My father had died a few months before. We had a many issues between us, and it was very difficult to let him go. I refused to leave his side while he was dying, as if to make up for all the things that happened while he was alive.After his death I experienced grief. Wow, I never knew it would feel like that! I forgot how to do my job or relate to other people. I had a hard time acting and feeling normal, but I managed to get by.
One evening, I was talking with a friend on the phone who knew that I was interested in exploring different spiritual practices and religions. He said, "Hey, you should check out a Society of Friends meeting. They don't have any sermons and just meditate for an hour or so together." I was intrigued and after we hung up I looked them up on the Internet. I found out that they were what I knew as "the Quakers" and after only a few minutes of searching, came across a posting that explained a style of meditation they do called "Looking for the light within." I printed it out, took it to my bed and read what it said. It was very simple: Get into a comfortable position, close your eyes, focus your attention on the darkness and look for a light within. When you see a light, focus on it. So that's exactly what I did.
I was in the hospital with pre-term labor. The physician on duty administered turbutaline (brethine) intravenously. Within seconds, I didn't feel right, grew very hot and had barely said "Something doesn't feel right" when I blinked out of my normal version of consciousness and blinked into the void. The medication stopped my heart (I later learned). I was in a vast dark place that was quite peaceful. I wasn't sure where I was but knew that I was fully conscious and no longer in my body. I tried to wiggle my toes and fingers but discovered I had none. I knew I existed in only pure consciousness.