Archive through December 19, 2002

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View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Thursday, December 19, 2002 - 04:17 pm:

I Accidentally overdosed on pain meds I was given because I had broken my left ankle, leg bone had to have surgery (plate and screws were put in). I also had nerve damage (Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy 3rd stage) I was in excruciating pain (accident happened June 4th, 2001).

On July 12th 2002 at 1am my husband found me in bed, blue, making a gurgling sound, not breathing just exhaling. He called 911 and started full CPR. I had to be shocked twice in my bedroom, bagged. I flatlined in the ambulance in my driveway, Paramedics had to start chest massages again off and on for about 35 minutes.

At the hospital I was put on a respirator and transferred to a trauma I.C.U. The E.R. Doc. told my husband she didn’t know if I would live or not or if I did, what the extent of brain damage I would have. That it would be at least 48hrs. before they would know. The CAT scan results were good. I woke up 15 hrs later (to the amazement of the ICU Doctor) confused but, in good health. I was taken off the respirator a few hours later. The ICU Doctor told me and my family that I definitely had some help from God. That he had never seen anyone in the shape I was in come out of it as early as I did and totally unscathed. I was given a paralyzing drug to stop my thrashing before I was transferred by ambulance to the Trauma Center of a different hospital.

Okay, this is hard for me (I am crying), this is what I dreamed? While I was unconscious. In the beginning I was walking somewhere and it was dark, it looks like a different Town or City. Someone is with me but I cannot see who. I now feel I cannot breath nor move, I am terrified, then I calm down and I am thinking where am I. At first I tell myself I must be dreaming. I think I am in a movie theater. It is so dark I can see nothing. Sounds crazy I know, but then I realize or I am thinking I have died. I am now in a house or building or something, there are other people but they do not notice me or speak to me. I am thinking that this is some sort of waiting room or purgatory. The noise I hear I cannot describe it is so loud, deafening! I am suddenly outside the place looking at some water, a lake I think, there are what looks like little demons of some sort, but they don’t scare me I ignore them. Then I am then in a different room with others and again I feel like I am waiting to go to heaven and the noise is still so loud. I am confused. I don’t feel I belong here and I am wanting God. I suddenly began to move (sort of like floating) towards a tunnel, the others I sense are mad because I am going ahead of them. I am sucked up into a tunnel that feels like and I get the sudden knowledge that I am in a birth canal heading toward a light, it is very quick and when I get to the light I see a woman in an ambulance. I am thinking that I am to be reincarnated as her child. I have never believed in reincarnation. She is African American and I am white. (I know that I am white and I am thinking how can this be how can I become her child now). The race difference doesn't matter to me. I am thinking she is a nice person I would like to be her child. But then I have a baby in my arms I know that it is her child and at first I am thinking that I am bringing her, her baby. I know that I am taking her baby to Heaven. I go through the light with her child and I come back through the light and now I am walking down the tunnel again I have a little girl of about five years of age holding my right hand and walking with me. I pass two women and it is the first time someone notices me, they smile. I pass a man who looks at me and says angrily why does she get to go! I ignore him I don’t know who he is referring to, the little girl or me and I don’t care. I go through the birth canal feeling again (it is painful both times) towards a bright light. I go through with the little girl when I come back through she isn't with me. I am scared because I don't know where she is, then I realize she is with Jesus. I feel good that she is with Jesus, but I feel sorrow for her mother. Then I walked back passed the three people and I myself. I am walking towards a light there is a woman with long dark hair in the light I am thinking that she is my grandmother only she isn't old anymore. She looks at me and tells me "It’s not your time, it just isn't your time". She is smiling. Then I am seeing a woman (she is beautiful with long brown hair) at the end of my hospital bed, and I can see myself lying in the bed, I am confused, I look at her and I am speaking to her and I don't know how because I can see myself in the hospital bed with tubes down my throat, hooked to machines. I am trying to convey to her the dream I had but she already knows and asks me while smiling "did you see the light". I answer “yes”. I look at myself in the hospital bed, then look back towards her and she is gone. Then I wake up.

I can't move yet because of the paralyzing drug. I hear my husbands voice but I can't raise my eyelids to see him. When I can move he realizes I am awake and tells me I am in the ICU at the hospital and that I overdosed on the medication, I don’t know how but I already knew what had happened to me. My leg that had been extremely swollen and red and purple and glassy for the passed 13 months including the day of July 12th from the nerve damage was now perfectly normal! No pain, just normal! My Doctor had no explanation other than by the grace of God.

