Genuine Love & Compassion


I was being raped repeatedly by a total stranger who had abducted me off the street at knifepoint. I was told that I would be kept around because he liked me. I had succumbed to him for fear of death, but I faced the possibility of never escaping. I fought to get away, not caring if I died in the attempt. He threw and pinned me under him and said, "Now I am going to kill you." He punched and and strangled me. I tried desperately to breathe but could not. I realized I was going to die and was upset about it at first. Then I thought, "I'm a bit young to die, but it's okay. I don't want to be here anyway.

All my life I kept looking for love, but I found none. I was raised atheist and had therefore assumed death was the end of everything, so I was surprised when I didn't just snuff out like a candle. Rather, I left earth. I was in a spiritual body much like my own only without blemish. I could see the back of the head of the man who was strangling me, and I could see my earth body underneath him. As I floated away into space I saw scenes from my life flashing before me like a movie. I left earth and drifted into the universe. I could see stars all around me. I could see the earth as a little star. By this time the movie of my life had finished, and once again I thought to myself, "This is it, this is the end." I was about to turn away from the view of earth  when I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I looked at him and knew it was Jesus. He said, "You know, if you leave now, you'll never come back. Are you sure you want to do that?" Instantly, I thought of all kinds of things I liked to do, mostly trivial things like playing darts, dancing, drawing, and also less trivial things. I wanted to perfect myself, and to learn to be brave enough to speak my truth, even if others didn't want to hear it, or it put me in jeopardy. I told Jesus, "Wait, there are things I have to do here!" I was instantly back in my body and whereas before I couldn't breathe, I took a deep breath.

The man who was strangling me let go. He raped me again then released me. Later the next day, I reported the incident to the police who had a doctor check me. My eyes were both blackened, and my entire head from the neck up was bloated and purple. The whites of my eyes were bright red. The doctor told me this was normal for strangulation victims and that I was lucky to be alive. This experience had a profound effect on my thinking. Before, I was an atheist who didn't think about religion very much except to make fun of it. After, I was interested in religion and researched all to get to the bottom of truth and falsehood. I eventually settled with becoming a Christian, because of who I saw when I died. But, I don't subscribe to all of the philosophy of Christianity. For example, many Christians believe that we are all born evil due to the original sin, and that we have to learn to be good. I believe there is much sin in the world; we inherit sin at birth; and we are also born as God's children. When I saw Jesus, he didn't judge me as good or evil, even though I'd done some terrible things in my life. He didn't judge me at all. And, I'll never forget what he looked like because he looked at me with genuine love and compassion. Before this incident I thought this was a "dog eat dog" world, and the dog with the biggest bite won. Afterward, I wanted to be more like Jesus, and so I began to value kindness. However, I failed at this, and about two years later I had another near-death experience, also by murder, but that is another story.

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