NDE Accounts

Ascension

PRELUDE

I spent the first 40 years of my life as an "equal opportunity hater." I was filled with an underlying anger at everyone, including myself.  My life had no real direction or purpose except for the gathering of possessions.

I managed to destroy two marriages by sleeping around with any one I could find, and in the privacy of my own home (never in my public facade) was extremely verbally abusive to my wives.  I felt that women were very weak (because they believed in something called love), and it was very easy to manipulate them just by lying, and telling them what they wanted to hear.  I don't honestly know why I married them, for I had never felt this emotion called love.  I considered it a waste of time to even think about it, for we are all going to die someday, so why bother.  I never showed any affection toward them because that was not a manly thing to do!  Women were necessary for only a few things: sex, cooking, and usually cleaning up the messes I left all over the house.  Any questioning or protesting brought immediate vindictive anger, usually in the form of yelling or fighting.

Men were a lot easier to understand; I felt that they were the only ones that I could have an intelligent conversation with.  Besides, it was very easy to enter a room full of men and size them up to weed out the weaker ones, and have my conversations and arguments with the stronger ones.  I only talked with what I considered to be a true man.  I was usually quite polite with those who could help me in my career before I used some of them up, and then "stabbed them in the back".  It was not very hard for me to take what I wanted from them: i.e. sex with their wives, or manipulation of their jobs.

I did not feel powerful in doing any of these things; I just felt that this was what a man was supposed to do.  As for the rest of the world, I considered all of the wars and suffering of other people as a validation for the way that I was.  If a few million people died through wars or starvation, that just left more in the world for me!

I was addicted to watching the proliferation of violence on the television and in the movies, and listening to the angry conversations on the radio.  With all of these built up layers of hate, anger and aggression, I was never able to enjoy life.  Even the new possessions that I had gathered around me to show off to my friends would only give me a few days of pleasure, before they would begin to bore me and I felt the need to go out and buy more.

I refused to look at my own misery; for there seemed to be a large black hole in my life, and no matter how hard I tried I could not fill it with anything permanently satisfying.

Near-Death Experience

Approximately 11 years ago I was driving my camper home from an outing in the desert.  Approaching a busy red lighted intersection at about 60-mph, I started to depress the break pedal.  It felt kind of mushy as the pedal went straight to the floor.  I was not going to be able to stop the vehicle, so I quickly decided to downshift the transmission to slow the vehicle, and swerve off the road into the sand.  To my surprise, no matter how I tried, it would not shift.  Having no options left to me at this time, I depressed the horn and plowed into the intersection.  I managed to swerve around the first car in view and was then deeply broad sided by another vehicle, which flipped my camper on to it's side.  Fortunately, I was later to learn that no one else was seriously hurt in the accident.

As I was slipping in and out of consciousness in the paramedic's van, I remember seeing my clothes soaked in my own blood, for my head had been split open in two separate places.  The last thing I remember was the doctor's talking to each other at the hospital, and then I slipped into total "unconsciousness".  I use this word to describe what was told to me, but in reality I was in some other plane both watching and aware of my spirit leaving my body.  I could see my body below me for a few seconds, and then I was swept away at what felt like a great speed.  I could see many colors of light on both sides of me, all starting to blend together.  As I felt my speed increase, the colors appeared to become a blinding white tunnel in which I was traveling through.

I apologize if this sounds weird or strange to you, because it was even stranger to me.  For the first time in my life I could feel no anger, and I absolutely felt no concern about what was going to happen to me.  The many colors and blinding white tunnel that were around me I can only describe as beautiful (a word I rarely used in my lifetime, then in the wrong context and with an entirely different meaning).

I had lost the ability to communicate, and was alone with only my sight and internal thoughts.  I visited different types of worlds, many with different colored skies.  I was shown many varied life forms and civilizations in this universe; some appeared frightening and some quite wondrously beautiful.  My understanding of my previous life was so different from what I was experiencing.  The only thoughts that kept repeating to me were "If I had only known of the beauty I was seeing: and that I must stop being so fearful and egotistical in the assumption that I was the only intelligence in the Universe".  It was then that the voyage suddenly stopped, and I experienced an immediate loss of my sight.  An extremely enhanced sensitivity to my emotions, thought process and surroundings had entered into my spirit.

You will have to forgive me if this becomes difficult for you to understand, for words are quite inadequate, and sometimes useless in their attempt to express the true experience.  All that I can give to you are these words that are here with us now.  I was given a knowing (something entirely different than faith) that in our future to come; all written or spoken words will become an unnecessary form of communication.

It felt as if I was suddenly stopped in a state or a plane of consciousness, totally surrounded by an orange/golden light.  There were all kinds of spirit life forms that I could identify with, and quite a few that I could not.  The feeling of peace was there, and for the first time in my life I felt a powerful unconditional love entering and surrounding my being.  This love was all fulfilling, and I felt no need for anything else.  I desired nothing but to remain in this place for an eternity.  I have no idea how long I remained there, for time no longer had any meaning to me.

I then felt the emanations of a highly evolved spirit come towards me, and the strength of his love and compassion pour out all over me.  Through some means of telepathy he informed me regarding my many past lives, and started to question me.  I felt compelled that I must answer truthfully to any questions that would be asked of me, for I knew that he would immediately know if I told a lie.

He asked if I knew why I had been through this experience.  I truthfully answered no.  I was told that I had a long history of past lives filled with anger, aggression and hate.  I was so stubborn that I needed this experience to realize that unconditional love is the most powerful force in this beautiful universe, and that it's beauty was made by a benign creator.

I was then asked why I hated so much and caused hurt to so many people.  I explained that if there was a god, then why had he created a world in which there is death, war and great suffering.  Humans did not seem to care too much for each other, and I needed to survive.  Somehow I felt that he had been given this same answer to this question many times, so I added the comment that many people live out their lives this way.

He answered me by saying "Wars and suffering were not created by God, but were the creation of the human race, out of fear and hatred.  God had created the human form to look different from each other, so that we would learn to increase our love for all kinds of forms.  As far as death is concerned, we have all passed through many lives of our own."  And he continued, "You should have listened to your inner self to realize that only the body dies: for your spirit was made for an eternity.  "

"Death is the creator's greatest gift, used for the transition of your spirit into higher realms.  The realm that you are now in and the powerful unconditional love that you feel would destroy the body that you formerly inhabited.  Your own spiritual evolution will automatically manifest to change your bodily form.  You must learn that the creator is truly benign, for if it was not so, how could you continue to live life after life until your lessons are learned?"

I started to ask him a question of my own, but I felt within myself something slipping.  I then felt the sensation of swift passage again, and even though I tried, I could not reverse the process and return to that beautiful realm (of which I now lovingly call Home).