I can't stop thinking about it. When I told my husband about the "dream" he asked me if I could think of him or our kids. I didn't. I could only think that I didn't belong there. Was it a near death experience or was I dreaming? I am very confused. I wish someone could help me understand one way or another. I have also suffered from Cluster headaches for the passed 22yrs once a year for 6 to 12wks. I was expecting them in November this year. I didn't get them. I don't know if I will get them but I am thinking that they are gone forever now. Any info. would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening. P.S., Please, I don't want anyone to think that I was or am a drug addict, I am not. It was a terrible accident and I am thankful to God for my second chance.


View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Sunday, December 8, 2002 - 01:08 pm:

I saw myself on a couch.

I had lost alot of blood because of internal hemorrhaging.

I saw a bright light, and I had never had such a feeling of complete peace. I did not know who I could tell this event to. It was such an incredible experience.

I sometimes feel that I should tell people so that they would know how wonderful it was.


View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Sunday, December 8, 2002 - 01:02 pm:

Dec. 27, 1977 I was a self employed Stained Glass contractor. I'd had a call to bid on some new stained glass windows for a Church. I left home approx. 7 AM. I was headed around a curve and saw a log truck in the opposite lane. All of a sudden a car passed the log truck coming into my lane. I hit the brakes.

Next thing I'm floating and watching two ambulance attendants pulling me out of my pickup. I remember hearing "Well, we don't have to worry about this one." It started getting darker and I started moving faster and faster and still darker, like being in a tunnel. In the distance I saw a light, brighter and brighter. I was completely at peace and wanted to go to the light. Then I'm standing in front of a man. The most perfect man ever seen. The light surrounding everything. He was the light. Then he said, "You can't stay, there is something you must do".

Next, I woke up in the emergency room in the Hospital. I didn't know who I was. Now I laugh about it, but I pulled out my wallet, looked at my driver’s lic. and said “Hey I know what my name is. I've been in a head on collision.” After a conversation with the nurse and realizing what had happened, I had the nurse call my wife so I had a ride home. My face was cut pretty good and they took me by ambulance to see a specialist. Again I called my wife and told her where I was. I was angry because she wasn't there to give me a ride home. The doctor sewed up my face and wanted to put me in a room for the night. I told him my wife was on the way and I was going home.

We stopped on the way home to pick up my briefcase and my hearing aid from my pickup. I was shocked at the amount of blood in the pickup. Back home at 7 p.m. and back to work the next day. Afternoon of the 28th I went to the Medical Center for a complete checkup. Spent several days being sore and had the sutures out.

I have told my story many times and still wonder what it is that I must do.


View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Sunday, December 8, 2002 - 12:45 pm:

I suffer from sleep apnea. Momentarily, I'll stop breathing for a few seconds then gasp for breath (my wife of 18 years has related this to me many times). This time I must have forgotten to breathe.

I also have very vivid dreams in color about flying (like a bird) and, ordinary life experiences, not of this life but, another in the past or the future. I can't be sure.

I dreamed I was driving a car, and crashed. I could feel myself slipping away. My sight faded to black. Then I saw my body lying on my bed as if I where floating above the bed. I became aware I was surrounded by the blue sky and a feeling of complete relaxation, without any fears. There was a rope I was following that looked to be made out of long strands of hair, twisted together. I think I was moving up as I could see the rope stretching into the distance above me to a brighter light and, below me to darkness. After awhile, I could see what seemed to be the edge of a city in the distance and I could here voices calling to me! I came up to a figure who was standing beside my rope path; he had long dark hair, curly at the ends, a full beard on his face. He was dressed in a purple robe, or coat with trousers or pants, flared out at the ends of the sleeves and pant legs. His clothes looked to be edged in ornate gold embroidery and he was surrounded by a large halo of soft light. He was holding a large and very old looking book and was smiling at me. He opened the book about half way though, moved his fingers down the page like he was looking for a name. Then he spoke to me, saying that I was there much too soon and that I should go back, but he would see me in awhile. He didn't say my name though, as if he knew exactly who I was, and we'd been friends a long time. So, I followed the rope back to the darkness; then I could see the earth below me (the same way it would look to someone in space I think, with the clouds, oceans and landmasses. I followed the rope right into my bedroom, and re-entered my body (weird feeling)! That’s when I woke up and jumped out of bed, shaking, and covered with a cold sweat.

