Dying to be Near God


The aftereffects of something like four heart attacks on distant shores were enough persuasion for me to consider my existence. When I was young, dying was not a reality. It was something that other people did that I was not even considering.

In 2006, during a painful 48 hours in Nanning, China, I became aware of a higher realm of consciousness than I normally live in. I find it almost sad that these times seem are so far and few between. I remain hopeful that they will again visit me while I remain in this form.

It has been said that if one were to lose their fear of dying, all other fears would dissipate into a great cosmic pool of discarded experiences. This “no-fear” was a window that I was afforded that summer—and I will never be the same again. In any case, it seems that my prospect of dying brought me nearer to where I started…one with God.

The heart attack pain, which was the same as the acid reflux I’d had been diagnosed with for three years, was wracking my body and mind. The pain and discomfort was enough to make me want to die for relief. It lasted from Friday until Monday, and as I witnessed the reactions of body and mind under the onslaught of dominating physical forces I simply forgot to consider a fear of dying. This forgetfulness went on for seven days from attack to surgery and hospital recovery. I was so busy observing and living in the experience the usual ramifications of losing this earthly body were not within my mental grasp.

A great discovery was realized when my body went into surgery at the hands of Chinese doctors. I found myself hovering 10 feet over the scene. My body was there, the doctors and nurses were there and I had become a mere viewpoint observing from the outside. It was at that point I knew for the first time in my earthly life that I would never die and that I was a part of the Great I Am.

Since that time, I am different. A window briefly opened and I saw an existence that I would die to live in. So I go on now with a renewed interest in observing this world; perhaps I will be blessed again to see more clearly through such a smoky glass…and the true journey we are all on.

My summation is simple. Eternity lies within the hearts of all of us. God is not up there, out there, or sitting on a throne in the clouds meting out judgment and punishment on what he has created. I once thought this silly way. I know now that God is in the heaven that exists within every one of his creations; as is stated in the Christian Bible “Heaven is within you.” God is the drive and the force in all life that seeks to lovingly survive…no matter the hardships. He is the instinct for a mother sparrow to build a nest, lay her eggs, and feed her young. He is what makes us stop and correct our wrongs because he created us with checks and balances within the heart. God manifests himself when I show kindness to you…God in me touches God in you at that very moment.

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