My sight returned, and I watched my spirit go slowly back into my body.  I again heard the doctor's voices.  A sense of such great loss and sadness filled my spirit for there had been so much to learn, and it seemed that all of the love and peace that I had felt was gone.  Then the most horrid event happened.  All of my hate, anger and aggression came back into me.  I had been violated!  It was the doctor's fault for not leaving me alone, and letting me pass on.  The shock to my spirit had been so great, I did not realize that I had brought something back with me.

INTEGRATION

I was told that I had suffered no permanent brain damage, and that I had been totally unconscious for only about three days.  But for some reason I could not make any more excuses for myself: my hate and anger were my own internal 'brain damage'.

I did however suffer from some memory loss.  After returning to work, I realized that my career as an Associate Engineer in the Electronics Industry was over.  I could no longer work in that field, because many of the electronic formulas that I had studied in college were lost to my memory.  I struggled with these lost memories for a couple of weeks, and became extremely fearful of the consequences.  Not producing any productive work, I was compelled to approach my supervisor and try to explain what had happened.

I made the mistake (unfortunately not only for the first time) of being honest with him in my experience.  I watched him slowly back away from me as if I had a contagious disease.  I was given my final paycheck and escorted out the door.  During the next year I lost many of my friends by sharing even just a part of my experience.  Anytime I broached the subject with my wife she would just scream at me to shut up for I was acting crazy.

Feeling lost and totally alone with my experience, I withdrew into myself and rarely talked to anyone.  It was during that time that I had a lucid dream that would start to change my life forever.  I call it lucid for lack of a better word.  The dream seemed to have a shining intelligence and awareness about it, and I was engaged in a two-way conversation with that highly evolved spirit from the NDE.  I sometimes still experience lucid dreaming and lucid thought processes even while I am awake.  Instead of fearing these experiences, I have slowly grown to love and trust them.  The thought processes that enter my head through these spirits are sometimes so foreign to my own that I simply call these spirits the voices in my head.

In the dream I was in a large room filled with many different colored translucent panels on the floor, which appeared to be made of some type of crystalline substance.  There were pathways leading all around these panels so that a choice could be made as to which one might be entered.  I was drawn towards the golden/orange colored panel and stepped on to it.  Again I experienced a feeling of speed, and I was swept inward to a different state.  I glanced to my left, and saw a group of women frantically applying make-up to their faces.  To the right, I saw a group of construction men putting clothes into a locker room.  I did not like the feelings of this place, and so I went to the center section of the room and attempted to step onto a bright white colored panel on the floor.

The spirit's voice then spoke to me "You are not ready to enter there!  No anger, hate, aggressive or fearful thoughts will ever enter through that panel."  I was elated to hear his voice again, and asked the question "How do I get out of this place?"  He replied, "There was no such place as outward, but only inward!  You have lost almost all of your friends, and feel lonely and confused.  That was necessary for you to start the cleansing of your thought process.  Thoughts are very powerful, and as you think, so you are.  I and one other are here to help you through this process."

Still unsure and distrusting, I then set up an appointment with a psychiatrist.  I walked into her office, sat down, and stated that I had only one question for her.  I asked, "A friend of mine was recently involved in an automobile accident.  Is it unusual for a traumatic event to cause him to change his whole way of life?"  I could tell by the look on her face that she knew that I was speaking about myself, especially because the scars on my face had not yet had a chance to heal.  She replied that it was very common, and that if I had any difficulties with the problem, I could come to see her anytime.

On the way home from her office, I had mixed feelings of validation and concern.  How was I supposed to get rid of all of this anger and hate?  I did not want to alienate myself from any more of my friends, so I took the chance and again discussed this with my wife.  She informed me that she could not tell me how, since she never got angry, and that I was stupid in going into that office and paying someone to talk about my craziness.  This was the last time that I ever talked to my wife about an experience that she could not understand.

About a month later, again I experienced a lucid dream.  The voice said "Why do you need validation from others for what I say to you?  Your aggressive and hateful emotions emanate from the fear of the unknown, and your anger comes from the continuous judgments that you layer upon yourself and everyone else.  You are to leave your family and all of your possessions behind, and go out into the world as homeless!"

I could not believe what I had heard, and there was no way I was going to do that!  I possessed neither the courage nor foresight in what I was being told to do.  I pleaded, and asked for forgiveness to no avail.  The beautiful spirit was silent, and for the next year my relationship with my wife deteriorated into ugliness.  We would fight almost every night, and I found myself in a living hell.  The thought of Karma continuously entered my head.  The kinder I became (to try to save myself from the ordeal of homelessness), the more vindictive she became.  It finally dawned on me that something had to change, because I had just been laid off from my job and my wife's anger had escalated into violence.

I asked the voices again what I should do.  "Leave now, and live in the streets as homeless.  Take no money with you, or any form of ID.  Do not attempt to look for work, or find any place at a shelter.  You will beg for all of the food that you eat".  So, filled with a great fear, I found some warm clothes, and telling no one in my family (my wife and her two grown children from a previous marriage) of my going, I headed out for the streets.

The first few days were hard on me.  I did not know how to beg for money for food, and I started to get very hungry.  The nights were cold, and the only way I could think of staying warm was to sleep in the trash containers that were behind stores.  I kept on walking during the day and did manage to finally get some food into my stomach.  I found a place within the inner city where a group of people where living in boxes covered with blankets to try to keep warm.  At first they seemed to be antagonistic toward me, but as they realized that I was there not to harm anyone, they did not bother me.

By this time my stomach had shrunk in size so I needed less food to feel full.  I started to share with them what little I had, and they eventually responded in kind.  The group was composed of little children and their mothers, a few teenagers, and men, some of whom were alcoholics.  As I slowly befriended these people whom society had forgotten, my compassion for them started to grow.

I had always believed that homeless people were cruel, unkind, violent and drugged out.  It was a shock to me to realize that was not always the case.  Most of them had experienced some form of violent relationships in their home, and some of them had just given up on life and wanted to be left alone.

One night, two strangers attacked us.  Brandishing knives, they approached us.  I was not about to let them hurt what I now considered to be my new family, and wrapping some cloth around my arms, I cautiously approached them (I had been a former Marine Corps Sergeant and been reasonably well trained in fighting techniques).  I could not understand why both of them suddenly bolted and ran, until I turned around.  My 'family' had bonded together, and with pipes and hammers they also had been approaching the attackers.  After the ugly incident was over, and we set up watchers for the rest of the night, I had another lucid dream.

I watched as the outline of a human form appeared before me, and I saw tiny sparkles of a beautiful bright light engulf the whole form.  The sparkles of light looked exactly like the same sparkles that appear when you light a sparkler on the 4th of July.  I could see these tiny lights sort of sliding off the arms and hands of the human form and falling to the ground.  I saw the greatest concentration of them where the feet touched the earth.  It also appeared that many of these lights were entering into the feet from the ground.  I asked the voices what I was seeing.  "You have now learned to feel compassion for other people.  What you are now watching is the exchange of compassion, love, energy and light between the human form and this planet, which is also a living entity.  This is the pure natural condition of the human form and it's spirit, and all other forms of life on this planet, as the creator intended."  As I watched this exchange, I realized that this was the giving back to this world from which we all take so much.  All of my possessions that I had surrounded myself with was used basically for my own ego (things used to impress someone else).  I looked deep within myself, and found out that my begging and living in the streets had totally killed my ego.  The amazing thing was, I did not miss it, nor did I feel I was less than or greater than anyone else in this world.  Looking even deeper, I felt that the process of the peeling of the layers of anger was well on its way!