Do I believe in an afterlife? Completely. I now think that we occupy our bodies here on this plane of existence and will be all going to a far better place when we leave this life. I don't believe in the idea that there's a 'HELL'-- I think this is something the churches dreamed up a long time ago in order to keep people in line and to always have a captive audience that would and does support them. That may seem like blasphemy to many religious people but I don't really care, not anymore.

I know where I was, and where I'll be going in awhile and I'm no longer afraid of death. Death is merely a step to a higher plane of existence for the spirit. And, when my time does come to pass I will welcome it, because that's when I'll be able to enter "That Great City in the Sky".

Thank-You for having a place to tell this.


View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Sunday, December 1, 2002 - 12:50 pm:

I had bronchitis, what my parents thought was a very bad cold. I remember being on the couch in the living room. Later on that evening my parents put me to bed, but I don't remember getting there.

During the night, my mother came to check on me. I remember her shaking me. I was barely breathing.

Then I remember being in the car for a moment and then I was in the hospital.

I was out of my body in the corner of the room looking down at the doctors and myself. They were all running around me franticly. I remember shouting and people moving fast. But there I was above it all and it was peaceful and interesting more than scary. I was wondering what was going on.

While floating there, there was a something behind me, not so much a person but maybe a void or a strange warmth. It’s the kind of warmth that you get from a heat lamp, if you’re right in it its warm but, if you’re just outside, it is cold again.

Then there was a feeling or a voice, like when you're visiting and your mom calls out, “OK, time to go home”. And then, that was it. When I woke up I was in an oxygen tent.

Years later my mom told me that I was just squeaking air into my body and that the doctors said that if they had gotten me there 5 mins. later there would have been nothing that they could have done.

I always felt different as a child and even now. Although as a child you don't know why. At this point in my life I have more of an understanding.

I've always had a deep connection to animals. As a child I had a recurring dream that I was told by God that this was my job. That I was to take care of any hurt animal that came my way and he would always take care of me.

I was diagnosed with severe allergies after my first asthma attack, and animals were on the top of the list. We had 2 cats and a bird at the time and we had to get rid of them. I couldn't even go to a house that had a dog or cat without taking medication before hand. But as I promised, if I found a hurt animal, it came home with me. If it had fur or feathers it couldn't come in the house but we always made a warm home for it in the garage. My poor mom even helped me set up a tank for a bunch of baby snakes I found. The mother had just been run over by a car. The babies were squished out, still in their birth sacks, I got them out and put them in my pocket to bring home.

My love for animals continued, I took every medication known and even did years of painful allergy shots. I would get welts 4 in. across from the shots. I got thru college with a major of Animal Science, it wasn't easy. When I got out I took a job with a vet and then with a pet shop. I was having 2 of 3 asthma attacks a night, my doctor advised get a new job or get a coffin. I was on my way to a doozie of an attack. I got a new (non Animal) job.

My allergies have gotten better thru the years, and so has medication. Cats can still kill me though. cut my air right off. But I do have dogs at the moment. But...anything that has come my way and needed help has gotten it. It’s a vow I feel compelled to keep.


View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Sunday, December 1, 2002 - 12:31 pm:

In August 1964 my daughter had just been born.

I hemorrhaged and lost three pints of blood, which the midwife had just been weighing and had left the room.

As I was lying there I started to leave my body. I floated above the bed gradually seeing my body growing smaller and smaller. I kept on looking at it as though I was viewing the inside of a doll's house with the roof off.

There was darkness all around me, no white lights and tunnels, just blackness. When my body on the bed was a tiny speck it was as though I realized what was happening and I told myself that it was not my time to go, and just as I thought this, I whooshed straight down into my body.

I was never given a blood transfusion and it took nearly two weeks before I was strong enough to walk.

Two years later I had a son in hospital and was given a drug to stop me from hemorrhaging again, and 17 months after that I had another son, again in the hospital.

My daughter has since had two daughters of her own, but five years ago
Contracted meningitis, was in a semi-coma for a month, and experienced the same NDE, but hers was slightly different to mine.

I didn't know I'd had a NDE till a long time later but always knew something had stopped me from dying.


View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Sunday, December 1, 2002 - 12:25 pm:

Brought Back From the Brink of Death. Saved By the Holy Spirit.


