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Locked inside a freezer

I was eight years old, playing outside of the family house about 10 meters from the back porch.

It was late morning before luncheon. Perhaps 11:00. I was on my own and just wasting time before luncheon. I was a little bored. My mother was inside the house in the kitchen. My father had recently acquired an industrial freezer and the door was propped open by a plank of wood. I stepped inside the freezer and crouched and walked to the back. As I did the freezer unit wobbled and the plank fell and the door shut and locked.

It was pitch black and the smell was musty. I tried to open the door but could not. I felt very frightened and slumped down in the back left hand corner. Very soon I was stuggling to breathe and my chest became tight. I thought that I was going to die. I remember placing my head on my eyes and preparing to die.

Then I was outside of my body and the freezer above the porch. I can remember directly looking down at my father and I could clearly hear his voice and that of my mother. I was quite high up and could see the whole of the back yard and the freezer with the door shut. I heard my father say to my mother, "Where is Jane?" My mother answered, "Outside playing." "Where?" he asked. He left the kitchen and stood outside the porch looking. At this time I was above the porch looking down and I willed and willed my father to come and find me. I remember thinking, "Please find me." He looked out and saw the freezer door shut. He ran to the freezer and the next thing I remember was being dragged out.

I was not fully conscious. My father carried me in his arms quickly to the kitchen and I can remember inhaling the first full breath of air and it was wonderful. He placed me on a chair in the kitchen just inside the back door. I was confused and shocked and there was some fussing. My father was upset and relieved and shocked. He suggested I have some water and should be taken into my parents' bedroom to lie down and rest. He left immediately and removed the freezer door.

I can remember lying on my father's bed resting and feeling confused and frightened. My father left to remove the door and my mother left to complete her luncheon preparation and house work. It seemed everything was carrying on as normal. I felt I needed more attention and love. Nothing was mentioned about this event and I have never spoken about the event to my parents. My father died in March 2016 and I never discussed it with him. I aim to speak with my mother at some time in the future. My feelings and thoughts about the event as a child were (1) I was angry that my father was stupid enough not to remove the door earlier and (2) I sensed my mother was angry that I had wandered into the freezer. I somehow felt that she had wished I had not survived and from that time onwards my relationship with my mother was not good. I felt overall that the trust I had in my parents had diminished. I never thought until recently that this experience was or could be classsified as an NDE but I realise that the experience has recently become very significant.

I basically pushed the memory away and only in the past two years have been able to connect with the memory.  As a young adult I could not have any object placed over my face and I would not allow anyone to touch my head or face. I would frequently wake up from sleeping imagining I was suffocating only to find that my duvet cover was over my face. Once or twice I have panicked about being locked in a room; for example on a train in the loo, and once in a music practice room where the caretaker locked the doors without checking if students were in the practice rooms. I also developed a fear of deep water.

The worst thing was a fear of dying. At night as a child when resting in bed in the dark I sensed my heart rate and breathing slowing down and I feared I would die. The fear of death has been a strong fear especially at night and I have suffered with sleeping disorders. Two years ago I sought therapy and my disrupted sleeping has now improved and I can say that I do not have an extreme fear of death. Today aged 59 years I am the happiest I have ever been. I am currently researching the afterlife after reading Raymond Moody and I continually question what happens after we die. I learned that the IANDS existed after viewing a DVD film entitled "Afterlife" yesterday in which Raymond Moody was interviewed.

Viewing the film "Afterlife" has had a significant impact on me. I sense a deep change is happening within me in the sense that I feel my life now has a purpose, that I am aware of unconditional love, and that I need to live life as I am, as a curious human being who has experienced something that is very important, and this realisation is ulitmately freeing me of a lot of unhappiness. When I experienced the near suffocation as a child, it was confusing and frightening. Now much later in my life I am beginning to understand the importance of what happened.

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