"You must leave this place now and go back home to your wife, for she is in the same angry and hateful state that you have been in and is suffering.  She is miserable both in your staying, and in your going.  Do not judge anything that she says to you, because her path to spiritual awakening will be harder for her than for you.  Also remember that no matter when the words I will speak to her through you are spoken they will eventually enter into her, either in this life or her next lives to come.  You will then have to leave her for the last time, but even this action she will eventually come to understand, for you and I will leave her a special gift that she will not forget to ease her suffering."

I awoke saddened that I was going to leave this place, especially for the children.  I could never have any of my own, and this loose knit family of mine had allowed me to spend some time with them.  With the first tears running down my face, I told them that I would have to leave (it seemed inconceivable to me that a man should cry).  My leaving seemed to effect a few others, for mine were not the only tears present.

When I finally arrived back home, my wife told me that she had missed me very much, and that she had called the police department and had me listed as a missing person.  At that moment I realized that some of my increased sensitivity from my NDE was still with me.  It felt like some sort of ugly sickness or poison had traveled between the two of us, and I was immediately aware that she had lied to me.  I said nothing in return to her, because she would not have listened anyway.

This part of my life with my wife is the most difficult to write about, for I had been forbidden to judge.  When I look back on my own life, and see the way I had been, most assuredly I had no right to judge anyone.

Within two weeks I found a good job, but my wife could not hold back her anger and started to turn violent again.  I have not mentioned this before now, but my wife was an alcoholic.  Her drinking changed her from a loving and kind person, into an angry and sometimes violent person.  This was hard to take, and even harder, now that I knew that I was not to judge: but I felt compassion anyway for this woman who I could no longer live with in harmony.

One Saturday evening, she had gone to bed early from drinking too much beer, and lay passed out on the bed.  As I lay next to her, I heard the voices instructing me on how to heal an old painful hip wound that she had received many years ago in a motorcycle accident.  Ever since I had known her, she would wake up in the morning and limp around painfully for about 10 minutes before she could walk normally.

Since I had never healed anyone before, I doubted that I could.  The voices told me that for this healing to happen, I had to replace all of my doubting and all of my faith with a 'knowing' that this would work.  After about two hours of concentrating only on the voices, I reached over with my right hand and gently laid it on her left hip.  Both of my hands became extremely warm, and I became as one with her.  I remembered the beautiful exchange between the human form and this world that I had seen previously; and then I could feel the hurt from her hip enter into me.  It was then that I realized this healing was to be the gift for her that she would not forget.

My wife immediately sat straight up in the bed and with great anger and vindictiveness said, "What are you doing?  Take your hands away from me.  I did not give you permission to do that!"  Then she fell back on the bed and went to sleep.  I watched her as she awoke the next morning and got out of bed.  Her limping was gone, and her hip pain did not come back again.  She did not seem to remember anything from the previous night, and went on with her life as if nothing had happened.

Within two weeks, I received notice that my mother had died, so I drove to Arizona to settle her estate.  I became friendly with some of her neighbors, and found them to be a great help for me in the support that I needed.  One day when I was walking with them into an undeveloped portion of the desert, the subject came up about how useless the desert was without water, and how good it would be when the sub-division of houses would be built on this spot.  I had always enjoyed wilderness areas, and the desert has always been one of my favorite places.  They had moved on ahead of me, for I had stopped, and the voices came to me.  I could clearly see where an underground stream of water was located, deep within the earth.  It was a beautiful sight, and I was given a knowing of how to call the water to me.

The voices asked me what I would do with this knowledge.  My first thought was that I would try and use the water to destroy the homes that were going to be built on this spot.  Immediately, the knowing was taken away from me, and the voices said "You are not yet ready for this gift, for it must not be used to destroy.  The desert is not your private possession, but a place given to all out of love from the creator."

I had failed in my test for knowledge of power, and to this day I still remember the seeing of the stream and the song used to call it to me.  But without the knowing, which has nothing to do with hope or faith, it will remain as just a beautiful seeing and song within my heart.  I now realize that my process of un-learning is still not complete.

Arriving back home, I again felt as if I was in a living hell.  My wife was deriving some sort of perverse pleasure in trying to make me angry.  She would scream, fight, and did manage once to hit me full face with her fist.  But I did not respond.  Many were the times that she told me that no one in my home loved or wanted me around.

Suffering combined with compassion is a very strange feeling.  It was then that another voice had entered into my lucid dreaming.  Where before I had only heard masculine voices, I now heard a feminine voice speak to me.  She asked me "What is the greatest gift from the creator?  You cannot enter where you want to go without it".  I was at a complete loss as to what was being asked.  After some reflection, I realized that at no time in my life had I ever truly felt real love for a woman.  I replied to that voice that the greatest gift from the creator was the love between a man and a woman.  The voice then replied that "Love was a let, not a force or a possession.  You must learn this, and keep it at all times close to your heart.  Do not be afraid of this love, let it come freely into your spirit: for there is someone who is waiting to return this love in kind to you".

I needed some time alone to think about what had been told to me, and try to find some peace in my life, so I went camping for a few days.  I had chosen a spot next to a stand of trees, right next to a beautiful lake.  The next morning, I tried to eat a snack of Dorrito chips, but when I opened the bag the campground became filled with wasps.  I threw some chips to the ground for them to eat, but they didn't seem interested.  Instead of the peace that I was searching for, all that I felt was agitated that they would not leave me alone.

I heard a thundering voice in my head say "Why are you acting like a little child?  You should have learned patience by now, and how to bring peace into your life.  Be still and unafraid, and hold some food outstretched in your hand".  It took me a few minutes to get rid of my fear, and very slowly I extended my left hand out with some food in it.  I watched as the wasps landed on my hand, and started eating the chips.  Peace filled my entire being, as the wasps covered my whole hand.  I could sense that they would not sting or bite me as long I remained in this state of peace, and showed no fear.  The weekend turned out to be very peaceful, with just the voices and the wasps.  I shared every meal with them, and came back without one sting or bite.

I returned home with an even more enhanced sensitivity in my being, and I told my wife what had happened.  I was totally unconcerned with any reaction that I might receive from her.  After receiving her usual response that I was crazy, the voices took over my entire being, and spoke to her.  They told her of the healing of her hip, and the healing of my spirit through my near death experience with a clarity of understanding that I did not possess.  I felt their words soften her anger somewhat, and she did not speak to me for a couple of days.  Unfortunately this effect was not long in lasting, for she did not want to hear what was said.  It seemed obvious to me that she was still addicted to her own anger and suffering, and was not going to change.