My new house was built in Oswego Illinois on January 1995. I bought new
Furniture and decorated the outside with new shrubs and trees. On May 25th 1995 I was going to the hardware store when I tried to avoid another car merging into my lane. I swerved out of control, ended up going in the opposite direction. I hit an oncoming ambulance and a large tree.

Another ambulance was summoned; it took them many hours to stabilize me before transporting me to the hospital. I was unconscious at the scene and remained comatose for over 2.5 weeks. Injuries included acute respiratory failure requiring respiratory ventilator for 10 days, collapsed lung, multiple rib fractures and Traumatic brain injury. I was initially very impaired unable to walk, talk, swallow and the use of my right hand.

On June 12, 1995 I almost slipped the surely bonds on earth to touch
The face of God, but my spirit was caught by Jesus Christ who brought me back to earth. He gave me the power and strength to rebuild my body and spirit.

I first went to the rehabilitation hospital, I was there for seven months, and this was the first stage of my recovery. After the rehabilitation center, I started walking around the subdivision for about 2 years.

In 1998 I went religiously to the athletic club and started to rebuild my body and mind.

In the year 2000 I started doing water aerobics, yoga, kung fu in the sauna. By doing all this stretching my recovery has been accelerated to full recovery!


View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Sunday, December 1, 2002 - 12:11 pm:

On November 9, 2002, I was whitewater kayaking on the Medina River in the Texas hill country with four other paddlers. As we approached what appeared to be a low-water dam, I went ahead to scout it. Then I saw a Ford Expedition drive across it, so I knew it was a low-water-crossing road. There was water on top of the road, so I tried to scoot my kayak across it, with me in it, but the water wasn't deep enough. I slid off the road, and turned sideways, with the road on my left. The boat capsized to my right, and I was upside down, held in the boat by my spray skirt. Since I had not yet learned to roll up, I pulled the spray skirt, intending to swim back up to the surface, but a strong current grabbed me.

I was pulled underwater and into a pipe (about four feet in diameter), which ran under the road. There was no air in the pipe. The water was running very fast, and it was very turbulent. I was trying to figure out what was happening, and I'd figured out I was in something, and opened my eyes just a bit and saw daylight, then I was spit out the other end.

My main concern as I stood up in waist-high water was my contact lenses, which were still in my eyes, but re-arranged. After blinking a few times, and having the lenses go back to where they should be, I realized what had happened, and then I got scared. The other four kayakers saw the incident and thought I was gone and would die. We found my boat and paddle downstream, but I don't know if they went through the pipe before or after me, or if they went over the road.
I never lost consciousness, and I didn't have time to be terrified while it was happening to me--I was still trying to figure out what was happening when the pipe spit me out.

When I went home, I had a strong sense of being glad to see my home, husband, dogs, and cats again. In the days to come, I developed whiplash in my neck, which my chiropractor fixed. I can only guess that it came from being knocked around in the pipe, but I don't remember. I was wearing a Kevlar-reinforced whitewater helmet and a PFD (life preserver vest.)

I'm not sure if this counts as a bona-fide NDE--please let me know! Everyone I tell about it, especially experienced whitewater kayakers, gets very wide eyes when they hear about it, and mentions that half the time those pipes are clogged with debris (which would have trapped and drowned me), and tells me I'm very lucky to be alive. I feel very lucky, and I thank God.


View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Friday, November 22, 2002 - 03:37 pm:

My sixth year of camp, my group was separated from the rest of the buses and put into a bus that would fit 15 people because there was no more room on the others.

It was the older group so of course we were jokers with the counselors that were with us for those two weeks.
My counselor said the next time we rode in the van I would be able to sit in the passenger seat because I hated the music that they would play, but he said: "No, sorry not this time sweetie". It wasn't that big of a deal anyway. So I sat on the first bench in the middle seat. We waved our goodbyes to the others at the camp and I was sad as usual.

We were on our way about 15 minutes behind the other busers so the counselor that was driving was speeding. I had known this guy for several years as he was there most of the years I was and he was a pretty crazy driver/person.

I was not wearing my seat belt at that time, never at camp and never driving with him. I suddenly felt like something terrible was about to happen and I put on my seat belt.

Let us call the driver Collin.
Well Collin thought he would put the van on cruise control at 140mph and then take a dare by putting both his feet on the dashboard. I screamed at him to stop and so did the counselor in the passenger seat. As he was taking his left leg down from the dashboard it appeared to be stuck, then suddenly a squirrel ran by us. Collin decided to swerve the van and so we hit the ditch straight on , bounced on impact 5 times and rolled another 100 yards.

