped you went into v-fib and it took us over 4 1/2 minutes to get you back”. I wrote on the paper towel “no, I had been to this city of gold and I wanted to go back”. She said, “when you came in, you died”. And I wrote, “please let me go back, my sister and daughter was waiting on me”. I wanted to go back. I didn't want to stay here. She told me that if God had been ready for me he wouldn't have let me come back. She said, “we worked really hard on you to get you back”

Well from all the shocks I had received, my baby died. I then had to have 3 bypasses and I wouldn't sign for them. I was so critical they let my mother sign for my surgery.

All my life I had been scared of death, but it is the most wonderful experience I have ever had and that includes giving birth. I yearned to return. Even the surgery never worried me because, I knew what was on the other side. so I was just waiting. But for several months after the episode I had this displaced feeling, like I just didn't belong here anymore. My eyes were sensitive to this light. This didn't seem to be my world anymore and I would just cry to go back. Well I told my doctor and he said that patients he has talked to have this same feeling. He asked me if I ever considered suicide. I told him, “no”. He said that some people want to go back and they do this and have these thoughts. I told him, God can take care for me and what he wants for me will be.

I finally got back in the normal flow of life. But, I still think of this daily and I’ll just cry because I am homesick sometimes. I just figured that my life journey here is not finished and there are people I have to share love with and tell what a wonderful world is forever.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Monday, June 2, 2003 - 08:05 am:

Oh has taken me almost 40yrs to get to be able to actually sit here and write this. I was perfectly healthy. I was only a child of 12. I had no idea such things existed.

I went to bed as usual.

Sometime during the night, I felt myself floating face down up at the ceiling in my bedroom. I felt soooo light, and was immediately feeling the most intense feeling of happiness, that it's hard to find the words to describe. I was aware that my body was spirit like, very white and pure. And my thoughts were still the same. I was overwhelmed by just floating. And I remember just thinking after a few minutes how I wanted to leave my room. It was then I seemed to just go through to the outside of my bedroom. Once I was outside, still facing face down, I remember I sort of floated above this tree that was outside my window. It felt like something was gradually drawing me slowly upward. I looked at the houses near ours, and I could see the lights on. I remember how fascinated I was to be seeing the subdivision, gradually get farther away, while I still continued moving higher and higher. I saw the highway and the cars. And still continued feeling this gentle pull, it felt like I was moving in a northwestern direction. I had never been so high before. Never flew on a plane. So this was the first time for me to look down at these things from so high up. As I got higher and higher, I suddenly thought about what if I would fall. Then everything went black, and a VERY authoritative voice said, “NO, GO BACK”. It was like I had no choice. I was made to go back. I can still hear that voice when I think about it; it was like the voice of God or something. A command, no buts about it.

Then I felt myself literally go back into my body. It seemed like I entered back somewhere through my head. I immediately felt the weight of my body, being soooo very heavy, and I didn't want to be back in it. I remember opening my eyes slightly and seeing my chest rise slowly again with breath. It felt so heavy, and I felt so sad. I just laid there, trying to make sense about what happened to me.

I knew it wasn't a dream. I thought I died. I had such a calm. I knew God for whatever reason showed me what it was like to die, and I no longer was afraid of dying. I really wished I could make everyone not be afraid. But what happened to me was so strange, that I was afraid to tell anyone.

I felt sad that whole day, in fact, a little withdrawn. I remember sitting on my bed and my Dad coming in my room, asking what was wrong and, I began to cry, unable to make sense of it all. I told him what happened. He just held me, and just listened. It was several weeks later he had a priest from our Parish talk to me about it. It was then, I learned other people had similar experiences. To this very day, I don't know why some do and some don't.

All I can truly say, it has made such a difference in my life as far as knowing what it feels like to die. And to share the intense joy one feels at that moment. I can say your thoughts or conscience still continues. That our bodies are a heavy mass of flesh and bone. That our spirits are light as breath, and death is just simply leaving our flesh body.

I guess when a baby is born, and the spirit enters the body, that in dying we just make our exit. Only the intense joy and happiness is so beyond words to describe, it just is.

Thank you for letting me share what happened to me as a child not knowing.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Monday, June 2, 2003 - 07:38 am:

The first NDE was an attack. I have a faint memory of being chased and attacked. I became injured when I tried to get away through a wooden fence and a piece of wood went into my abdomen.

Then I was somewhere else, like being inside a cloud. I was very young and was singing to Jesus and a man in a long white gown came and took me by the hand. I first asked him about my pet turtle "Harry"(Momma said Harry had gone to live with Jesus and when you go to live with Jesus you don't come back to your home). He said Harry is OK but it was not time for me to come and live with him.

That was the first one the second one was due to a reaction to a drug given to me in the hospital. My heart had stopped and I was just watching the people work on me not to worried about the outcome. It was about two a.m. and I was out of my body for a while long enough to go down to the nurses station and list to gossip. They all turned very pale when my heart started up and I got up and asked them about the people they were gossiping about. LOL.

The third was also an attack. This time I flew away like superman.

The fourth was illness with another reaction to medicine. I have this disorder called Apnea and I would stop breathing at times when I sleep.

I had written a journal I really have too much to write it all here. I just have never had anyone to talk to about this. At least not anyone that would not label me crazy, new age, demon possessed or a witch. I hope you will have someone I will be able to talk too. Thank-You, and Bless you.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Monday, June 2, 2003 - 07:29 am:

I was drinking very heavy. I am an alcoholic in recovery thanks to what happened.

I had a fight with my girlfriend. She went to bed. I drank and was popping some pills. She came out saw the bottle was gone and phoned the ambulance.

They came and rushed me to the hospital. They pumped my stomach; I was in ICU all hooked up to heart monitor and respirator. I was very awake. I had a very odd feeling sweep through my body; it started at my feet and moved up. I knew I was in trouble. I tried to scream. I saw a woman by my bed. I then hit the pillow. I could here my heart monitor flat line. My breathing stopped.

I started going into a tunnel; I could hear the doctor screaming and a shock rip through my body. I continued down the tunnel. I heard the doctor say, “we are loosing him”. I felt no fear, no pain just serenity like I never knew. The shock was distant and could feel as I started to disconnect from my body. I know I saw my dad who has been dead for many years, he told me I had to go back my work was not done. I saw a bright light and I awoke in the hospital. The nurse said I was dead for 3.5 minutes and they were going to give up on me when my heart started to beat.

So here I am, never fear death again.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Friday, May 30, 2003 - 12:50 am:

This world we live in is truly a remarkable place: so many mysteries to solve, incredible things to marvel at, and so much to learn. But, all things considered, truthfully, there is nothing more remarkable than the power of the human mind, or for that matter, the very existence of our minds within consciousness itself.
Before I delve into my story, I want to tell you that I am a survivor of the “illusion” we call death. I’m also a very lucky person. I say “Lucky,” not because I’ve escaped death on two occasions, but rather, because I was twice afforded the incredible experience of dying… And as a result, I returned with some very profound, life-changing revelations.
Now, this may sound entirely strange, but there is one thing that you can be practically guaranteed. The most incredible experience you will have in this lifetime is dying! Let me restate that… “THE GREATEST SINGLE EXPERIENCE OF YOUR LIFE — WILL BE YOUR DEATH!” See, now there’s something to look forward to. Right?
Now, please don’t get me wrong. The physical pain of say, a heart attack leading up to death, may not be a lot of fun. But the actual act of dying, the actual act of surrendering to the call to return “Home,” is wonderful. It’s like nothing else you will ever experience — at least in this lifetime.
As I mentioned, I have had the great fortune of experiencing death, not once, but twice — a drowning at the age of 12, and a heart attack while playing hockey at the age of 41.
But, before I begin to tell you the story of how these events changed my life, I should also tell you that as recently as 12 years ago I would not have believed a single word I’m about to say. Had someone else told me what I’m about to share with you, I would have suggested they seek professional help.
Now, in order for you to understand where I’m coming from, I think it’s important that I give you a bit of a background about my life. I was born and raised on a small farm in the Canadian prairies. My parents, along with everyone we knew in a forty-mile radius, were German Catholics. They worked hard all week and they went to church on Sundays.
Our poor mother was obviously a creature of habit. She liked the security of a routine, but getting a handle on the rhythm method of birth control seemed to be her undoing. She had no fewer than 8 baby girls in a row, and then, when she figured out what was happening, she promptly gave birth to three baby boys. I was the tenth of eleven children. (I did mention we were Catholic, right?)
Actually, when we were teenagers my brother and I used to joke about having such a large family. We’d tell people that the reason there were so many kids in the family was because our mother was practically deaf… Apparently every night when they went to bed, Dad would say, “Well, Mom, do you want to go to sleep or what?” And Mom would say, “What…?” So, you can see how that sort of thing could get out of hand.
Growing up in such a big family wasn’t easy. Those were the 50’s. The world was recovering from the great depression and war. It was a time when large families were fairly common. For most people, there wasn’t a lot of money to go around, but with 13 mouths to feed in our house; we seemed just a bit poorer than everyone else.
In the years of hand-me-down clothes, shoes and schoolbooks, we often took life on the chin, sometimes bearing the brunt of cruel, hurtful remarks from schoolmates. But, thankfully, we managed to keep our sense of humor. When you haven’t got much, it helps if you can laugh at everything.
One of the things we didn’t joke about, though, was God. That was serious stuff! Stuff you didn’t question too much if you knew what was good for you. You see; we were raised completely immersed in Catholicism. My brother and I were virtually forced into being alter-boys until our early teens. Even our school was a typical Catholic institution; every grade taught by nuns.
Many of you may remember that back in the 50’s and 60’s, the Dogma of most Christian based religions were pretty rigid. The God that we were taught about seemed an all-too-human, punishing, vengeful being. Heck, the mere mention of God practically scared the ‘be-Jesus’ out of us. And that’s the way they wanted it.
In those early years, the Catholic Church, and I suppose just about every other Christian denomination, preached “Fear of the Lord” as a main plank in their religious dogma. If you did this or that, a merciless and vengeful God could fry your butt in hell for the rest of eternity. I always had trouble with that concept. I was not about to believe that God
— if there actually was a God — could possibly be so mean. I couldn’t understand or accept the apparent injustices of our religion. At the very least, I desperately hoped that these things weren’t true.
Suffice it to say, that by the time I reached my mid-teens, I didn’t put a lot of faith in God, or much of anything else, for that matter. I had become a total realist. If I couldn’t see it, hear it, or touch it, I wouldn’t believe it.