That evening, I dreamed I was in a place with a beautiful blue sky, and I saw many colored translucent bubbles floating around.  Some seemed to coalesce into groups with each other, while others just migrated from one group to another.  Inside of these bubbles, were smaller circular objects with transparent conduits protruding from the inside of them, and I could see small sparkles of energy travel through these conduits from each circular object, with varying degrees of intensity.  It was truly a beautiful sight, but I lacked the understanding of any meaning to what I was witnessing.

The voices told me that I was looking at the human thought process.  The coalesced bubbles were from similar thought processes, which grouped themselves together to form large families of bubbles.  The smaller circular objects within the bubble contained all of the different thoughts that we have experienced during our current lifetime, and the tiny sparkles of light were the energy that we put into these thoughts.  I could feel a certain sickness emanating from some of the groups: many others contained varying degrees of love, light and compassion.  Again I was reminded of how powerful thoughts truly are and the creative effects that they have on the reality of this world and the universe, both of which are truly our home.

It was unfortunate that my wife and I were eventually separated and divorced, because she had refused to give up her drinking, and we had grown too far apart.  In actuality I had I became truly at a loss as how to explain all that had happened in my life to anyone, and I thought that no one else would understand.

The voices told me to feel and see with my heart, and to look for what was on the inside of a person, and to ignore what was on the outside.  My love for these voices has grown immeasurably over the years, for eventually I found the one woman I could truly love unconditionally.  Her heart is also overflowing with love and understanding, and her compassion for gentleness and kindness is greater than my own.  We have been together for over two years, without one single disagreement or argument.

It was about 3AM on March 26 of this year, when I swiftly sat upright in my bed, for the voices had told me that it was time for me to write of my experiences.  I felt both uneasy and apprehensive, for I had never tried to put this experience into words.  I tried not to take the voices too seriously, but I could not fall back to sleep.  My tossing and turning awoke my beautiful wife and I told her of the dream.  She also thought that it was a good idea.  We both finally fell back to sleep, unaware of the implications of what I had been told.  That very same day, I was included in a layoff from work, and somehow my wife's intuitiveness told her that what had happened would give me the time to write.  If it had not been for her love and support, I doubt that this experience would have been put to words so soon.

The intent of writing all of this down is not to just write a story about an NDE.  I now know that this is not an exclusive experience.  I consider myself to be no different than anyone else, but I still have this strange combination of feelings of compassion and suffering.  The only difference is that they are no longer directed inward; but rather outward toward other people.  I find myself so sensitive to our environment, that I am unable to watch television, read the newspaper or listen to the radio.  I have not shut myself out from this world; it's just that I can no longer think within its terms.  I have experienced a very shifted view of a physical and spiritual reality, and it causes me great suffering to know that sometimes in this world, our anger can manifest itself with useless wars, untimely death and destruction of our own making.  Even though we seem to be stuck in this cycle, it does not have to be this way.

Truly, the healing that we all need is within our own thoughts.  Somewhere during the course of this lifetime, we all have felt alone and afraid.  This is the experience of the large black hole that we all try to fill up with something: i.e. drugs, sex, possessions, work.  The list is endless.  If you don't believe that this is the truth, then take a real good look around you.  Look at our world, your family, friends, and then take a real good look at yourself.  This seeing is not a time for any judgments whatsoever, for anger and judging are one and the same.  Rather it is a starting place of our own process of un-learning separateness.  Instead of usual running away in fear from this, I am asking all of us to do the unusual: to have enough courage to stop, turn around and face it.

This un-learning of separateness requires no hope or faith for its fulfillment.  It is a very natural state in the process of self-realization.  You will find this black hole within everyone and that in most cases it will contain absolutely nothing.  This nothingness is the driving force in our spirit that causes us so desperately to try and find some meaning to our lives.

I cannot over emphasize the importance of this, nor can I just give it to you from my words.  It must be experienced as the truth in all of us, by a brutal forgiving honesty.  Once realized, it becomes obvious that we are all in the 'family of one', separateness having been dropped as we all search to fill this nothingness.

The universe was created out of love, and we are all a part of that creation.  The unconditional love that I felt during my NDE was very powerful.  Instinctively we fear this kind of love by layering it with many conditions.  The greatest fear we face is, will this love I give be returned?  It's as if we all think that we only have so much to give, and that it might run out.  We tend to look at other's failures as the only reality in this world, and become even more fearful of this powerful emotion.  Somehow we have forgotten that the giving of love is the blessing, and returns to the sender an abundance of even more to give.  This is the lesson that we all have to learn; this is what we need to fill that big black hole with!  I know in my spirit that these lessons will be learned by all, and then we shall all be transformed into new planes, and be given even greater gifts to share.

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I was one with God consciousness

The birth of my third child was by emergency c-section. The overtone during the birth/surgery was one of hushed, quiet voices. Very little shared or explained. A general feeling of unease throughout. 

Once the birth/surgery was over I was reunited with my little one in the Maternity Ward. I was in a lot of pain as was to be expected and had what I thought to be an unusual amount of discomfort. I had had two previous c-sections and I knew that this felt different. I was assured all was well and that the healing was on track. 

I was allowed to go home two days later. I thought that if I got home, I would begin to feel better again. But what followed was ten days of subdued, quiet awareness. Like I wasn't quite myself but could not pinpoint what was wrong. Two more visits to the Midwife proved everything to be 'fine'. Even though my baby was losing weight and I had no milk. But none of these rang alarm bells for me or the medical staff, and my assertations of general unease were put down to my recent surgery. It was noted, however, that I had an extreme amount of bruising around the incision. The midwife made my doctor aware of this and was told to keep an eye on it and if I was concerned, then I should book an appointment.

The ten days blurred by. I was aware that my baby was incredibly patient and quiet. Rarely cried and slept most of the time. It didn't occur to me that I had no milk until perhaps the seventh day. Uncharacteristically, he began to wail. And it all began to make sense. That night we gave him milk from the fridge as it was all we had and he was soothed.

I had begun to bleed by this stage. Bright red drops. Light at first, nothing too alarming. I thought it odd, but my thoughts were not clear. Over the next three days, the bleeding became heavier until on the tenth day I could not keep up with the pad change. I called the doctor, still unconcerned. I made my appointment and sat down to feed my baby.

Not long after I sat down, I felt an overwhelming sense of something. A fullness perhaps. An eruption just about to begin. At that exact moment, my husband walked in the door. Home early to grab a bite to eat. I gave him the baby with an urgency that overcame me. I just knew I needed to get up.

And then the flood began. The blood streamed down my legs, warm and heavy. The flow was torrential. At some point, my husband had put the baby down and was now holding me. I was leaning against him crying and crying out. “What is happening??” I simply did not understand what I was seeing and feeling. I squeezed my legs tight together in an effort to stop the flow. To no avail.