It was amazing. I remember swerving off the rode and just taking a deep breath, thinking that this was it and squeezed my eyes shut. My entire life flew before me. I saw myself as a child, things I had never known
previously to me. As this was happening I saw someone smiling at me the whole time. I saw a golden light that made me blind but kept on seeing even though it was blinding even to the sun if it had eyes.

I then awoke hanging upside down in a state that was sort of a fuzzy haze.. I saw bodies everywhere, which I thought were dead. One person next to me had his foot caught in the seat which broke it and the other was bleeding from the head.

The guy who saved my life was lying there moaning from the pain. I later found out that he had broken an arm, a broken leg , stitches from head to toe, three broken vertebrae’s, broken ribs, you name it...But he lived, we all did.

My mother later told me that a police officer had said we were all suppose to be dead. The roof of the van was completely caved in and upside down mangled and crushed in all places. It's miraculous.

All I can say is that if I hadn't of worn my seat belt I would have gone through the window and died, or if my counselor had decided to let me sit in the front seat I would have died. But, something saved me from that...something that wouldn't let anything happen to me because something would have without me knowing it.


View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Tuesday, November 19, 2002 - 12:24 pm:

I was experiencing the third day of chest pain. It felt like something was trying to come out from my collarbone on the left side of my neck.

I do not remember out of body occurring before I was at the hospital though my memory during the hours before being taken to emergency were sketchy. The first out of body experience occurred while I was sitting in a wheelchair waiting to be admitted. I remember looking down and seeing myself hunched over in the wheel chair. The I was back in myself and remember looking up from the gurney, from my own eyes...but there seemed like allot of "interference" like when the TV is scratchy, the noise. The attending physician gave me something and everything became black. I was looking down on myself again. There is a chunk of time I don't recall. During that time I was taken from the emergency room to ICU. During that time I had my Experience.

I remember seeing these sparkles like jewels before my eyes. I remember trying to focus on the sparkles and as I did, this wall came into focus. The wall was alive with blues, purples, reds and oranges sparkling on it. I became aware of this golden sandy floor. My perception was of seeing from a height taller than my physical being. So in some part of my thought I knew I was floating. I looked around at the place I was and saw that I was in what appeared to be a huge cave or cavern. To my left and slightly behind me was this field of golden, sandy, boulders and beyond the boulders was this cliff wall that went so far up that the top was lost in the gloom above. I saw what appeared to be my physical self lying naked on the cavern floor leaning up against a boulder. And yet, I knew "me" too and, I was levitating above the ground.

I became aware of the light at the same time that I saw this coweled being appear. His cowl was of this strange sort of bluish gray color. I say "His" because the voice he would speak to me in was masculine and had the sense of being ancient. ... I do not remember if I approached the being or if He approached me but, I remember trying to levitate up to look in the opening of His coweled hood and this voice in my head telling me it wasn't important, and then dropping down and yet still trying to look up the sleeves for His hands. I do not remember clearly all the words that were given me. I know I was given a choice to remain or to return to my body. There was a task that needed doing that I was especially well suited to but that, if I chose to remain another could do that thing. (I don't remember or if I ever knew what the thing or things were). I saw past Him and there was a tunnel leading toward the dark and I remember the fear of that way.

And I remember the light far down the cavern whose shine was the source for all the light in the cavern and I remember a sense of yearning for that way. But, I chose to return.

I remember a whirlpool of sludge type composition, like the mud-laden water of a flood and there were large objects in that whirlpool.

The next thing I remember was hearing the nurses say that I would not be coming to for some time yet because of the morphine they had given me. The doctor walked over to check on me and leaning over me...I reached out and grabbed hold of His necktie... In that place where I had there was no pain and the temperature was just right. I had a sense of well being. I knew who I was though it was not important. I remember the sense of innocence and child like curiosity that I felt. I was definitely not afraid. Even when looking down the dark tunnel.

I was finally able to begin articulating about this place after I found a rock, calco-pyrite, while walking through a toy store with my children. The colors and the way it refracted light reminded me of my experience. I bought the rock and went home and drew a picture of the place I had been. I also looked up about the rock and found that it develops from iron pyrite being exposed to great heat and is often associated with sandstone.

I want to go back to where I was and look forward to the day that the tasks that I returned to this life to conclude are finished.