* * *

Beyond one significant event, I think most of my childhood wasn’t much different than that of a lot of other kids growing up in the fifties and sixties.
This unusual incident took place on a warm Saturday in July of 1963, when I was just 12 years old. It was an exciting day for my little brother and me. Our cousins from the city had arrived for a weekend visit, and we had a lot of plans. The occasion was especially important for me. My cousin, Brian, and I were best friends. We were the same age, we liked the same things, and we shared the same fantasies. Unfortunately we weren’t able to spend a lot of time together, so whenever we had a chance to visit we tried to make the best of it. It was bound to be a fun weekend.
About a half mile from our farmhouse was a water reservoir the department of highways had dug beside a graveled road. The purpose of these little ponds was twofold: they provided the road builders with the dirt they needed to build the road, and the remaining hole provided valuable storage for run-off water from the summer rains and melting snow in the spring.
My brother, Dale, and I had always been warned not to go near the dugouts. We couldn’t swim a stroke and had no one to teach us. Our cousins, however, had taken lots of swimming lessons in big swimming pools, and as a result were very good swimmers.
We hadn’t planned on going near the overflowing dugout; we were just crossing a pasture looking for prairie dogs when one of the cousins noticed the pool of water. Tied to a stake at one end of the dugout was a small wooden raft our neighbor’s kids had obviously abandoned. Well, it was just way too tempting to pass up. Before long we were all aboard the raft, bobbing precariously, paddling around in the middle of the twelve-foot-deep pond.
Everything was going great until the older of the cousins discovered that my brother and I couldn’t swim. Realizing that we were actually afraid of water, he thought it would be great fun to violently rock the raft while the rest of us hung on for dear life.
On the wet, slippery planks, I suddenly lost my balance, and the next thing I knew I was toppling backwards into the water. Terrified, I didn’t have the presence of mind to even try to swim. With numbing quickness, shock overcame me; my head slipped below the surface and, before I knew it, I was sinking to the bottom. In my panicked state, it wasn’t long before the last bubbles of air had escaped me, and my lungs quickly filled with water.
I had always imagined that drowning would be a horrible way to die: the mental terror while your lungs desperately screamed for air. But it wasn’t like that at all… In fact, as soon as my lungs filled with water, the struggle ended. There was no more suffocating or fighting for air. Instead, an absolute peace came over me.
With my eyes wide open, I slowly sank towards the bottom. The water grew darker and darker, and soon I was up to my ankles in mud. Perhaps I had pushed with my feet, but ever so slowly I began to float upwards. Within a few moments I was nearing the surface. I could see and feel the warm sunlight radiating into the water. My head briefly broke through, and then in a dream-like state, without fear or panic, I began to sink again.
My senses numbing, I felt no particular discomfort, just the greatest urge to go to sleep. Soon I could feel my feet sinking again into the mud, and then everything seemed to grind to a halt… Time stood still as I hung suspended in the water, my surroundings quickly fading. Finally, too tired and sleepy to be concerned, I simply let go and drifted into the blackness…
The next thing I knew, I snapped back into consciousness, opening my eyes to a most amazing sight. I was being literally bathed in a shimmering kaleidoscope of beautiful warm colors. Swirling and gyrating, they seemed to pass right through my body into the core of my being. It felt as though I was still surrounded by water, but somehow I had gotten into in a beautiful, comfortable bubble. Mysteriously, the colors seemed to be causing a strange but wonderful vibrating sensation throughout my body, each shade carrying its own distinct vibration.
I had never felt more alive and energetic. Fully in awe of the warmth and beauty of my surroundings, I had a profound sense that something important was happening… I had somehow changed. It occurred to me that perhaps I had died. And for some reason, I recalled the story of Tom Sawyer, the part when he was believed to have drowned in the Mississippi and arrived home to witness his own funeral.
Suddenly, I went literally shooting out of the water into the air, and a moment later I found myself hovering over the choir loft in the back of our church.
It felt so incredibly strange. Here I was, floating around in our church, anxiously suspicious; awaiting my own funeral. And then I noticed there wasn’t a soul in the church. If this was my funeral, I thought, where were all the people…? I would have expected to see my mom and dad, my brothers and sisters, and all of the other people who normally went to church. But there was no one there, and I hadn’t a clue what to make of it.
Fascinated, I continued to float over the empty pews marveling at the strangeness of the situation. I was actually flying. And there didn’t seem to be anything holding me up. How could this be? I hadn’t read anything about Tom Sawyer flying. Puzzled, I floated quietly for several moments, deep in thought.
All of a sudden, my entire being was jolted by a terrible convulsion. Spasms erupted through my stomach… The next thing I knew, I was back on the shore of the dugout spewing water from my lungs, desperately gasping for air. My face bouncing in the mud, cousin Brian had his arms locked around my waist, dangling me upside down, draining the water from my body. Sick to my stomach, I vomited for a couple of agonizing minutes.
When I finally began to get my wits about me, I looked up to see the white, horrified faces of my brother and two cousins. Their eyes were like saucers. We were all, to some degree, in a state of shock. And to make matters worse, we also knew we were going to be in big trouble when we got home.
For several minutes we sat quietly beside the dugout, resting and contemplating what had just happened. Chances were we would get a good whipping if anyone found out about it, so we made a pact to never tell another soul. Then, walking as slowly as possible to dry our clothes, we headed home.
Still pumped with fear and adrenaline, Brian wasn’t feeling very well. He told me he thought for sure that I was dead because I’d been under for such a long time. He had spent several terrifying minutes frantically diving and groping around in the murky water. When he finally found me in the mud at the bottom, it took every ounce of energy his 12-year-old body could muster to get me to the surface.
As Brian told me these things, I put my arms around my little brother and hugged him. He had been deeply affected. Unable to speak, tears flowed from his wide eyes, rolling down his freckled cheeks.
As we walked back to the farm, Brian and I began to lag behind the other two. I told him about the strange things that happened while I was in the water. I told him about thinking of Tom Sawyer’s funeral, about floating in mid air in the church, and about my surprise that there were no people in the building. Brian made a simple observation. Of course there wouldn’t be any people in the church. It was four o’clock in the afternoon, and Saturday to boot.
I told him about all the bright colors that surrounded me in the water. But what I was recounting seemed strange even to me. I remember saying “Jeez, I didn’t know you could feel colors.” Brian, however, didn’t say much of anything. Maybe he thought I had water on the brain or something, because I’m sure this couldn’t have sounded very rational.
I told him again about what it was like to fly. He listened quietly, and then as if he hadn’t heard my comments, he asked, “Tom Sawyer? Why would you think of Tom Sawyer?” I assured him that I hadn’t the slightest idea, but reiterated that everything seemed so absolutely real.
“Jesus, Paul,” he scolded, “You scared the hell out of us. I couldn’t find you. I was praying like crazy. It’s a good thing you ain’t dead, cause they’d sure be killing the rest of us when we got home.”
When we finally reached the farm, although exceedingly nervous, we tried to be as cool and nonchalant as possible. As twelve-year-olds, we were probably far too nonchalant. It must have been so terribly obvious that we were hiding something, because it didn’t take any more than about ten minutes and the cat was out of the bag.
I can’t remember who finally spilt the beans, but the result was fairly dramatic. After a lot of yelling, cussing, and recriminations, there were two kids given a very sound strapping on that day, and oddly enough, I was one of them.
It was a strange experience, to say the least. My little brother and cousins had been horrified, our parents extremely upset. I, on the other hand, hadn’t experienced it as a horrible thing at all. And I couldn’t understand why every one was so uptight. I was still alive and feeling just fine.
On thinking back to the event, it occurs to me that at no time in my young life did I ever attach to the experience any kind of a spiritual or religious significance. Even though I had ended up in a church, it didn’t seem to carry any consequence or lasting affect… At least that’s what I thought at the time. Although I could never forget the incident, I just didn’t spend a lot of time thinking about it in the following years. I could not, however, have even begun to imagine the importance this event might hold until much later in life.
Back then, I had been extremely grateful to my cousin, Brian, for saving my life, and I told him so, repeatedly. But not once did I think of thanking God. In retrospect, I’m sure glad that God doesn’t hold any grudges. Well, at least I hope he doesn’t.