And then suddenly I understood the absurdity of trying to control this. I realised there was nothing I could do that could change this and I had to simply go with it. I had the intense sensation that my whole life was bleeding away, and I was overcome with a sense of peace. Time and space slowed right down. I could see decisions and the choices being made. I took a long deep breath and saw the Universe shifting and expanding.

I knew then that I could make a choice to be terrified and panic. Or I could make a choice to surrender. Let go. Let go of my life. And I saw that there was, in fact, no choice. There was only one. Let go. And it felt like a complete letting go of my life.

My husband put me in the shower while he raced around getting things organised. In his panic, he forgot to turn on the hot water. I had a ridiculous thought that I was going to bleed to death in a freezing shower and I began to laugh! But then as I saw the blood in its constant stream, I slowly cried. Big heavy tears. Watching my life slip away has a very calming and grounding effect on me. And by this stage, nothing was stopping the blood. I shoved a towel between my legs to catch the flow. I noticed that there was blood all over the floor. Everywhere. And I felt that panic again. And then I breathed. That slowness. That higher part of myself stepped in. She knew exactly what to do and slowed everything down.

And everything stayed incredibly slow. My husband was talking too fast. Moving too fast. Driving too fast. More than once I asked him to slow down in a very calmed, measured voice. He looked at me like I was crazy. Arriving at the hospital was intense. Everyone around me was in emergency mode. I couldn't reconcile it with how I was feeling. Calm. Still. Quiet. I wanted to sleep.

I was later transferred to a larger hospital and thought it a bit of an overreaction with the lights, sirens and speed of the ambulance. The nurse and medic beside me continued to move with speed. 

Once at the hospital, I was prepped for surgery with cannula after cannula going into my arms and hands. Each new doctor asked what, when, how. And I think I explained it to them but I have little memory of this time. I felt I was talking too slowly and quietly for them to understand. I had several hours where I lost consciousness here. When I awoke it was to find they were flying me to a city hospital. I think this is the first time reality stepped in. I suddenly understood where I was and what was happening and I began to cry again.

The plane waited several more hours as I needed to be stable enough to make the flight. Eventually, late at night, I was wrapped in blankets waiting on the gurney in an open hanger to board the Flying Doctors plane. I was conscious again and I could see the stars all around me. And suddenly the distance between those stars and me was reduced to nothing. I was aware that I was the stars, the universe and consciousness. I found my Presence here. Under these stars. I saw everything as a whole and connected. And it was overwhelming and normal all at once. I felt such immense joy! I was part of this!

On the journey to the city, I felt completely supported and surrounded by what one could only call angelic beings. So were so close I felt I could touch them. I really wanted to be with them but the doctor kept gently shaking me awake. I smiled up at him each time. It was so peaceful in that semi-conscious state. Everything had a beautiful golden glow.

Just before surgery, I was waiting in a small room beside the operating theatre. The anesthetist was beside me. She said she would check if they were ready for me and left me alone. In those moments I started to cry again. Big, slow tears rolling down my face as I lay there. I was just so tired. So incredibly tired. Soul weary. I realised I didn't want to be kept awake anymore. I just wanted to sleep. And in sleeping, I knew I would be giving up my life. And I decided that it was the easiest decision I had ever made. I felt my body and mind begin to let go.

Then I saw a hand beside me. And a firm and cheery voice said to me, “Are you coming with us then? Or staying here?” And I knew what this meant. I knew I was leaving my body. I was shown briefly an apocalyptic scene and was given the understanding that this had been my life. A life lived in fear. Then I reached out for that hand and had a split-second of thinking about my family. I knew immediately that they would be ok. They had their own life. 

And then freedom. Immense and full. Understanding and knowing. I was pulled out of my body very fast. And then the music began. And fireworks. A celebration on every level. Choirs of angels and jubilation! I felt free. I was weightless. A beam of light. Flying, soaring through the bright sky. The light was immense and went in every direction. Blue, bright sky everywhere. I had those first few moments of reveling in that glory of freedom. And then I knew exactly where I needed to be.

I moved off in a specific direction. Soaring extremely fast through that space, the enormity and interconnectedness of everything was an all-consuming feeling. I was one with God Consciousness. I was still aware of myself as me, but the super-expanded version. The version that knew all and saw all.

I saw a structure hanging in the sky in the distance. This was where I was headed. It was circular in shape. I saw three over light beams also heading that way. I felt utter elation. I knew who they were and I was excited to meet them again.

I arrived at what was a vast Library. Greeting the others was like greeting friends and family, although none were from my previous life. These were more ancient than that. Cycling throughout time together. Some had not been incarnate for thousands of years. I was home with them. And we were so happy to see one another.

We talked and reminisced. We shared stories of my life. We discussed contracts and purpose. How did I feel about my life? And then I was handed a book. I flicked through and it looked empty. Every page was blank. And then I opened to a page with words. And when I saw those two words, I knew I was coming back to my life. I was going back. I was supported in this decision, asked again and again if that was what I wanted. I just knew if I didn't, I would be coming back again to do this. This life thing. Another birth. Another life. Another journey. And I knew that I may not get it again. “Self Worth” had been my nemesis many whole lifetimes. Thousands of them. A vast stream flashing by me. And I knew it. This was the one thing left to master.

Once I had made the decision, I moved out of the library space. I spent a moment with my 'family.' Knowing that I would see them again, I made my way out to the vastness. And I began to feel myself moving down 'levels.' The light was gradually less bright and I started to take on my physical form once again. My physical form began to manifest out of the atoms all around me. Vast groups of them joining together and layering over my body. I could feel them take their place all around my energetic body. They covered me and energised me. It was like putting on a beautiful cloak. And having it settle a warmth all over me. It was an incredible feeling that I can still feel today.

I touched down onto a road. It was wide and long. Long grass and flowers waving gently in the breeze on either side. I started to walk and as I walked, a house started to come into view. As I got closer, I could hear voices. Laughter, talking. Then I could see groups of people in a cottage garden. I walked in through the front gate and headed for the front door. I didn't feel like I knew any of these faces.

I stepped inside the house to subdued light. Like a soft orange and golden glow. I noticed that the room was full of small children, toddlers and infants. Outside it was all adults. These children were holding one another; there was support from elderly helpers, like grandparents. Some children were walking or being carried up some stairs over to one side. I joined them on the stairs and found I had my hands being held by some small children.

I could see at the top of the stairs an old couple hugging and whispering to the children and babies. When I got to the top, they hugged me and whispered words of love into my ears. The children were then taken to various doors to go through. I stood watching for a while. Uncertain that I wanted to be here. 

The Grandmother motioned to me. “Are you ready?” She asked. I shook my head. She asked me two more times before she said, “Come and help us.” So I took my place at the top of the stairs and whispered words of love into each child's ear...

After a while, she looked at me. A questioning look. I nodded and got up. I walked through a door. And inside was a mirror on the wall. The room was soft and glowing and dim. I walked up to the mirror and looked into my eyes. “Are you ready?” I asked. I wasn't sure I was, but I did it anyway.

