White All Around Me


I experienced total 100% blockage of a main artery, resulting in cardiac arrest while in the ER and while actually talking to the doctor and describing the symptoms to him. While unconscious and dead, I had the sensation of being in a car hurling down the road, out of control, unable to stop and unable to move.  It felt like my arms were pinned at my sides and I could not move or otherwise stop or slow down the car.  All around me was white. There were no trees, houses or people, just nothingness.  I wasn't passing anything and there wasn't anything to pass. It was just white all around me. It was like I was hurling forward out of control on a vast road that had no boundaries on either side. There was no other traffic; there was nothing else but me and the only sensation was the hurling forward.  And then suddenly I was awake and I was looking up at my wife and I said that I thought I had passed out. (I thought I had had some sort of weird dream.)  She told me that I had died in the ER, my heart had stopped, and that the doctor had brought me back.

I was not a religious person, but this experience opened my eyes to a world of possibilities.  Later, when I returned to the emergency room to thank those who had saved my life, I felt like a ghost returning to the scene of his death.  They did a write-up of the event in the local hospital newsletter and I felt sort of like one who was reading his own obituary.  Now I know there is much about this world that I do not understand; there are answers far beyond my ability to even fathom the questions.     

Latest Entries

The Light Felt Wonderful

I had cataracts removed from both eyes and in the months following the operations the glare from sunshine, from television, even from my computer screen was unbearable.  Eventually I decided to use the pain I was suffering as a symbolic statement indicating that I was unable to deal with The Light, so dropping down into a deep meditative state I began a visualization – a sort of waking dream –

Boundary Between Darkness and Light

The anesthesiologist showed me that the line was in a blood vessel and she would have to retry it.  At that moment, I saw my blood pressure drop to 40/20 and I knew what that meant. I felt myself starting to fall over. At the same time I saw a boundary between darkness and light appear.  I started to rise above the dark boundary and go into the light.  The most interesting thing was that I felt no pain.

My Grandmother's Prayers Saved Me

I had a seizure that caused me to code (no pulse or heartbeat).  The nurses called rapid response code and I was once again taken back to the ICU.  When I got to the room with, machines connected to me, is when I started to drift from the world.