View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Tuesday, November 19, 2002 - 12:04 pm:

I had been sick with the flu for days and I wasn't taking very good care of myself. (I have a history of S.V.T's (super ventricular tacnycardia sp?).

On the forth day I felt better and I ate a piece of pizza with my family and friends. It didn't 'sit' well and I was soon in the bathroom. I was very hot and I took off my sweater. (I call my experience my Elvis Presley impersonation.) I was sitting on the toilet feeling very faint, I never feel faint, and I have never fainted. I yelled for my spouse, Dave. He didn't hear me so I yelled louder. I heard my friend Sheila tell Dave that I sounded weird and he better go see if I was alright. Dave came up and stood in the doorway looking at me. I told him that my heart felt funny. That is the last thing I remember of a 'physical sensation'. I guess after I said this I went stiff and started convulsing. I fell off the toilet and got wedged in between it and the standing shower. Dave said that my eyes were in the back of my head and my lips were blue. He yelled for Sheila to come help. Sheila worked as a nursing assistant. They got me 'un-stuck' and they got my pants up. They had me in a sitting position on the floor. Sheila said that she could not find a pulse.

What I remember:
It was completely black. I had no sense of a body. I was very confused. I explain it as the feeling you get if you’re very little and you lose your mom in a crowd. It was total fear and aloneness. For a second I thought I might be in hell, it was so empty. Then a PEACE came over me. I felt like I was totally loved, totally happy. I had no fears or worries or pains. It was wonderful. I started hearing music. Beautiful music and, I started seeing a mirage of colors. Suddenly I heard a faint voice. It felt like apparently I had been "moving" because I started to feel like I was coming down, like a helium balloon being pulled. I heard Dave and then Sheila, they were saying: “COME BACK” “COME BACK”!!!!" I was hearing this very quietly at first and than as I 'sank', it got louder and louder. I then felt my body and knew that Dave was screaming in one ear and Shelia in the other. They were inches from my head. I felt groggy and light and I said, "I want to go back” and Sheila said, "You aren't going any where but the hospital." They said I was very dehydrated and they gave me an I.V of fluids, they told me to rest. I didn't care. I didn't care about anything the rest of the day.

I was almost giddy for months, because I KNEW that there was something better after this. I have no doubts about death. I don't have any fears about what happens when this body is done here. I have a sense of Underlining peace in my life now. I'm thankful.


View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Tuesday, November 12, 2002 - 06:43 pm:

My near death experience happened after cardiac surgery.

At the time of surgery I was already critically ill in fact, I was dying from congestive heart failure caused by congenital cardiac problems associated with Holt–Oram syndrome. I had not experienced any major problems with my heart up until about roughly a year before my surgery.

I have been told since that the doctors involved in my case were not overly confident that I would make it through surgery because even as I was being anaesthetized, I was turning blue and my breathing was erratic. However the surgery itself went well and I was moved to the cardiac intensive care unit and all seemed well until I was extubated and allowed to breath on my own.

I began having breathing difficulties soon after and had to be re- incubated. To cut a very long story short, this happened three times in total over a six week period and I needed to have a tube with a balloon on the end inserted into my groin which went up to my heart and pulsated with every heart beat. During this time I did have brief moments of consciousness as the doctors took me off life support periodically to see if I was able to breath on my own but I think for the most part I was unconscious.

Firstly, I would like to share with you a rather odd experience I had during one of the times when was I conscious. I had only been breathing on my own for a short time and started to have difficulties, I was gasping for breath and getting quite anxious. As you can imagine it is very frightening when you can’t breath properly. I think I actually blacked out for a moment and when I came to there was a nurse with short black hair and features that could have been male or female, wearing a white uniform standing by my bed holding my hand and telling me to breath. The nurse kept saying “ Breath, breath with me, that’s right, big breath in and then out” This went on for a while and I think I dozed off and when I woke the nurse was gone but, came back a little while later and held my hand and told me to keep breathing. I went to sleep again and when I woke this time there were doctors all around me and I was put back onto life support. I never saw the nurse again but I remembered her/him when I woke up properly and wanted to thank her/him personally for being there and getting me through that rough patch. I described him/her to the nursing staff, my husband and family but everyone said the same. There was no one working there that fitted the description besides, all staff including most of the doctors wear blue theatre gowns with blue pants. Not one of them wears white top and pants. After much thought I realized that I had never actually heard the nurse’s voice, he/she didn’t speak out loud. I only heard the voice in my head. The hospital I was in was quite old and used to be an old quarantine station and it has been suggested that the person who looked after me was a ghost. Who knows? I do know I was awake and I vividly remember the nurse being there and what he/she looked like.

