It all started during September 2006 and August 2007 after months of victimization and bullying by a female line manager. I was constantly threatened with getting fired from my job if I did not go to private doctors for treatment after an injury on duty in 2005. I have been with a general hospital for more than 30 years and I feel comfortable with the situation. I've been working at the head office during the injury on duty and moved to another area where I was victimized, screamed at, threatened etc.One day I was feeling sick with a burning throat and pounding head. It felt like something got stuck in my throat and as the morning proceeded, things did not change. My line manager walked past my office, giving me the look and ordering me to her office. She had a CD playing gospel music while she was scolding me for taking too much time to attend to my injury. At that stage I only took seven days off in 12 months and it was mostly for the sake of seeing specialists or to get physiotherapy for the injury encountered in 2005 or to have infiltrations in my shoulder and neck. I did not understand the fuss of why she put the radio on gospel music while fighting with me. I asked her to either turn down the radio or to stop threatening me. I left her office and went back in my office.
One of my black friends passed by and asked me what was wrong because I looked pale. I could not even speak to him. My head was pounding and I couldn't breathe properly. In the next moment it felt like a strong person was picking me up. I rose from my chair, gasping for air like a panic attack. The line manager came running along and ordered the ambulance on site to take me to the medical center. The doctor at the site proposed that I should see my own doctors and that they should send an ambulance to take me there. She phoned my husband. I was put on oxygen to help me breathe and my blood pressure was very high 200/160. I felt a calmness coming over me and my eyes were half-open. I then realized there was something else with me.
I saw a river road with golden, broken lines going from East to West. It was quite dark on the other side of the river road with its golden lines. Then, I became aware of a presence of something and that I should just step over to the other side. In my mind, I came across lots of people, known and unknown, and I started saying goodbye and having a chat here and there. It was not as if I was only seeing people who had bad encounters with me, I was actually seeing a lot of people around me and at stages I was pausing with someone unknown to me, nothing was said or exchanged between us. The other side was so tempting and I should just take the step. It was as if someone kept on telling me, Take the step to cross the river road, but I decided although it was tempting I still wanted to be with my family who I love dearly. I looked back and once again it was so easy to just take the step. I turned around and it was gone, but the calmness was still with me for weeks to come.
My husband and children were waiting for my arrival at the hospital. I was so glad to see them. I was stabilized and booked off for a month to recover from my ordeal. My line manager did not even try to phone or reach me during those weeks between the hospital and home. It did not really bother me as I became aware that she actually wished me dead.
I told my family what I encountered and that it is actually not difficult to crossover to the other side. We are always afraid of dying. It had an influence on my life from that day on that I shall never be afraid of dying, as I know there is a presence of something much bigger on the other side. It was like I became more aware of a power and knowledge not really understood by human beings. What I learned from my experience is that there must be a God and that it is easy to die and crossover to him. I never saw a bright light and I never saw a tunnel. The only awareness was this bright golden striped road or river going from the East to the West, which could be a sign of the beginning of the day to the end of the day, hence, the East where the sun emerges and West where it goes down.
Before I was booked on for work by my specialist, I prayed a lot and one day the sun came through and I could feel a strong "presence" around me, telling me to get up, go back, and never look back again. I was so positive and went back. I said to myself, if you survive the first three hours at work, you would survive the next six hours. I just believed in the presence of something higher and although I was feeling strange, I shrugged the feeling off and survived the day!
The line manager has a wicked, manipulative soul. She decided three days later to put a letter on my table where she threatened me again for doing things against her will. I just ignored it and she became more wicked by getting backup from the human resources manager to put a letter on my table for absenteeism. It was the very same letter I received a month earlier, but this time I was strong and I knew I would never look back again. She could not understand it and she tried more and more wicked things against me, even telling me I was crazy and that she will prove it and have me fired for that. I just stayed calm and decided to ignore the negative side. She then gave me a poor performance appraisal and manipulated many things because she had influence on senior people on the site. I decided to stick to the facts and applied for a position at the head office. She no longer has any power over me and in the end I think she harmed her own wellness by telling me not to commit suicide. I even received a phone call that I should not even think about suicide. I never thought about suicide in my whole life. She sent me to the psychology counselors and hoped for a report telling her that I am crazy. I am not I just had a breakdown after months of bullying and believed that she had power over influential people who could cost me my job. There are times that I find it difficult to cope, but everyday I am gaining more strength to keep my head up and be positive and to surround myself with positive people. I never used any happy pills, as she so dearly wanted me to. I realized that this would be her next step, if I used happy pills she could get something against me for using drugs while at work. I only rely on God's help and I also listen to my counselor who could not find anything wrong with me.
When I got the position at head office, the manager was telling me she didn't want me to leave as we could build a new, positive relationship. I told her we could not as I will never be able to trust her again in my entire life, but I will forgive and pray for her. She said she is not the one to change. She tried her best to harm my future, but someone out of the blue came to my rescue (at the head office) and I will always be thankful for that person.
Interestingly, I spoke to a friend who suffers from cancer and he was just out of the operating theatre when I went back to the specialist who booked me on for work again. As I entered his hospital room, he was sitting up straight and I asked him if the time was inconvenient to speak about his operation. He said, no we can talk because he had something to share with me: He said he had an experience in the theatre and he started to speak about this golden river going in front of him and someone waving for him to cross over. I was so overwhelmed as I already told my story to my family and they were amazed that this friend of ours had exactly the similar experience. He came back to look after his wife who is suffering from Alzheimer's disease and his son who is disabled. We are planning a get together soon and will celebrate the experiences. I am astonished that he had a similar experience. We both know there is something great out there. It strengthens our beliefs that there is only one God and he is alive.