* * *

Life, as we all know, is a continuous series of steps and lessons. Normally what we understand about ourselves becomes less of a puzzle as we grow older. But, little did I know, that up to that point in my existence, things were never entirely within my control. So much of my life had been guided and assisted; preparing me, I believe, for the dramatic, life-changing experiences that lay ahead; experiences that would rock my world and challenge even my most basic concepts of reality.
When I finally left home, like a lot of kids in the early 70’s, I drifted around working at odd jobs here and there, until I landed a job as a disc jockey in a Rock & Roll radio station. I would end up spending nearly 10 years in the broadcasting industry, working for various radio and television stations in Canada.
Eventually I got married, started a family, bought a business, and settled down. So, basically I led what most would consider a completely normal life. Normal, that is, until one Sunday morning in November of 1992.
I had been an athlete and hockey player all my life. But, by the age of 41, I was already too slow and old to be playing a young mans’ game, so I contented myself with a position on a local old-timers’ team. It was a lot of fun, and we got a bit of exercise at the same time. We were, however, your typical ‘weekend warriors’ — going from relative inactivity during the week, to all out battles on weekends. It was during one of these robust outings that providence dealt me another unexpected hand.
As I recall it was a fairly warm day for late November. Although my leg muscles felt a bit stiff, everything else seemed pretty normal as I made my way to the arena for our regular Sunday morning scrimmage. Looking forward to a good workout, I laced up my skates and headed out onto the ice with the rest of my team. It wasn’t long before we were fully engaged, racing up and down the ice, firing frozen pucks at our aging goaltenders.
After only a few minutes of play, I was becoming surprisingly tired, when suddenly, in mid stride, it felt like I had hit me in the chest with a sledgehammer! I had no idea what was happening. My legs nearly buckled beneath me. Utterly exhausted, I staggered off the ice.
I couldn’t believe how winded I had become. Even after several minutes on the bench, I still struggled to catch my breath. And, to top it all off, a sharp, deep pain had begun to develop in my left elbow. It was certainly puzzling. I couldn’t remember hurting my elbow and had no idea why it should be so sore. The pain, however, seemed to grow more severe with each passing moment. Extremely nauseous and sweating profusely, I was beginning to think that I had perhaps come down with a bit of food poisoning or a severe flu.
As the minutes dragged, the pain in my elbow became unbearable, my breathing difficult and labored. It was obvious that I was too sick to continue playing, so I decided to go home. Heading to the dressing room, I changed into my street clothes, and in less than five minutes I was ready to leave.
My equipment bag in tow, I finally pushed the door open and, struggling to keep my balance, staggered into the hallway. I was beginning to think that my problems might be more than just food poisoning. Instead of heading home I should be going to the hospital. Fortunately, an alert rink attendant took one look at me, and rushed off to call an ambulance.
With each passing minute my condition seemed to worsen. Before long, I was leaning against the wall, trying desperately to maintain my balance. Just the simple act of breathing was agonizingly painful. No longer able to stand, I dropped to my knees, and slumped to the floor just as a couple of my teammates popped around the corner to see how I was doing. Alarmed, they got busy propping up my head on a towel as the rink attendant returned to announce that an ambulance was on its way.
Soon the rest of the team gathered around me in the hallway. Their hushed tones and concerned looks told me that this probably wasn’t one of my better days. Closing my eyes, I tried to ignore the numbing pain. Slowly I began to drift towards sleep.
The sound of running feet and clattering wheels on the concrete floor jarred me back to awareness. I opened my eyes as two ambulance attendants aided by a couple of my teammates lifted me onto a stretcher. In a moment, we were whizzing through the halls of the arena and out the front doors into the waiting ambulance.
The female EMT quickly strapped an oxygen mask to my face, and the siren wailed as we moved quickly out of the parking lot and onto the street. She asked my name and address, but as I tried to respond, it sounded like I was speaking in an empty barrel, my voice strangely hollow. I fell silent… Aware that the young lady was trying to get my attention, I heard only a distorted hum and wasn’t sure what she was saying. I tried to concentrate on her words, but it appeared to be a useless struggle.
It was then that I became aware of a strange buzzing sensation building in my ears. The sound grew louder and louder, and for the first time I began to experience real fear. I started to panic, but as hard as I fought to maintain control, it seemed to be a losing battle. Soon I was struggling to keep my eyes focused. Everything began to turn hazy and then, with the sound of whooshing air, the world around me began to close in. Within moments I could no longer see nor hear. An eerie gray mist flooded my perception, carrying me deeper and deeper into darkness. Nervously, I waited for whatever would be coming next…
Time seemed to slow… Dimly, I languished, drifting to the edge of consciousness; lost in my fading thoughts. Suddenly, from deep within, came the abrupt sound of a loud, pinging bell. Crashing into my awareness, it jolted me to the core. Then, to my surprise, I started to move…
Slowly, like a feather wafting on a breeze, I lifted off the stretcher and into the air. It was a peculiar feeling. Although somewhat similar to my previous out-of-body experiences, I knew that this time I was definitely not in control. And the pain, so excruciating just a moment before, simply evaporated.
From a deep darkness, my vision slowly began to open up around me. The next thing I knew, I felt myself bumping against the roof of the ambulance. I watched the paramedic below me as she adjusted the oxygen mask on my face and quickly checked the time on her wristwatch.
Having experienced a touch of fear a few moments earlier, I now wondered why I had been so worried. Although I realized this might be the last time I would be leaving my body, I was doing just fine. I knew I was dying, and I began to consider the consequences.
“Jesus,” I thought, “Candace is going to be off.” I remembered that just a couple of weeks earlier she had been giving me hell for thinking that I could just run off and play hockey without first getting into proper shape. In all the years that we’d been married, she had never brought up that concern. But she had her reasons. Just a few months earlier, a friend of ours had died of a heart attack after an evening of floor hockey. Several weeks later, another friend barely survived a heart attack at the age of 39. “You’re not 20 anymore,” she warned. “You’re 41. Do you want to kill yourself?”
I had, of course, just laughed her off. “What are you talking about?” I argued. “I’ve never been in better shape.” Now I wondered if this would be my contribution to “famous last words.”
The reality of leaving her and the kids behind preyed on my mind, and I felt a touch of sadness. Then suddenly, without the slightest warning, I found myself floating in the living room of my home. Our daughter, Stacey, had spent the night at a friend’s house. Candace and David, however, were scurrying about, getting ready for church service, and I remembered it was Sunday morning.
I loved my family intensely, but I knew that although it would be tough on them for a while, they would survive. Even though they hadn’t had direct experience, they too understood that we don’t really die, we just move on to a different realm. I was confident that they would be just fine and someday we’d be together again. Whispering a sad goodbye, I felt a shift in perception, and a moment later, I was back near my body.
As I floated again inside the ambulance, I began to feel a tug — something pulling at me. Then slowly, as if being drawn by some unknown force, I started to move upwards, eventually pushing right through the roof. The sensation was incredible! I could feel the various layers of materials, the fabric, the insulation, and finally the metal, passing through my body as I slowly emerged into the crisp morning air.
Rising to a height of about 20 feet, I flew alongside the ambulance as it roared through the streets. After a few blocks, however, the tugging became more and more intense. Somehow I knew it was time to go. Then, without the slightest concern or apprehension, I simply let go, relaxed, and surrendered to the pull. In a moment the streets, the houses, and finally, the ambulance faded into a deep gray mist.
A tremendous state of euphoria swept through me. My body may have been dying, but I had never felt better. The mist around me grew steadily thicker, turning to black. Soon I found myself floating in what I could only describe as a deep dark void. Remarkably, I wasn’t afraid… Instead I became increasingly energized with delight and anticipation. Powerful vibrations coursed through my being. And then, like a jet accelerating down a runway, I started to move through the darkness. Before long it felt like I was moving at a tremendous rate of speed. In the distance ahead, I began to see a pinpoint of light, and I could barely contain my excitement. The urgency and yearning to reach the light became totally consuming. It seemed I had waited so long for this moment. I was finally going home, and there was nothing I wanted more…
Oblivious to everything else, I was totally absorbed in my goal when, suddenly, a huge spasm virtually exploded through my awareness, jarring every particle of my being. In the next instant, I was back inside my body.
God, I couldn’t believe the assault on my senses! I was now in the emergency room at the hospital. The incredible pain had returned, flooding through my body in waves. Stunned, I knew only one thing for sure. I didn’t want to be back!
A nurse struggled to get an I.V. needle into a vein in my left wrist while a doctor barked his instructions. Everything around me seemed too bright, too harsh! My jacket and shirt were pulled back, exposing my chest. And I found myself screaming, “No, please, this is a mistake. Let me go. Please let me go,” but the words seemed caught up in my mind; there was no sound.
In a surreal haze, I could see and hear everything around me, but I had lost control of my body. I felt like a rag doll as the doctor pulled off my shirt and flopped me back down onto the table.
While one of the doctors was busy injecting me with drugs, another brought his face down right in front of mine. Slowly, but firmly, he spoke to get my attention. “Paul,” he said, “you’re having a heart attack. You’ve got to relax.”
The words seemed bizarre and incomprehensible. Me, having a heart attack? Ridiculous! And if it was true, how the hell did he expect me to relax?
The relentless pain continued unabated. My chest hurt severely, but it was nothing compared to the pain in my left elbow. If I could have spoken, I would have begged them to cut it off. I would rather have gone through the remainder of my life without my arm than have to endure the unbelievable pain.
I.V. bottles flying, they finally rushed me out of the emergency room and into the intensive care unit. For more than an hour, the doctors worked frantically to clear the blockage from my heart. The pain, although somewhat lessened by the ministrations of morphine, continued to be excruciating. In my numb, horrified state, time dragged agonizingly slow.
The most mind-bending thing about this part of the experience was watching the entire drama unfold before me. It really was intriguing. If I hadn’t been feeling so lousy, I’m sure I would have purely enjoyed watching all the action.
Especially spellbinding, was the mini-drama of the ECG machine as it kept a continuous graphical documentation of my heart rhythm. It would show a steady rhythm of heartbeats, and then, suddenly, it would go crazy. There might be five rapid beats in a row as my heart fibrillated, and then it would stop and miss several beats entirely. Continuing for almost an hour, the crazy random pattern was both scary and surreal. Often when it stopped beating or began missing beats, I wondered if this would be the time when it wouldn’t start up again.
As time wore on, the doctors were becoming increasingly concerned that I would not survive. Eventually they conferred and decided that they had better allow my wife in to see me. As she walked slowly into the room, Candace appeared visibly shaken, but not as badly as I thought she might be. To her credit, not once did she say, “I told you so.” Although she did later confide that she had thought about it.
The situation was becoming critical in more ways than one. If I were to survive, the longer the blood-flow was blocked, the more damage to my heart. Too much permanent damage to my heart muscle wouldn’t leave me with great prospects for a future life.
Finally, after an eternity and an arsenal of drugs, the blockage finally dissolved. I became nauseous for about 30 seconds, and suddenly, like someone had thrown a switch, the pain simply disappeared and I felt instantly better. My heart rhythm returned to normal and so did my physical thought processes. When it was all over, completely exhausted, I fell into a deep, deep sleep.
When I finally awoke, the whole episode felt like a bad dream. I couldn’t believe it had actually happened to me. Several days would pass before the totality of the experience would settle in. My recollection of the pain was all too real, but the memory of the near-death-experience was wonderful.
It seemed like such a peculiar paradox to me; one of the most incredible and wonderful experiences in my entire life had been dying. And for the first time in years, I recalled again my previous encounter with death at the bottom of a murky dugout, when I was just 12 years old. The entire incident flooded back into my mind, releasing with it a myriad of long forgotten childhood memories and emotions. Suddenly, it was all too much to bear. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I began to cry…
Death, I realized, would be a tremendous, glorious event. Rather than something to fear, it was something to look forward to. The physical pain of a heart attack was something I wouldn’t want to repeat, but the actual dying was beautiful.
Strangely enough, although thankful for the spiritual experience, I was also somewhat disappointed. I had read many accounts of other people’s near-death experiences. Some of them had had fabulous encounters with powerful light-beings who guided them through life reviews. This hadn’t happened to me. I hadn’t received the full meal deal, and I felt gypped.