I also remember having what I can only describe as extremely vivid dreams. For instance, I can remember being in an ambulance in the hospital car park and hearing the heart monitor I was attached to beeping. I distinctly remember becoming irate with a nurse and hitting, scratching and yelling at her. There was also the time when I was planning to escape from the hospital but was aware of having tubes in my neck and elsewhere which would make it difficult to get out. I was also moved to other hospitals, including a psychiatric hospital and left on a trolley outside a hospital dinning area. None of this stuff actually happened. It was all just in my mind. Fortunately apart from somehow managing to pull out the urinary catheter with my foot, I didn’t do any damage to myself or anyone else.

During all this I was critically ill, doctors had told my family I had about a 25% chance of surviving and if I did make it through there was a high chance I would have sustained major brain damage.

At some stage, although I know I wasn’t conscious, I too had the thought that I was going to die. I remember hearing myself say, “ I’m going to die.” I wasn’t at all upset by this thought. Then there was a brief moment of darkness and next thing, I could see myself lying in what I think was a room. This room was full of light and even though it was a bright light it wasn’t like glaring sunlight more of a pleasant golden- white light. I felt very loved at that moment, very much at peace and even though I couldn’t see anyone else, I knew I wasn’t alone. After a little while I heard a gentle male voice tell me “ You are going to be alright, you are not going to die.” I should clarify that when I say I heard a voice, I didn’t actually ‘hear’ it with my ears, it was in my mind, more like a thought. That is all I can remember of the experience, except that it wasn’t at all upsetting or frightening in any way.


Straight after this experience I started to regain consciousness and was able to breath on my own. Sometime during the time I was ‘ waking up’ I had another experience I’d like to share with you. A couple of years before I became ill our 2 ½ year old son, Daniel had died from complications due to the same surgery which I have had. When I was still coming in and out of consciousness, I had the strong feeling he was with me, on one occasion my husband was with me and he said, I suddenly opened my eyes and was looking at something and reached out. I had reached out for Daniel, I couldn’t see him but I knew he was there, sitting on the bed with me, near my box of tissues. I continued to have the feelings after I was fully awake and even now it still happens occasionally.

My recovery was quite quick, within a couple of days I was out of bed and standing with support. I had this indescribable urge to go outside, it was strange really but I just needed to be out in the open air. It was an unbelievable feeling when I was finally well enough to sit on the verandah outside the ward. In fact I spent most of my waking hours outside, just sitting, watching the birds, the rain and people go by. I have never been a morning person but during those first few weeks of ‘ being back’ I would sit outside and watch the sun coming up and if it rained I couldn’t wait to get outside, just to watch it fall and feel it on my hands. I also took more interest in the sky and clouds and the beauty of a thunderstorm it was like I was really seeing and experiencing all these things for the first time. I must say, before this experience I was terrified of thunder and particularly lightening. I would hide wherever I could during a storm but now it doesn’t bother me half as much. I am much more in tune with nature and my surroundings now and take much more notice of even the smallest things.

I did go through a period of depression when I went home and for several years after on and off. Even now I have the odd bout of feeling down, usually during these times I have the feeling that something is missing in my life and that I am not fulfilling my purpose here on earth. I don’t really understand why I feel this way because I’m the happiest I have ever been in my whole life. My life has changed, my outlook has changed and I feel different about everything in general. I am no longer judgmental or cynical, there is no room in my life for the word hate, I’m a much warmer loving, kind, understanding and caring individual. I take one day at a time and I love my life!


View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Tuesday, November 12, 2002 - 06:19 pm:

The strange thing in my opinion, is that I do not remember anything about leaving my body and any tunnel effect. I only remember I was there in a complete internal light environment. I did not see any related person. I "communicated" with "something" that I did not really see but, it was there and told me that I had to return. I remember that I wanted to stay (I did not feel any connection with my family and found it completely irrelevant as an argument to return) It was not my time and I had still to do something on earth. Without telling me what and so, I still ask myself what I have to do. But, it will be clear when the time is there as I was told me.

Before sending me back I was allowed to ask something and I remember very well. I asked how the universe was composed and it was explained to me in all details. I remember that it was extremely beautiful and extremely simple and said to myself this information I must remember when I am sent back.