Vroom. Sucked back into my body again. Waking up after surgery. My very first statement was, “I am here.” I had been intubated so my croaky voice did not carry very far. The midwife in my room said, “Oh you're awake!” and gave me some ice to suck.

I was back. In my body. In my life. Ready with my purpose.

I lost 4 litres of blood. I was transfused with 6 pints of blood and 15 pints of plasma. I had my uterine arteries cauterised and never was able to bring my milk supply back for my little one. I spent many weeks recovering in hospital and then had home care after. 

It has taken me six years and counting to rewrite my life. In many ways, I have been reborn. I lost many memories. Had a very dark night of the soul where I developed anxiety, depression and PTSD. Longed for that connection again and had many long nights contemplating how I could get back. After the initial euphoria, I lost all reality and ceased to function on a normal level.

But slowly, slowly, I began to access that peace and grace in waking life. I began to see the slowness and the vastness and the choice. I began to love myself. I was grounded, slow and thoughtful. My speech, my breath, the way I move, everything slowed down. Everything in my life changed.

Now I am helping others access that innate peace inside them. Through reality, acceptance, surrender and self-love. Connecting them to their past. Their lineage. And that knowing that we are not alone in this vastness. Always connected. Part of the whole. Part of the one consciousness. It all matters, yet nothing matters. 

I had a second OBE on my way home from the hospital. I lived 500 kms from the city hospital and my Mum offered to drive me and my baby home as I was not allowed to drive. We got about 60 kms from my hometown and I had an overwhelming urge to swap with my Mum and drive. She resisted this, but I insisted. Further up the road, a car pulled out in front of us. We were travelling at 110 kph when this happened. I had no time to brake, but only respond. In that split-second, I swerved around the car on the outside, onto the roadside. There just happened to be a small slipway there. I left my body and looked down at the car and my baby in the back. I saw his car seat swerve violently. I heard clearly, “Are you sure?” I have no doubt that my Mother could not have reacted quickly enough and had I not insisted I drive, it may have been a different outcome for us all. I am so incredibly grateful for my life. Although to this day my Mum can't speak about that drive.

Woman helps another cross over during NDE

When I was 36, having taken some new medication in addition to the anti-depressant medication I already took on a daily basis, I went to bed and went to sleep.

Whilst asleep, I understood that I existed as an entity, separate from my body and also separate from my surroundings, which were a kind of ‘nothingness.’ I felt that I was an entity made of energy, which I perceived as beams of light, and I had a profound sense of contentment.

I understood from someone else who was there, but like me existed without a physical body, that my role as a being of energy only (i.e., a role which I had when there) was to go to other planes of existence and help people cross (in 'spirit,' though that term wasn't used) to another plane. I felt that I would be helping them by doing this.

I was sent to another plane and passed through several different planes/realities to the person who I was to help. She was a Caucasian girl, likely of around high school age. I saw her from an angle above her, but not directly above her. She was sitting and talking to friends at a table. I was able to embrace her spirit and move it with me through the planes to the one I had been in previously. This appeared to take more effort than moving through the planes by myself had taken.

Throughout the entire experience, I continued to feel the sense of positivity/contentedness.

Upon my return to the initial plane, I was spoken to by someone else who was there. (I mentally termed them 'god' as that was the term I knew which was most closely related to what they were, but I was aware that they weren’t 'god' as defined by religion). I am not sure whether I heard them speak the words, but I understood from them that I could stay there and continue to experience what I had been experiencing (i.e., feeling the sense of contentedness and helping people pass between the planes) or I could return to my body. I understood that if I chose not to return, the part of me which existed on earth would die.

Upon considering the possible impact of my death I chose to return, due to the likely impact my death would have on my parents.

At that point I woke up, though I continued to feel the 'contented' feeling for some time, before making a conscious effort to awaken completely. I felt that I had been taking very shallow breaths and needed to breathe more deeply to wake up properly.

I felt like I had experienced an NDE and immediately started researching what had happened to me on the internet. I discovered that the new medication which I had been prescribed could react with the medication I was already on and could lower the heart rate. A medication interaction website indicated that taking the two medications together presented a risk of death and that it was inadvisable to take both medications at the same time. I did not do so going forward.

I also established that the anti-depression medication I had been on for some time can cause lucid dreams. I had experienced some vivid nightmares upon commencing use of the anti-depressant medication and this was a known side effect.

Although I hadn't previously experienced any vivid positive dreams, or any dreams which felt as though they were reality, I concluded that it was likely that I had experienced a kind of dream. At that point I was disappointed, as there was a clear explanation for my experience, and I considered it unlikely that any part of the experience was real. However, having mentioned my experience, in passing, to a doctor, the doctor suggested that the choice I was faced with, to die or wake up, may well have been genuine. (Accepting that other aspects of the NDA were likely a vivid dream, which I felt was likely to be as a consequence of the interactions of the medications I had taken.)

Although I feel that my experience in general was not ‘real’, i.e., I did not exist as a being of energy (which I have mentally termed a 'light being'), I think it likely that I was close to death that night and that if I had chosen that option, I would have died peacefully in my sleep that night as a consequence of the interaction of the medication I had taken.

I found that I was able to return to a feeling that was similar to, though not as strong as, the feeling of positivity I felt on that occasion, when I undertook some guided meditation.

It may not be of relevance, but I suffer from hypnagogia, so have some issues with sleep which could perhaps be connected to this incident.

Multiple NDEr shares about wars in heaven and on earth

I’ve had multiple NDEs in my life because of ongoing health issues. Many of my NDEs were narrated by an individual with a comforting voice. I seemed to know his voice, although I couldn't see him in the beginning. As time went on, I recognized him as my Father in Heaven.

I experienced my first NDE that occurred when my first son was born after I began to float off the surgical bed during an emergency c-section. My doctor later told me that I had gone into toxic shock from contracting the streptococcus B bacteria. My first NDE was rather quick and uneventful after I returned back into my body.

My second NDE was extremely life altering. I was in an airplane headed to San Antonio when an illness I had grew worse during the flight. I had a flu for 3-4 days leading up to the flight, was extremely dehydrated, hadn’t kept any water down for 24 hours and had just run between multiple terminals to make this flight. I felt a lot of pressure to make the flight despite being so ill because my abusive husband (that I was married to at the time) demanded that I meet up with him in San Antonio for a vacation he’d been planning on all year. He flew ahead of me with the kids so that I could finish visiting with family I hadn’t seen in a while, before I was to join him in TX. Shortly after I got onto the plane and sat in my chair, I knew I was in some kind of trouble. My body began to seize up and I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath. Then after the plane took off, I began to feel extremely intense pain shooting through my legs. It felt like hundreds of Charlie horses (insane cramps) were attacking my legs. I felt really dizzy and at one point I passed out.

