I was 23. My son was 7 years old. I was working a lot of hours. I remember that during that time, I worked 16-18 hour for at least three months with no day off. I barely saw my child. The guilt from that was overwhelming. I told my husband that I needed to quit. He talked me out of it saying that we couldn’t afford it.
My husband and I worked together. We were in restaurant management for a prominent chain. We had recently been transferred to a resort town in Delaware. I was terribly depressed from working so much. I went to bed every night praying for God to take me. I said that I hate it here (on earth). I did not want to live anymore.
I finally gave up on God taking me. I decided to take my own life. It was important that nobody stop me. I planned to check into a hotel, pay three days in advance and ask that I not be disturbed. Then, I would kill myself by slitting my wrists in the tub. I would have plenty of time to die without anyone finding me and being able to save me.
The night before the day I was to carry out my plan, I went upstairs to my bathroom to get ready for bed. I was standing in front of the sink. I had my toothpaste in one hand and toothbrush in the other about to squeeze on the toothpaste. I felt extremely nauseated for a couple of seconds and saw in the mirror that I was falling.
Immediately I was somewhere else. I had not only been there before, but it was also very familiar. That place is where I came from before I had this life on earth. Before this near-death experience, I had thought that our lives started when we were born here. That is not the case for me. I do not know if that is the case for everyone. Had I stayed there, I would have been returning.
All of that is only knowledge. I have only memory of darkness. I saw nothing. I did not see the entity or person who was with me either. Even so, I know the person very well. He was no stranger to me at all. I will try to explain how he communicated with me.
He didn’t speak with words. He never said any words to me. It was as if we were one. If you could let someone inside of you to feel you, that would be similar. I felt peace and patience. I could have stood there deciding what to do forever. He would have just waited. I knew that.
The thing that makes me know that I was in some type of body is that I was trembling. It wasn’t because I was afraid. I had no fear at all. It seemed to be from being in the entity’s presence. Other than the trembling, I didn’t have any other awareness of my body. I also did not speak words like we do.
It was like saying something inside your head, I guess. I kept saying over and over, “I hate it there. Please don’t make me go back. I don’t want to go back.” Once I had gotten it all out, I was in my son’s room. He was showing me my son. (At that time, I remember seeing some light there. I can’t remember the light clearly, like it was off to the side). When I saw my son I said, “Oh yeah, Michael. I have to go back.”
Immediately when I made that decision, I was awake. My husband was tapping me on the face. He asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital. I said, “No, I’m fine.” He said that I was unconscious for about 10 minutes. I do not know if I had a pulse or was breathing during the event. I didn’t tell him about it until years later. We have since divorced.
Although, I have been depressed many times since then, the depression that I felt then went away. I did not want to kill myself anymore. I cannot say that I have been the greatest mother, but there must be some reason that I should be here with my son. Or maybe, the entity just knew that reminding me of him would make me want to return to earth.