* * *

As is the case with many other near-death experiencers, my encounters seem to have opened within me a psychic doorway to the spirit world. As a result, over the past 10 years I have been blessed with numerous out of body experiences. With the assistance of loving angels and spirit guides, I have been systematically escorted through a series of stunning revelations. From reunions with departed souls to the discovery of soul mates and past lives, my re-education has left me with some incredible insights as to our true identities and purpose in the universe.
Virtually overnight, I have evolved from the mindset of a total skeptic to that of an unwavering believer. — No, let me correct that — I’m not just a believer! I’ve traveled beyond that. I can say, without reservation, that I don’t just believe, I know, without a doubt, that we are so much more than physical bodies. We are part of a much larger body of consciousness. And we can hardly even begin to comprehend the beauty and complexity of our true nature, as incredibly powerful spiritual beings.

* * *

To share some of these profound experiences with others, I have recently completed the first of a series of books. My first offering, The Eyes of an Angel, should be released in the spring of 2004.
You may recall I mentioned that, following my near-death experience, I felt gypped because I hadn’t had the experience of going through a life review. Well, several months following my near-death, while in an out-of-body state, I did in fact meet my own spirit guide, Meldor, who subsequently took me through the complete, astonishing process of a life review.
Following is a brief excerpt from my book, The Eyes of an Angel, which will, hopefully, give you some idea of the lasting power of this remarkable experience.
From Chapter Seven, this is a portion of the dialogue:

A thought had been nagging at me ever since my near-death several months earlier. I had heard about dramatic near-death experiences where people had gone through a review of their lives. I hadn’t made it to that point before being brought back from the other side, and I had wondered what the experience would be like.
Reading my thoughts, Meldor was way ahead of me. “As you are beginning to realize,” he said, “when each incarnated soul returns to its origin, there is no judgment by any other entity. Each soul making the transition is assisted by loving guides in a review of their immediate past life. Very often, perfected higher beings such as the Christ Consciousness, Krishna, Mohammad and other deities — depending on the individual’s beliefs — will be present to offer support and guidance to the returning soul. They do not judge, nor does anyone mete out punishment of any kind. The concept of a judgmental, punishing God is purely dogmatic, a manmade construction. God does not punish. God only loves.”
Completely absorbed in Meldor’s dissertation, I felt the truth of his words resonating in my heart.
“We know,” he continued, “that you have wondered about the experience of a life review, and to further your understanding, we will assist you in this aspect of the higher vibration. Nothing of energy is ever lost. All thoughts, actions and deeds are retained to provide the basis for assessment and reflection. In a moment,” he warned, “you may feel a shift in vibration which is necessary to engage the higher energies that hold the imprint of the life vibration.”
I felt a surge of energy, brief motion, and then suddenly a tremendous montage of images began to play through my mind. Like fanning through the pictures in a photograph album, my life flashed before me. Everything was there. Incidents, events, thoughts long forgotten, good experiences, traumatic and uncomfortable experiences; all whirled by in chronological succession. If at any time I wanted to take a closer look at a particular event, the process would stop and, instantly, like videotape playing in my mind, I would be completely immersed in reliving the occasion. I was on an emotional roller coaster — the highs, the lows, the sadness and grief, along with jubilation and happiness profoundly imprinted my mind.
I could not be sure of the amount of time the processing took. It could have been a minute or an eternity, I didn’t know. I could, however, see why there was no need for someone else to pass judgment on my life. Nothing had escaped. I was the only judge necessary, and I would be the harshest critic.
I knew when I had failed and when I had succeeded, but unexpectedly there was an added twist that I hadn’t been prepared for. Not only could I relive how I had felt during any particular incident, I could also feel the pain or happiness of others whom I had affected through my words and actions. I could feel again the anger I felt as I lashed out at a playmate in the schoolyard, but I could also feel the pain and injury he felt at the humiliation.
The good and the bad all passed before me. To my amazement, I watched the effect that even a small act of kindness could have on others. Something as small as my cheery greeting had lifted someone else’s spirits, and they in turn felt better about themselves and treated others more kindly. I was astonished at how the lives of so many people could be inadvertently affected by my actions, whether positive or negative.
Eventually the chronological calendar of my life brought me inevitably back to the time of my heart attack and near-death experience. I needed to see no more. The images stopped. Immediately, I felt the love and support of Meldor’s embrace. I was emotionally drained, yet at the same time strangely rejuvenated. I had a better understanding of who I was and what I needed to do.
Meldor’s voice finally interrupted my reverie. “It is time now to return to the physical vibration,” he said. “There is much processing that you will need to do, and your energy needs to be restored. We are pleased to have been able to assist you.”
In a snap, I was back in my body. Wide-awake, I turned over in bed and glanced at my nightstand clock. It was just after 5 a.m. More than two hours had passed.
For another hour I lay in bed, reviewing and contemplating the tremendous experience I had just been through. The profound images of my past life were engrained in my consciousness. I would never forget them. The message was so very clear. I knew that it didn’t matter one bit in life who won or who lost, or how rich or successful we became. When we pass from this life, the only thing that will really matter, the only thing of any importance, will be how we treated other souls along the way.