But I soon realized that l left my body because I found myself looking down to see myself in the seat, while others around me thought I was just sleeping. But somehow I also began to see in many different directions all at once. I saw the aisles behind me and around the corner in the flight stewards’ prep area, all at the same time. I could see them making coffee, while I could simultaneously see the back of the airplane, while also being able to see many different angles of people on the plane, all in one glance.

Suddenly I was outside of the plane looking in, while also being able to see different angles from outside the plane all in one glance too. It was very still and silent outside. I couldn’t hear the jet engines. I felt no effects from the illness that just moments before paralyzed me with insane levels of pain. I matter of factly acknowledged that I was standing outside of the plane, without feeling any fear about the thought.

The next thing I knew I was back inside the plane, looking down on my body again. But then as quickly as I was there, I was back outside of the plane, although the atmosphere had changed. I found myself in the air, but this time I was standing over a large body of water. The water was a deeply blue, like a dark cobalt blue.

There was a wooden table in front of me with a book on it. I seemed to know what this book was; it was the Book of Life and I felt like my name was in it. Out of my peripheral vision I saw a white male figure off to the right of me standing on the other side of the table. Somehow I sensed that I should NOT look directly at him, because if I did I wouldn’t ever want to go back into my body. So I didn’t look directly at him. But I seemed to recognize him as the Savior of the World.

Off to the left of me I saw that there was a rocky desert island that bordered the water that I stood over. There was a man on the shore that was pacing back and forth, as if he was lost. I seemed to know him and felt like I had agreed to help him in this life somehow, although I was certain we hadn’t met…yet. I knew at that moment I needed to go back. I thought of my kids too and knew I needed to go back to be there for them.

But before it was all over, I was shown several symbols and objects. I didn’t know at the time what they all meant, but over the years I recognize them as ancient symbols of some kind, some of which have to do with music. Eventually I ended up back in my body again.

For weeks after this NDE, the veil was still very thin with me. I learned and saw things for the next two weeks that were amazing and beautiful. But then after two weeks the veil was closed back up again (after I prayed and asked God to take away all the things I was seeing). I told him that although it was all so very beautiful, I just didn’t feel that I was spiritually ready to see so much all at once. I felt that I was starting to lose touch with my reality. I know it may sound crazy, but I began to miss the normalcy I once had! I missed my normal mundane reality. I began to miss “not knowing things” before they happened. Knowing things ahead of time was absolutely thrilling for me in the beginning, but after 2 weeks of it (which felt more like 3 months), of knowing things before they would happen, having visions, dreams, intense premonitions and fast paced unexplainable experiences, I was starting to go crazy! I knew that I needed a rest from it all. It felt like my mind was starting to go into sensory overload! It was all so beautiful, but it was also too much for me to spiritually digest all at once.

During the 2 weeks where the veil was thin I was taught many things. I was given a basic history lesson about the true divinity and infinite worth of both God’s daughters and his sons. I was taught the personal responsibilities husbands and wives have to love and serve one another as true equals. I was shown the same responsibilities parents have to properly love, teach and nurture the children God entrusts them with, or they risk losing the ability to be parents in the next life. I believe God personalized all this for me because I was abused as a child by my step father, as well as by my first husband that I was married to at the time and I was deeply confused about the proper roles that men and women should have towards each other, as well as what Love truly looks and FEELS like.

Over the years, I rarely have shared the experiences I had with this particular NDE because my NDE is so different than everybody else’s I’ve ever read about. I never saw a glowing tunnel of light, never got the pleasure of running into my dead relatives (and oh how I would have loved to see my Grandma Helen again), and I never got the life review, although I did see my Savior once.

I experienced more NDEs over the years because of my constant health problems. During one NDE I was shown a vision of Delta Airlines flying in the air. At first it looked like an airplane, then it turned into a seagull and then it crashed (my husband worked at Delta Airlines at the time). I saw how the airline would go bankrupt. I was then shown that I would move back out West to the state of Utah (I lived in Georgia at the time and never planned on moving back out again). I also saw a tumble weed blow by, then I was shown an area around North Salt Lake and then another area around an exit off of I 80 in Tooele County, Utah. I also saw a baby girl. I was told that her name was Bell and was asked if I wanted her. I said that I did! I recorded all of these things on an online Yahoo group that I will go into more about a bit later.    

I found out my husband of 10 years had been cheating on me not too long after my NDE on the airplane. I ended up leaving him and I moved back out West with my 3 kids to be with my mother in Utah. Shortly after I arrived, I received a good-paying job offer to work in North Salt Lake. Shortly thereafter my now ex-husband told me he couldn’t pay child support because Delta Airlines furloughed him. The company was having financial problems…Delta never fully recovered after 911 and eventually had to file bankruptcy. A few years after moving to Utah, I met and married a man from Tooele County. Tooele is a desert community next to the Great Salt Lake, a lake that contains several desert outcropped islands and looks so much like the one in my NDE. We welcomed a baby girl into our new family less than a year later. My doctors had told me I would never be able to conceive again because the medical condition I had adversely affected my reproductive organs. But despite the odds, my last little caboose came into our family rather unexpectedly in miraculous ways.

After I moved back out West, I struggled with a debilitating blood disease that affected the iron in my bone marrow. I had serious side effects from the blood disease, one of which caused my heart to fail a few times. I also battled liver disease, which I believe was caused by all the toxic, heavy medications my doctors put me on over the years. I was in the hospital off and on over the years and I experienced several more NDEs during this time. Each time I had another NDE, the veil began to get thinner and thinner again. Somehow it wasn’t as overwhelming this time around, with respect to the veil getting thinner.

During these NDEs I was either brought to a remembrance of former things or taught about the pre-existence (pre-earth life) in explicit detail. I was taught who I was before I came to Earth, my role in the pre-existence; the specific events that led up to a great war that I was told took place in Heaven. Being a Christian, I recognized the story about the War in Heaven from the Bible. But the war I was shown in my NDEs was much different than the one I previously learned about.

I was also shown how the War in Heaven was infinitely linked to our temporal experiences here on Earth. I saw how the War in Heaven affected future events on Earth, since all things are linked in eternal ways. I saw how loving family units were the foundation of Heaven. I saw how our Heavenly Father and Mother perfectly exemplified loving foundations in the home by teaching their children how to be eternally good brothers/sisters, husbands/wives and fathers/mothers. I saw that just as our Heavenly Parents are Eternal, families are eternal as well. After my last NDE the veil became so thin that I now dream a lot of dreams that I believe are meant to further teach and guide me about the things God sees fit for me to keep learning.

Like I said, a lot of what I learned in my NDEs was centered around the War in Heaven. I learned how the War in Heaven is linked to what scientists on Earth call the Big Bang Theory. I learned that all of the world wars and major historical events on Earth are not due to happenstance (not by chance occurrence). These historical events are meant to reflect many of the same wars and events that shook the heavens before this world was organized and created for our earthly experiences. This is why we see in the Bible that what happened in ancient Babylon is prophesied to happen in modern day Babylon again, and what happened to the ancient Jews will eventually happen again to the modern Jews in Israel in the end times etc.

