On October 9th, at 3:25 a.m. I woke my husband up to take me to the hospital. It was cold and raining when we left the house. I was admitted around 4:00 a.m. and my family doctor came in to see me around 6:45 a.m. to break my water. He wanted to speed up the process because he was going out of town and I definitely wanted him to deliver my baby. The doctor told me he would be back around noon. My plans were to have my baby naturally if I could handle it.
I remember the nurse giving me Demerol through the IV and it really knocked me out. I couldn't stay awake. I also remember after the contractions started getting a really bad feeling that something was wrong. I needed to tell the nurses but I couldn't wake up to tell them about it. I was scarred because I knew it was something they needed to know, but I was so knocked out I couldn't wake up to tell them about the serious problem going on with my body. Every time I had a contraction they tried to wake me up and they would hold me up in bed and tell me to push. I couldn't wake up and I kept thinking I needed to tell the nurses something, but couldn't wake up to tell them.
Another doctor that worked with my family doctor had been working with me and was insisting that I have the baby natural but I was beginning to ask them to do something differently. My doctor walked in around noon and I had just yelled out, "Can't that doctor do something?" My husband told me later that the two doctors got into somewhat of a disagreement over me having the baby natural or taking me in and going ahead and taking the baby. The other doctor said he could already see the baby's head and my doctor took charge and took me into delivery.
When the gas mask was put on my face I remember them telling me to take a deep breath. They had given me the drug, Ketamine. I started smothering to death and I remember fighting and trying to get the mask off. I remember finally taking the deep breath and I was really very scared that I was smothering to death. I saw a vent in the ceiling start to spin around; it began to double and triple until the whole ceiling looked like a million vents all side by side, and I was rising up to meet them. I could feel myself leaving. I was smothering and remember fighting to try and breathe, but then I was gone. (My husband told me later that I didn't fight or do anything when they put the mask on me. He said he really thought that I had died. He said I looked like I was dead, and he asked the anesthesiologist if I was okay and the anesthesiologist told him I was fine.)
All of a sudden I was going straight up in a very fast motion and I was standing up. I was going higher and higher and all of a sudden I was in what looked like a tunnel. It had jail cells on the left side of the tunnel and just a wall that looked like it was made out of bricks on the other side. It was dark and gloomy and looked like some kind of dungeon. It was rounded on the top of the tunnel. I was standing still in the tunnel and I could see an old man sitting on the left side of the door at the end of the tunnel; the door was closed. I knew he was there to keep anyone from going through the door.
Then just in an instant I was in the jail cell that seemed like only about two, maybe three jail cells from the door. I started thinking, praying, and wondering how I could get out. I remember someone being in the cell to my left. I cried out to God for help and in an instant, in a blink of an eye, I was out of the jail cell and standing in the walkway of the tunnel again. This time in front of the door and the door was open. There was a bright light shining through the doorway and I was standing right in front of the open door. I looked at the old man who was still sitting there to the left of the door, and he was looking straight ahead. I was worried about trying to walk past him, but I was almost up beside him and he didn't seem to notice me standing there. I decided to go through the door and walked through the door.
I will never forget the feeling when I walked through that door. I could never in a million years relay to anyone what I felt when I walked through that door. It took my breath away and I just stood there in amazement, trying to breathe all of it into me because it was so wonderful. When I entered through the door I could not believe what was happening to me. It was so wonderful and so powerful. There are no words that can describe or explain the feeling. When I stepped through that door, I knew that I had walked inside of God. I had walked into his being. I had walked into God. I said, "God I have walked into you. I am inside of you. God I am in you." I could not get over being inside of God. He was everywhere. It was like God was heaven and I walked into God. I remember standing there just repeating these words over and over again.
The next thing I remember, I was with people who seemed to all be dressed in white robes. Everything around me was white. I can't say it was clouds for sure but it seemed to be similar. These people were sitting down talking and I was talking with them and it was as if I knew everyone there. It was as if we were in space. There were no buildings, no furniture or anything, just people and everything white. I stood up to leave. Now I'm watching myself walk away from the people and I said, "I have to go now. I have to go take care of my baby girl." The people didn't want me to leave. I don't remember actually seeing faces and knowing for sure whom any of these people were, but the presence of the one begging me to stay, I felt was possibly my grandmother who passed away in 1972. I felt very comfortable talking with her and very close to her. They seemed to be begging me to stay with them. It's like they almost had a hold on me but not quite. Again, I said, "No! I have to go back and take care of my baby girl. She needs me." I was walking away from them and I was looking back over my right shoulder as I kept telling them, "No! I have to go back now. I have to go back."
I continued to walk away and all of a sudden I started descending. At this point, I am no longer looking at myself, I was now coming straight down real fast and it seemed like the thoughts in my mind were racing faster than I was descending. I had the following thoughts going through my mind: I have a baby girl. I'm so excited! A baby girl! I have to go take care of her. Continuously things of this nature were going over and over in my mind and then all of a sudden it was like I had left God's heavenly realm and entered a different realm. The thoughts changed in my mind. I said, "That would be funny. I'll get there and will have already had the baby and wasn't there to have it. This is unbelievable. This is great, I'll get back and there will be that baby girl and I wasn't there to have her. I was saying all kinds of things about having a baby girl and had to get there to take care of her and then in an instant I was transformed from one realm into another, it seemed as if I had crossed a line or something and my thoughts started changing.
The thoughts now had changed to: What?" She can't be there. I wasn't there for them to take her. I couldn't have had her. What am I thinking? She can't be there yet. Lord this is crazy! She's not going to be born yet. They will have to wait until I get there. Needless to say I was very upset all of a sudden.
When the nurses woke me up, I heard one of them say, "You have a baby girl." I said, "I know!" I heard them start laughing. Again one of the nurses said, "Do you know you have a baby girl?" I said, "Yes!" And they laughed again. One nurse said, "What's her name?" I said, the name and again they all laughed.
I shared some of this with my husband in the hospital. It was then he shared with me that he thought he had lost me. I told him he should have but God blessed me and let me stay. He then questioned me. I told him how I had prayed daily for my safety and for God to protect the child and me. Then he told me that he had been worried also and had asked a friend of his to pray for the baby and me on several occasions. He then told me right after they put the mask on me that he thought I was gone and asked if I was okay. The anesthesiologist told him I was fine.
When the doctor came in to visit with me in the hospital I told him about having the experience, and he wanted to hear it but didn't have time right then. I never spoke to my doctor about it after that. I think I died and came back.