Copyright C 2003 by Paul Elder

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Wednesday, May 28, 2003 - 07:51 pm:

I was depressed and psychotic and trying to kill myself and I swallowed a bunch of pills before going to bed hoping that I wouldn't wake up in the morning.

I went to bed and fell asleep then, I felt utter darkness all around me and I heard a loud voice saying "what have you done?!" I looked down and saw my body lying on the bed with a dark shadow figure bent over me then I woke up and it was about twelve o'clock the next afternoon.

A few months later I had to have surgery for a congenital anomaly. And after the surgery I was visited by an angel who told me that, I had to choose life three times because of what I had done. And that Christ was gathering his people and his angels and that I would get disturbing news from afar in about two years time. And he also told me not to be afraid that everything was going to be all right.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Wednesday, May 28, 2003 - 07:45 pm:

After an unsuccessful suicide attempt, I was in a serious car accident.

I hit a very large oak tree that wasn't going anywhere, with my van. It was down a steep embankment and I was not wearing my seatbelt. The impact caused my head to go through the windshield and my chest hit the steering wheel so hard, it completely bent the steering column forward.

At first, I saw a, sort of tunnel filled with light, then I saw what I determined to be an angel floating above me. She was luminescent and sparkly and gave off a feeling of complete warmth and comfort. I was not scared at all. After that, I heard the voice of my deceased father telling me he was okay and I needed to stop crying and grieving over his death, which had been recent. He advised me he would always be with me and my mom and the rest of my family.

When I later woke up in the hospital, I was in ICU. But the only injury I sustained was a broken right ankle and leg from when I tried to apply the brake. My entire head went through the windshield, but I had no fractures at all. They did an echocardiogram to check out my heart, but it was fine, I didn't even have any cracked ribs. It was really amazing to the ER doctor.

It did change my life, though.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Wednesday, May 28, 2003 - 02:50 pm:

I was in a car accident in 1983. I broke my neck, back, and many bones and punctured my lung. They did not expect that I would live and so did not arrange my surgery until 2 days later. At that time--I was paralyzed from my waist down.

When they came to take me to surgery--I recall someone saying the 23rd Psalm and closing my eyes. I felt a warm sensation and the feeling of someone wrapping their arms around me. And I absolutely knew that whatever happened (and I knew I might die) that it was going to be OK. I felt an overwhelming feeling that God loves me and that, he wanted the best for me.

The next thing I knew, I woke up in the same bed, with no memory of the operation or the recovery room.

Prior to this, I was really terrified of death, it used to keep me up nights worrying about it. Now, I know it’s not frightening but a very peaceful transition.

At the time of my accident, my life was spinning out of control. I had an emotionally abusive husband, and two children, 3mos and 16mos old. We were barely surviving financially and certainly emotionally.
While I was in the hospital, my husband at the time left me and the kids and took off.

I was in the hospital for 6 months. And after 2 months--when no one thought I would, my feet began to move. It took much therapy and alot of effort but, I now walk with a cane and can get around pretty good.

While recovering--I examined every belief that I had and formed many that I did not know that I had.
I absolutely knew that God was with me and that I could raise my boys and have a good life. I also learned to love myself, something I had not done before.

Because this accident happened, I was able to go back to college for awhile and I remarried to someone who adores me. My sons are grown now. And I am convinced that I am a better person because of having gone through the experience of coming so close to death.

I am now very involved in my church and try to learn more about spirituality.
Two years ago I started back to work part time and found something that I just love to do, work with elderly people. I help them to run errands and to be a companion.

I am a better listener and a more caring person because of what I went through. Also, I have been around when several friends were dying and consider it a privilege to be there at that time. I try to convey my feelings about God’s love to the families and to the person.

Anyway, I really believe that this experience changed the course of my life for the better.
I am not sure if this is a true near death experience but, it was for me!

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Tuesday, May 27, 2003 - 04:55 pm:

During and after surgery, septic, family told "death was imminent"

I remember being very uncomfortable and knowing I was on a train.

I was convinced it as somewhere near Alaska because the sky was so blue and there were eagles flying and the ocean water was incredibly blue and there were whales. I was with my mom, her brother and my mother-in-law's mother--all have passed away. Being with my mother-in-law's mom was odd because I had only met her 3-4 times and she had passed away only the month before this happened. I kept telling them I wanted to get off the train. I was tired, I couldn't do this any more. They all kept telling me "No--you can't". "No--not this time".

When I was finally conscious and thought about it, I figured maybe the ventilator noise made me think I was on a train. But, it was too real.

My relationship with my mom was always rocky and I remember distinctly feeling the same way, like I just couldn't make her understand. She was calm and kept telling me, "No, not now" every time I asked to get off the train.

I also remember something about American Indians being present, the train being very old. The landscape was just beautiful when I looked out of the window. And, I could also see through the roof of the train, the eagles.

I feel I am much more tolerant of everything and everyone. I am not as stressed as I was before. I am not upset with every little detail of life as before. I am much more accepting of everything as it happens.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Tuesday, May 27, 2003 - 04:41 pm:

This all happened twenty years ago.

At the time I was out of work. But, a friend asked me if I would like to work for him for a couple of days. So, I agreed. I had never done this kind of work before. When we arrived at these terrace houses all the houses in question were being gutted, new windows, re-plastered , new wiring that kind of thing. My job was to go up the scaffolding and grind out the mortar in-between the bricks ready for my friend to come along and repoint the brick work.

I was on third second floor outside on the scaffolding getting back into the room with the grinding machine in my hand, little did I know the electric cable was made up of several lengths of extensions, and these had wrapped round the scaffolding. As I held on to the scaffolding pole with my left hand, the grinding machine in my right hand suddenly I was stuck to this scaffolding pole shaking and screaming then everything was calm.

I am still shaking but, at peace, no pain, just very peaceful. The only way I can describe the feeling is when you are in bed and you are just resting and falling asleep. Events in my life were passing through my mind then darkness not a scary darkness, still at peace. I always feel quite emotional when I get to this part. It's as if I was given a choice to go or to stay. I said in my mind there is too much to do. I remember thinking of my son and wife.

Then, bang I was thrown the full length of the room. At this stage people were running into the room. I went to the doctors and I was suffering from shock and a burn to my finger. The mark is still there.

It was months later when I started to piece things together and believe me, LIFE AFTER DEATH does exist.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Tuesday, May 27, 2003 - 04:29 pm:

My experience was that I was learning to swim in the sound off Long Island. I was with family. I swam out father than I should, the bottom was not to be found .I started to go under the water and panic set in, I went down for the third time.

Shortly after that all of a sudden I was at peace, I felt like I was floating on a cloud or something it was bright and friendly. The next thing I saw was my life it passed by as if I was watching a movie. I kept getting younger and younger. At the point I was seeing my self as a toddler, the next moment I was pulled out of the water by my aunt.

There was in fact another time I was playing in my father’s car at a family reunion. The car was a parked on our driveway. The driveway had a good incline to it. I remember playing with the brake and the next thing the car was going down hill. I got out of the car and the next thing I remember was I was trapped between the car door and a car at the bottom of the driveway. I couldn't breath and the next thing I saw was Christ as If floating in the sky above. I was thinking at the moment, this was it.