I was told that these historic events and wars occur as wave-like events, 3 great waves in total, with many smaller waves in between. The original catastrophic event (Big Bang) unleashed lasting ripple effects that can be managed over by the Gods, but not changed, in that they still must occur on some level. They must surely happen, just as a rock thrown into a lake will make ripples and those ripples will surely spread out and affect the shoreline at some point.

The Big Bang sent ripples across the vast expanse of space, upon the world of worlds (as I call it), upon many galaxies and star systems that our greatest telescopes have never seen. The laws of cause and effect have already set these events into an unchangeable set of motions. Although God could not change the original event that set all these things in motion, God could replicate/recreate and manage over the environment of the future battlefields that those same waves would later effect as the waves moved through the vast expanse of time and space.

I was told that God purposely altered space by folding parts of it into varying dimensions or by creating curves/wrinkles in some spots in order to control the waves more fully (especially with respect to how fast and where they move) in an effort to lessen the effects.

I was shown that it was Satan who caused the BIG Bang to occur. I saw how Satan was a highly progressed angel that God himself trusted and endowed with great powers at one time. I saw how Satan began to use God’s own powers against him in order to do secret works of darkness. God had many enemies, but his enemies could not match up or compete against God’s eternal power. This is precisely why Satan was the only entity who actually succeeded in attacking the Kingdom of God, because he used GOD’S own power (power that God gave to him) against GOD to hide his evil deeds. Satan even enlisted other entities from other worlds to help to do his secret works.

Satan did not rebel against God all of the sudden out of nowhere, like some believe. He did so a little at a time over a space of years. But Satan eventually began to thirst for more and more power along the broken way. Eventually some of his sins even led to unspeakable sexual sins against God’s children. He was able to hide his sins (while still residing in Heaven) by using some of the powers God had entrusted him with to hide his offenses. Before being discovered/his great fall, Satan was known as the Angel of Music, a highly progressed son of God who burnt holy incense and played fine instruments before all of Heaven. But his sins eventually became too great to fully hide.

When Satan’s sins were finally discovered, they were so egregious in the sight of God that God did what any loving Father would do in that horrific moment. He declared war on his fallen son after discovering the unspeakable sins that Satan committed against his other children. It was Satan, and those that he talked into following him, that fought back in that moment against God in the Great War that broke out in Heaven; a war that Michael and his Angles fought back against in our premortal history.      

I was shown that there were 3 great wars that took place in Heaven during 3 separate wave events, with smaller wars in between. On a few occasions these wars spilt over into our Earth realm, which can partly explain the increase in people witnessing mysterious explosions, strange lights, crafts or falling objects from the sky, objects that don’t appear to be commercial or military crafts in our skies.

In our Earth’s historic past, we experienced World War I and II, while World War III is thought to be soon upon us. Like I said, our Father created these historical events in order to recreate the original wave…to align the two waves together for reasons I don’t claim to fully understand, but have been told is necessary to lessen the final wave’s effects. God does this to not only lessen the effects of the next incoming wave as the two waves merge into one, but to also test mankind, as well as protect and preserve his eternal children.

But it is most importantly done to reconstruct the past, since Satan hid many of the events that led up to the Big Bang from Gods view. You see, by the time God discovered what Satan was doing, the Big Bang Event was already unleashed. So, by reconstructing the past, God can likewise reconstruct the hidden events that led up to the Big Bang…much in the same way a detective tries to recreate a crime scene in order to understand the full story. But God would not recreate such things in Heaven, lest the sacred nature of Heaven be forever altered. So, a terrestrial Earth-like environment was needed to not only test the souls of mankind, but one that could help us to precisely unravel our premortal past. This would allow God to restore all things anew to their former states of order and appropriate degrees of glory. This great restoration of all things is meant to heal/unite the children of God and provide for a new Heaven that is no longer corrupted by Satan’s reach. In this respect it became necessary for our Father to manage over the environments on both sides of the veil (on Heaven and Earth) as the last and most destructive wave was set to come on through…in our day and time.

The plan that God created for his children to come down to Earth to live mortal lives was not created casually. There was great care and planning that went into it all. The final plan was universally accepted by most of his children in the premortal counsels of Heaven, except for the spirits that rebelled and sympathized with Satan. Gods plan for our Salvation included coming to Earth, receiving a mortal body, being tested to see who we chose to follow as our father, God or Satan...as well as allowing all such events to coincide with the last incoming wave that was expected.

I know this may sound strange, but I’ve also come to look upon my Heavenly Father after all my NDE experiences as my actual Father, the way a person would look at their Earthly Father, because I was brought to a remembrance of him during my NDE’s. I literally have memories of my Heavenly Father and my Heavenly Mother raising me in Heaven. I have premortal childhood memories that the deepest parts of my soul remember experiencing, similar to the way I remember my Earthly childhood memories. I have memories of playing and splashing in a small stream next to a meadow with my siblings near my home, of my Heavenly Mother teaching me how to play music and learning a lot about science, music and math from both of my parents. I was told that I agreed to give up the higher knowledge my parents taught me in the pre-existence in order to come to earth to gain earthy, temporal experiences that would help me to spiritually progress and grow infinitely in eternal ways.

I've seen more things, but don't know how to explain all the things I have seen and so I won’t. I feel that I need to more fully understand some of these things myself before I attempt to share them. I do know this…that great changes are about to happen to our Earth, both good and bad. These are the things that God has been showing to me. The intensity of the signs we’ve seen in the heavens like blood moons and increased solar events are in part God making his presence known to the world, as he is getting closer to aligning his world/his time back up with ours.

Most religions call this the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. I too believe this as well. Because of the great unrest and wars that broke out in our premortal heaven, a Savior was needed to pay the price for these great sins, one who fully understands all the pain and injustice that has ever been felt or experienced by anyone. Our savior will come again to the Earth as one who fully understands the pains and the wounds of the world, having experienced those pains first-hand himself in the Garden of Gethsemane. 

I’m not really sure why I’m sharing all this now. I’ve shared my story before many years ago, but left many things out the first time around. I shared many of my NDE experiences on a yahoo dream group forum many years ago. At the time I felt that many of my NDE’s, visions and dreams would never be believed, so I disguised them all as dreams and shared them on that dream forum group. It felt safer to share these personal things in a setting where nobody knew me. The forum comments are still published online to this day, although people rarely post to the site anymore. I shared dreams (many of which, not all, but many of which were actually NDEs or visions disguised as dreams) on that yahoo site that would later come true. I shared the one about how I would eventually move back to Utah, how I saw Delta Airlines go bankrupt, about seeing the area of North Salt Lake that I would later work at, how I was shown Tooele County and how I saw a baby girl that I would one day have. I think it was healing for me to tell my story somewhere and just put it out there, since I never had the courage to share my story with too many others.

 

 

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