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Terror, then feeling safe and secure

February 14th 1987 my husband and I attended a wedding for good friends of ours. It was initially a beautiful wedding.

I remember looking at my husband lovingly as they were exchanging vows. Good friends of ours were sitting in front of us in their own pew. Then without notice I suddenly began to feel odd, and I was scared. I had the distinct feeling that I was dying, and I am not one to make a scene in public (good God).

It was around then my husband looked at me and I remember him saying oh my God you are turning gray what is the matter. And I said to him I'm not going to make it and I said that over and over quietly and then my friend turned around and saw me. I remember that and she was just wide-eyed and horrified. Apparently I looked like I was dying. I kept praying that I would not make a scene, but my friends really wanted to leave the church before what inevitably would happen. And then we were all dismissed, row by row. They came to us next of course to stand up and leave or walk out and leave, and I should have just sat there, but again I didn't want to make a scene. I remember feeling completely disembodied almost at that point and had to be helped out.

As I reached the threshold of the church to the entrance where the guests would be, I collapsed so my body was physically still inside the church. Then the horror and the terror began. I remember it being very dark and I remember going very very very very very very very very very very fast and I do not recall what I saw there but I was absolutely terrified, terrified out of my mind. Somehow I was able to pull and claw my way back up to life again. Thinking back I believe in some ways that I was so scared, I willed myself back to life. When I came to, I remember being near the guestbook and all the people were looking down at me, and I was horrified. I remember meeting the eye of my girlfriend and at that moment I was gone. I recall being disinvited from my body. I don't believe that I could see everybody but I most certainly could hear everything that was going on. I clearly recall all the words and what everybody was saying. And I recall mostly being so annoyed and absolutely irritated that these people were bugging me.

I felt so safe, so secure, a feeling I have never felt in my whole entire life. One of the members of the wedding party begin to do CPR on me and I remember being again completely irritated. However I did come to, and I was down outside the church on the stairs on the side of the church. Once again I opened my eyes and then again just as fast I was whisked away. This time I could not hear anything at all and I knew somehow that I was being shown delicate and beautiful things or softness and wonderfulness and I was being raised up to a place of wonderful light and I can tell you that never in my life have I ever felt so secure, so safe and loved.

We then came to a stop and there I stood beside my heavenly father. (Interesting to note, never in my life had I ever used such an expression ever.) As I stood there with my heavenly father, suddenly from far far far away the voice screamed out and pierced whatever whatever however whatever it was screaming tell me tell me tell me please don't leave me I love you I love you please don't die. The Voice ripped through time and space, screaming Tammy Tammy Tammy please don't die I love you I love you please don't die. It was then that I turned in my heavenly father and said to him, "I can't leave him." It was then I was returned to my body.

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