I will say this, I have had other experiences with afterlife as many others have had not as the one dying but seeing the one who did. It was a good thing for me, that experience was one I had with someone there with me at the time. In fact the person said to me at the same time the same thing I said, "Did you see that". I do know this life isn't it but I do wonder what’s next.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Friday, May 23, 2003 - 12:48 pm:

When I was a freshman in college, I volunteered to help with a psychology class project that involved hypnosis, and a "rebirthing."

I was born without a heartbeat due to asphyxiation, because the placenta separated from the uterus and I 'drowned', so to speak, in the womb. This is an emergency condition called Placenta Previa. I was revived, and was in an incubator for a week after the delivery. I had always known that I was a "near miss" as far as being alive goes.

When I was 'rebirthed' through hypnosis, I reexperienced the birth process, including the stopping of my heartbeat, and the feeling of being a biological entity that is ceasing to exist. That is basically what the experience was; a ceasing to exist, the feeling a pre-linguistic creature has when it's life is ebbing away -- the struggle and then the calm. There wasn't any supernatural visitations or images of deities, unfortunately.

This feeling was followed by the voices of the doctors as they worked over me, and my eyes slowly opening to the sight of the hospital towel that swaddled me.

It is interesting to note that I do not remember the words of the doctors, because they were just nonsense sounds to me.

I don't know if it's related to my experience, but I have experiences with ESP.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Wednesday, May 21, 2003 - 01:29 pm:

November 8th, 1992.

I had been ill for quite a while during my fourth pregnancy. A year in which my brother died from stomach cancer 18 days before my near death experience. I was taken into hospital at 34 weeks due to toxemia.

After another two weeks I was taken down to the labor ward to be induced. Eventually it was decided that I would need an emergency caesarian, all of this I took very calmly, to be honest I didn't even care. I think when people are dying all you want to do is go to sleep.

What I remember of my near nde is when I opened my eyes I was already there (no tunnels). Everything was a neon white, (no landscape), with small crowds of people? communicating with each other. I was very calm and relaxed with no thoughts whatsoever about events that were occurring elsewhere. No thought of anything in fact apart from feeling very peaceful.
Figures were only visible from the waist up but they were in a bright light. One figure approached me and asked politely, 'what are you doing here'. Telepathy. I suddenly wondered what I was doing there. Next thing I knew a nurse woke me up to tell me I had a girl.

Events afterwards –

I had assumed that I had been taken from the operating theatre awake, since I had seen my husband (at the time) talking to a nurse in the corridor, apparently getting himself something to eat, since he had a tray of food in his hands. Not so, my husband had gone to the canteen only after seeing that I had been settled into the hospital room and only after that had gone to the canteen.

Some professor (I think) came to see me the day after and asked if I had had any dreams, I said NO.

The engineers in the hospital kept rushing into my room asking if I had opened the windows at all since the temperature monitor in the basement kept showing that the room was below the required temperature. I didn't know what they were talking about, apart from the fact that I was wired up to various machines, on morphine and couldn't of opened a window even if I had wanted to.

Questions –

I had no tunnel, no floating experience. I just opened my eyes and I was already there. Has anybody else had this?
My brother who had died was not there only people I didn't know.
These people? (I think I recall) had no hair.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Sunday, May 18, 2003 - 04:40 pm:

I was sleeping on my couch one afternoon. I woke up to find myself rising to the ceiling. I knew my body was still on the couch.

Another time I was sleeping, I rolled over, and pushed myself up with one arm, like you are getting out of I did this I could see my real body lay there.

Another time I was staying the night with my mother, It was late at night, I was very tired, the spare bed was in the basement. I remember feeling apprehensive about going to sleep. It was like I knew something weird was going to happen. As soon as I was in a deep sleep, I woke up and could see a deformed baby like creature on my chest. I thought it was stealing my breath. I could not move or breath. In my mind, I thought for sure I was dying. Then, I thought the word "Jesus" until I could say it with my mouth. Then I could breath again. In all there have been dozens of these experiences, each one a little different. Some I would say felt very evil. But others left me with a feeling of energy, like I had been re-charged.

For years I have struggled with my religious beliefs, fundamental Christian. Only recently I had become agnostic, maybe atheistic. Felt at peace with myself "feeling unborn again", but I felt weird. Then I accidentally came across the nde of Howard Storm and I believe I have found my calling in life to tell others that there is something spiritual going on. I believe that religion, God and these experiences are all connected. I have been reading every NDE I can find and can't seem to get enough of them, like I'm getting close to some answers for myself.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Thursday, May 15, 2003 - 07:44 pm:

I was out for the evening with my boyfriend and my brother. I had a fatigue based illness, now known to be me.

I was sitting on a bench when suddenly I was floating beside my boyfriend. I could see my brother slapping my face, and trying to wake me up or bring me back. I had an overwhelming experience of peace and was somehow hanging in the air, like smoke! I remember my boyfriend looking on in horror and my brother calling on me to wake up. I remember thinking, that I must wake up as not to upset my brother! For a split second I had a decision to make. I liked where I was and wanted to stay, but because I loved my brother dearly and did not want to cause him heartache I returned to my body.

I was confused and elated at the same time, I had a feeling of knowledge and felt as if I had experienced something special. It felt like a secret knowing, and I have never feared death since.

I have a strange ability to predict death in people. I feel myself staring at people who are to die, it’s a really intense stare always followed by a feeling of wonderment. A few of my friends have passed away, and I always experience this before their death.

Hard to believe I know, but it’s real to me.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Thursday, May 15, 2003 - 07:37 pm:

I was 19 years old, driving my brother’s VW van. As I approached an intersection, I inadvertently stepped on the clutch rather than the break, which caused the van to roll out into on coming traffic. Knowing this I "passed out".

During this period I went to a place which was very loving. All communication was telepathic. There was a complete dialogue between myself and this unknown source. I "saw/understood" my life’s purpose and how easy it was to achieve. I also knew that death was not an unpleasant place but just another realm. I was asked whether I wanted to "go back and continue what I had started" and I emphatically said "of course".

I woke briefly in an ambulance and then in the local trauma unit.
The hospital was approximately 20 minutes away.

I have gained an insight to life/death through this experience. To this day I can only hope that I am accomplishing that which I need to do.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Friday, May 9, 2003 - 11:46 am:

I don't know what to call this experience, but here it is.

Several days after being released from the hospital with a diagnosis of possible heart or gallbladder attack, I experienced the following episode:

Throughout the day I had back and left arm pain. Late in the evening there was a period of crushing chest pain, racing heart and shortness of breath. After this passed I got ready and went to bed.

Within a few minutes I began to feel as if my body was hollow and was not aware of my extremities. I changed positions in bed several times to get away from this feeling, but every time I settled, the hollow feeling returned. At no time was I above myself looking down and there was no extreme light or dark. The last time the hollow feeling came over me, I knew I was going to die but there was no fear and it was ok. I began to pray for my loved ones and thank God for his Grace upon me. I did not ask not to be taken. I recall thinking it was "unfortunate" that my death would ruin the trip I was on with my family, but I felt no sadness, anxiety, or pain. I was completely at peace. I then fell asleep and to my surprise I awoke in the morning. How could I have been so sure that I would die during the night and wake up as if nothing had happened?

Is there a name for what I experienced? Have others reported similar episodes?

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Friday, May 9, 2003 - 11:41 am:

I was 27 years old, when I had my NDE experience.

I was laid-off from my job, in an abusive relationship, and in general not in a good place. I was also drinking way too much. Anyway, I was out on a date with the abusive boyfriend and was quite drunk and was told that in anger, I jumped out of his car. To make a long story short, I ended up in the hospital (for a month and a half). I got a pretty nasty bump on my head and was unconscious for 3 days.

During the time I was unconscious, I remember being in a place, where it seemed peaceful and I encountered these beings. The beings told me that I had to go back, that I had things to do back on earth. My Father died, when I was 11 years old, and I sensed his presence. It seemed to me that there was a separation between me and where my father was, an abyss?

When I regained consciousness, I was telling everyone about my experience.

This experience has profoundly changed my life, it is like the memory of this experience is never very far from my mind. I was somewhat psychic before the experience, but am much more so now.

Another thing about this experience, perhaps the greatest thing, is that it was something I had been praying for, because I was really lost spiritually. My Dad died when I was eleven and I came face to face with my own mortality-I believe in God, the Trinity, Jesus, but I'm not a Fundamentalist Religious type person.

And, another incredible thing that happened, was that I started running across publications about NDE's shortly after my experience. Ray Moody's book, Life After Life just blew me away. Anyway, this is my story.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 07:40 pm:

I had a Hang Gliding Accident the week prior to this incident, in which I had my arm broken and required surgery to plate it. I was released from Hospital the following day, and barely made it home.

The following evening I could not breath easily and was admitted to Hospital where the following day I began to cough up blood and was urgently airlifted to a major regional Hospital. I was not expected to survive the flight. Upon reaching the larger Hospital I was being transferred from the Ambulance gurney to the intensive care bed when I could not breathe. Each breath became more and more painful like a knife stabbing my chest.

Eventually I stopped breathing completely and I heard the medical staff saying that we are losing him and to give me some sort of injection. These voices then became dimmer and in the far background. At the time of my stopping to breathe, it was the most beautiful feeling of painless release that I have ever encountered. All feelings of pain were eliminated from my body - it was the most wonderful feeling of release that I have ever felt. I was then falling backwards and forwards - just as a leaf falls, My body was naked, as I felt each and every small breeze as my body changed directions in this falling motion like a leaf does. Everything was completely black. I eventually came in contact - back first - with what felt like an ice cold highly polished granite or stone floor. I slid very slowly to a halt on my naked back. I felt I was in a room where two girls sat on a lounge in the middle of it. I cannot give any details of them, except that they were about 20 and with long hair and in flowing robes. There were no walls to be seen - everything was black. I felt the question in my mind, do I wish to go or to stay? I immediately thought of my 12-year-old daughter, and the moment that I did this, there was a rushing sound in my ears and the far noise of these doctors became louder.

All pain then returned to my body with a rush, which was terrible. I awakened in bed in the intensive care and I asked how long I was unconscious for. They said that they had nearly lost me and that I was there for about 15 minutes. Even though it felt as if I was away for only a minute or so... It was the most amazing experience I have ever encountered, and I was reluctant at first to tell anyone about it, in case they thought I was a nut or similar.

I have never felt such relief from all the pain that my body is usually in, (I have had many back operations in the past and broken bones) then I have at the moment I stopped breathing - it was such a welcome release, and if this is what death is, then we have nothing at all to worry about. Yes, the pain of not being able to breathe and the knife like feelings that went with it were not great, but once that last breath was taken. It was such a glorious release!

I have never been scared of death since this experience, but when my wife - who was just 20 years old, was dying next to me due to cancer from Chernobyl, I told her of my experience and not to worry. It helped to calm her. But seeing her last agonized breaths from the other side has made me scared of death all over again. I could not see myself gasping for breath you see, but I could see my beautiful Angels last efforts to live. And it scared me terribly about dying all over again.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Tuesday, April 29, 2003 - 07:53 pm:

I believe I have had 3 death experiences.

The first, I remember nothing about. Only when I came out of my coma did I learn of it. Unknowingly to me, I had written down my experience. Only what I wrote is all that I know about it. I wrote that I had died and left my body. I could see myself on my hospital bed with all sorts of tubes going into my body. I was introverted. I saw my father and a dog that I had loved dearly when I was a kid. My father told me that it was not yet my time to die that I had to go back. I balked at this because I told him that I was at last at peace with myself and I would like to go on. He told me no, that God had told him to meet me and send me back because he had a plan for me. I looked at my dog and the dog started shoving me back to my body and my father helped the dog push me.

The second time was when I was at the VA hospital. I was still in a coma, but I remember this one. I tried to tell my wife about it, but she was too upset to listen to me. I was lying in the hospital bed and knew I was dying. I asked myself if this was the way people died. I answered myself, yes this is the way. I felt very peaceful and nothing about the world, my debts, my readings, nothing mattered. I could feel myself slipping into this great peacefulness and saying to myself that I wished I had lived a better life then what I had. After I awakened from my coma, which lasted over 5 weeks, did I find out that the doctors had told my wife to prepare herself for my death. They only gave me a 20% chance of surviving. This was not an out of body experience and I never left my body.

The 3rd one came this January. On January 14, 2003, I was given an operation that was called an absolution. They were trying to find out why my heart kept racing. During this operation, they stuck a probe through my heart. I was instantly transported to Heaven. There was no lights, no tunnels, no anything. I was meeting with a person I had known before he died. We were dressed in a type of uniform. He explained to me that we were fighting a fearful enemy that was trying to take over Heaven. He showed me the beings, which was horrible. I do not remember what they looked like, but I still shudder when I think about this. Then I was handed a sword and a shield. I then started to fight this enemy. I have never used a sword in my life, but I knew how to handle this one. I am left handed, and I was using my left hand to fight. I was winning because these beings did not know how to fight a left-handed man. I had killed some of them when I was told to leave the battle. I headed away from the battle and started looking at my surroundings. Heaven is a very beautiful place. Everything shines like pure gold. There was a golden fence around Heaven. I believe, though not told, that this was what kept the beings out of Heaven. They outnumbered everyone there about 5 to 1 and there are billions, I believe, in Heaven. I stopped because a voice was speaking to me. I do not know who this was, but I dropped to my knees and bowed my head. I put the helmet I was wearing on one of my knees, and put the sword away. The voice told me to remember everything that I could. The voice told me that this was not my fault being there, but he was going to have to send me back to earth because he had a job for me to do. He told me that I was one of his soldiers and he had a mission for me. He told me that he would not tell me what it was, but I would know when the time came and I would act. He also said that I was not alone in this, that other soldiers would also be there to help me and me them. He was still talking to me when I heard another voice telling me to wake up. When I came awake the other voice that I think was God ceased. There was a different doctor and a nurse at my side. I saw a crash cart and electric, I guess you would call them, shockers on a table. I kept asking them what went wrong. They both looked at each other like how did I know something happened?

This is my story. There is more to this, but I would have to be contacted to tell all of it and what else God told me. I am not a religious man and the walls of a church would probably shake if I darkened the door of one. I do now know that that there is a God and I honestly believe that I spoke to Him. My life has changed, I am no longer afraid of death nor do I now believe that I will go to what we call hell. I believe that I was fighting little devils that were very dangerous to us. I do know that once I complete my "job?" I would die soon afterwards.

I hope this has helped you in some ways. This is very hard for me to talk about this because it is so wild. Thank you.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Tuesday, April 29, 2003 - 11:06 am:

I had very little experience with the ocean. The family and I were down at Ocean City Maryland (circa 1960 before JFK was killed) for a family summer thing. We walked along the board walk and I seemed to have a fascination with those little sea horses or lions they have in the shops, and when I saw them in the shops something told me they were significant, I don't know why but they just were. Later in life, I do not ignore such signs, they are always significant (hope that doesn't sound too weird).

Later that afternoon, I decided that jumping the waves near the shore looked like fun and it was. I was not aware of undertow, so I ventured out to enjoy the sensation of being lifted and let down slow, it was really nice. All of a sudden and without any warning, the undertow grabbed me, it was like someone grabbed my feet and pulled me under the water.

Not knowing how to swim, I went into a panic, I was under the water, terrified beyond description, and thrashing around desperately to save my life. I had no idea of what was up or down ... I was so scarred, I knew I was going to die, I really did. Knowing my number was certainly up, I decided to make it quick and just started to breathe in water as fast as I could, so that it would stop. At the instant I decided it was over and I would hasten it, that is when it got weird!

Instantly, no interval what so ever, I was put in a peaceful dark space all alone, I mean it was empty there. Soon in front of me Sea Horses seemed to dance on by, one actually turned and smiled at me and went on. Having totally forgotten about the drowning. I mean I just forgot. I noticed about 50 feet in front of me something thrashing about. There were bubbles and arms and legs just flailing about, it almost seemed funny for a moment. I looked at it rather non-shaluant, after a brief period I realized (in a panic) it was me!

At the moment of realization another wirier stage insued. I was in a funnel, not unlike what I have seen in sci fi movies known as a wormhole in space-time fabric. I was in the entrance and floating inward. All around me little lights were flickering, like blinking lights on a Christmas tree, they almost felt like they were more than lights maybe alive or something. Towards the end there was a "warm light", it was kind of bright, and for some reason I kinda felt like a being or something was there. In the next instant I felt the sure presence of a being. I could not see it, hear it but I really felt it, and I knew it wanted me. It was not detached either, I felt like I was in its embrace or at least it was just all around me. I knew that I was safe there, no doubt about it. Boy did I need that, I tell you.

If I were to describe what it felt like, it felt like pure Love. I mean this little boy, in the most terrifying thing he could imagine, alone and bewildered had a real friend, a person who's only interest was in me being OK. Once I noticed this, the following words were imparted to my consciousness, they were not spoken, but they were definitely sent. "Do you want to go now?" At that point, I felt like I had some control for the first time since it started. Although I felt good there, I was absolutely alone (but that was ok too). I said "I can't die, my mother is a nervous person and this would really really hurt her"

At that exact instant, and no delay at all, I was on the beach. On my knees coughing up water, it was even coming out of my ears. I remembered that we had an umbrella of red and green (I seem to recall) and looked for it. To my astonishment, it was about 100 yards to my left. When I entered the water from where we were, I went straight ahead. In other words I had drifted about 100 yards under water!

My Impression:

At first I knew it was God and that he was even more loving than all the books and teachers had told us. As time went on, a guy I told this to said "that's just how the brain shuts down, that's why everyone says the same things!" That kinda ruined the whole thing, but as time goes on I seem to feel that the being (God) will revisit me to remind me it is not so. I got the impression he might have something lighted up for me, and I don’t know why but it just feels so. I just hope it is not like the last time, that was too much.

I can remember this experience better than what I did last week! I do feel privileged having had it. When I tell it, I tear up. It is overwhelming even to this day some 43 years later. Lastly, I know you don't know me but please be assured that this is absolute truth, I just feel you need to know that. Don't know why today I am doing this, but that too is almost a compulsion for reasons I can not explain.

Wrapping it up. If that was God (for lack of any other explanation) I know now (don't ask why, I just know it), that what we are told, the expectations God may have, punishment, what people say is true and things like Jesus etc. seem like fabrications and way way out of whack! I just feel like this being had no expectations of me, would never judge me BUT wanted me only to know it was there. I am very important to it and that I'm well cared for no mater what and that we'll meet again perhaps under different circumstances!

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Wednesday, April 23, 2003 - 10:14 am:

My experiences were multiple. Only the initial event is recorded in your "time line."

I will divide my remarks into four sections.

Section 1. Childhood NDE's.

At the age of six, I contracted a severe case of rheumatic fever. I had the complications of carditis, heart arrhythmia’s, paroxysmal nocturnal dyspnea, diurnal shortness of breath etc. I was bed-ridden for seven months. At the time, children were seldom hospitalized...and doctors made house calls, so I was at home throughout.

I recall vividly a series of what I later came to think were forms of NDE’s. There were a number of them, but I cannot recall the exact number.
Each was quite similar to the next.

Each experience began with a deep, rhythmic, loud "roaring" sound. Each pulse of the sound was at an interval of about one second. The sound would grow louder and louder and then suddenly I would be "sucked" into a black tunnel. Each time I was in a sitting position and traveling backwards at what seemed to be incredible speed. I saw no light (I WAS "sitting backwards), but felt and heard a cold wind. After what seemed to be a long (interminable to a little kid) time, my "direction" was reversed and I hurtled back into my body (usually my chest) with a thump.

These occurrences were frightening to me. I can still remember distinctly the horrible rhythmic sound. There were a number of these occurrences, and I got to the point that when I heard the sound I would start to cry, because I knew what was coming.

I don't recall ever telling my parents or anyone (until I was an adult) about these experiences. I have told few about them.

Aftermath---I became very aware of my mortality, and from the time I was six until I was college age, seldom a day would pass without my thinking of death.

I had "seen" tiny beings prior to that in my room and conversed with them, although I always ceased if my parents showed up (I was an only child.) Following the experiences, I began to get messages from various sources, including an Ouija board. I had psychic "flashes" where I "knew" certain things. I always seemed to feel other people’s emotions, and to "understand" their distress. These experiences have continued throughout my life. I am a channeler who does readings for a number of people. I do not charge for these. I also do psychic readings in which I simply "know" things or in which I "see" symbols.

2. Kundalini "Explosion" - June 1997

I call this an explosion, rather than an awakening, because I realize in retrospect that the kundaline experience had been ongoing for a number of years.

This awakening was spontaneous. I had not meditated for many months prior to this, and did no yoga. In fact, I had no knowledge of kundalini at this time.

In April 1997, I had severe back and foot pain. I did not consult a doctor at this time (I am a nurse and hate to go to the doctor.) I was concerned, however, that I might be developing crippling arthritis. It was quite difficult to walk.

One night in June 1997, I felt an "electric shock" travel from my tailbone up my spine and erupt in brilliant light in my head. Instantly, the pain in my feet and back was gone.

The effects of this awakening were prolonged and continue to this day to one extent or another. I won't go into a lot of detail, but here are some points.

1. I began to "see" a progression of past lives. These were usually from the duel point of view of the person whose life I was viewing and from my own present perspective.

2. I saw "runes"---some traditional, some unknown, in motion and in 3D and knew how they were to be interpreted.

3. I had physical changes. For example, I had hot rushes up my spine and for two years had a 5-inch wide red itchy "stripe" up my back. I virtually stopped sweating even in extreme heat, whereas before, I would break into drenching sweats when the temperature was in the high 70s. I slept much more than normal. When I was awake, it was difficult for me to stay out of an altered state. My libido increased dramatically.

4. I found that my beliefs were forever altered. A skeptic, I was unable to remain so when I personally experienced many things that I had scoffed at.

5. I found myself psychically "traveling"--more mental projections rather than out of body, although I have had a few of those.

6. I got reams of channeled material, which was quite enlightening to me.

7. My perception of energy movement increased dramatically, and I felt as if I could manipulate it.

8. I went through a period where I seemed to be a conduit for unconditional love. This was somewhat disconcerting to me, as I, personally, felt no emotion, and yet people (strangers) flocked to me, smiled, gave me things, asked advice, and so on.

9. I became a physical empath; i.e., I began to feel other people's physical pain and discomfort. This was uncannily accurate. The ability to do this extended to online and telephone encounters. The situation grew so marked that it caused me to avoid crowds, or even small gatherings. This situation continues to the present day, although it waxes and wanes.

3. The "Void" Experiences.

1997. I fell into an altered state and found myself traveling into a dark Void. Within this Void, there was only me and I was God. There was no "other." The darkness surrounding me was absolute, and yet it was not empty. The Void seemed pregnant with probability as if every event that ever was or ever will be was contained within it.

I found the experience to be completely acceptable while I was in the Void. I had no emotion or fear. Only being and knowing.

Afterwards, however, when I emerged, I was overwhelmed. I cried for three days because there was no other, and I desperately wanted there to be other.

I have had several Void experiences since then, but the first remains strongly with me, and if I focus on it much then I still feel the welling up of grief for the loss of "other."

4. NDE? 2002

In June, 2002, I suddenly fell ill and was taken by ambulance to intensive care, where I remained for two weeks. I was diagnosed with a bilateral pulmonary embolus (a massive blood clot in both lungs). Every organ in my body was affected.

That first night at the hospital, I found myself telling my family, "I can't do this anymore. I want to die."

I felt as if I were "skating" on a revolving undulating surface, which was much like the surface of a warped phonograph record. As I revolved on the periphery of this surface, I had a very odd feeling which I would characterize as extremely unpleasant, but not painful. I cannot describe the feeling; there are just no words for it.

Then I suddenly was naked and about an inch tall. I was standing in front of a huge blue door, which was slightly ajar. A brilliant yellow-white light was coming from the space beyond the door. At that point, I "knew" that if I stepped into the light I would die. I stood there for a time and then tiptoed past the door.

After this experience, I received messages (channeled) that said a part of me, whom I refer to as "Sharon, too" had died. I was also told that I did enter the light, and this was corroborated by another psychic who independently told me this. I had some memories then, but they could be fantasies. I "remember" being in the room in the light. I "grew" to normal height as I entered. While there, a being (just light) handed me a glass bowl with a white flower floating in it. I looked at the bowl and as I did I had thoughts of my family and dear friends. I handed the bowl back, turned and left the room and the light.

The aftermath of this experience has caused some depression. Where was the "knowing" and the "enlightenment?" What was the purpose of the experience?

I still don't know. But I know this: I have absolutely no fear of death.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Wednesday, April 23, 2003 - 09:59 am:

I was playing with a friend of mine. He kicked a 2x4 that had a nail stuck in it. It then bounced backed and hit me in the head.

I was knocked out, but I could see a small white light surrounded by darkness. My life then flashed before my eyes. Even things I never remembered. I kept hearing voices too.

I heard and saw my friend trying to wake me up. I felt like I opened my eyes, but he kept asking me to open them, so I was convinced I was dead.

Then, I felt like I was asleep again. And finally I woke up.

I couldn't remember anything at first. My head itched a little, so I scratched it. I looked at my hand and saw it was full of blood. I had a crack in my head about 3 1/2 inches long.

My mother’s friend then sewed it for me and since then, I could never think or remember very good. It traumatized me a lot.