Being sent back, I remember very well that it was a very painful
experience to be put in a tunnel that becomes more and more narrow and also when dimensions more and more became restricted, I lost control over the information I got earlier (it felt as if my head was crashed).

I woke up in my bed and found the earth a terrible dark place that really frightened me at that moment.

Sometimes I think it was simply a dream but, the experience was so realistic. Especially returning was so painful that I am convinced it was a real NDE.

There doesn't pass almost a day in my life I do not think about it. I really am not afraid anymore to die but, you still can be afraid how to die.

About the knowledge I got there, I sometimes have the impression to have it in my fingers. I also have some unusual ideas/concepts about the universe. Not having physical and/or mathematical background enough I can not do anything with it. I suppose it is not really important or perhaps in the future I will remember something at the right moment (who knows).


View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Sunday, October 27, 2002 - 08:08 pm:

I am trying to find an answer to, have I had a near death experience? If not, have you any idea what happened to me? I am Reiki practitioner master teacher in Australia. Before I had the experience I started to hear voices in my head, they wanted me to go and see a doctor and get help when the voices got out of hand. I did go to the hospital and they told me that I developed a disassociate disorder quiet common among energy workers, he said that it would pass shortly and prescribed medication for me.

Then a few months later I found myself sitting on the couch, when everything went frozen white, I was consciousness but I had no thoughts at all, I couldn't move, I know my eyes were open but all I could see was the frozen light. I could not see my surroundings at all. I could not hear anything or speak, as much as I tried. I knew that I was not breathing and had no heartbeat. I live alone and I have no idea how long I remained in that state. When I started to become conscious again, I felt as if I was dead. I somehow got to bed and stayed there for days. It took several hours to have a flow of thoughts in my head.

Three years have past since that event: I haven't told people about it. I still feel unreal and my body temperature is cold most of the time. Before this happened, I began to develope clairsentience. But, after the event I developed clairaudience, aura sight, past life recall, other people's as well as my own, a fairly good level of telepathy, and I can foresee future events, and have communicated with spirits. I now use all this in my healing work and I do psychic work and a little medium work.

Every day is a hard day to get by because I don't feel alive. I feel I am in a body but not alive.

As an energy worker I came to this conclusion. I feel as if I had died but either my spirit or crown chakra shut down so, I could not leave my body. I did not leave the body and return like most cases of NDE. I was trapped in it and could not get out. When I came to life I was so shocked, I just went to bed.

I know this does not fit in with NDE, can you tell me what happened to me? Is there a way I can feel alive again instead of a walking corpse?


View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Sunday, October 27, 2002 - 07:56 pm:

Our family was going on an outing. My mother was driving, because my father is afraid to drive. My father is directing. They actually both drive the car--my mother on the left side of the front seat, my father on the right. My brother, two sisters, and myself were in the car. I was sitting left side, rear seat. The car was in the left lane, preparing to make a left-hand turn across the highway. I was dressed in my new plaid shirt and new rolled-to-the-top-of-the-knee cream-colored jeans. I was so happy we were going to the park. It was 1965, and I was 13 years of age.

The next earthly thing that happened when I was back in my body was an intense feeling of pain and a woman's voice by my left ear saying, "This one's awake." I tried to open my eyes and they opened. I saw blood on my lap. All over my new pants. I saw glass on my lap. I closed my eyes and started to cry. And the earthly drama continued. (I'm back. I just took a break.)

My thoughts will seem, actually be, disconnected during this writing. I've never been able to find anyone to talk to about this experience that even remotely understands what I am going through. This thing is like a thing that I've been carrying around for years that I do not know what to do with. I do not know what to do, how to live my life. Nothing on earth matters to me except my children and grandchildren. Today (I am 50 now. This happened when I was 13) I am on disability for depression and anxiety. I have a history of alcoholism and other addictions. Namely, benziodeazapines, smoking, food, credit cards. I probably could get addicted to anything that will alter my reality. I've been diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder, social phobia, obsessive, compulsive personality disorder (intrusive thoughts).
Now remember, these scenarios are put into earthly words for want of a word. There are no earthly words to describe some things, such as tunnel, colors, light, etc.

I was speeding through a black tunnel with reddish colors--so fast. (Now that's weird, I'm on the internet, but yet the phone rang three times, and I only have one line. I have to tell myself that there is a logical explanation somewhere. )I felt scared. I had no control, and the experience was horrible. It ended and I find myself in a place of black. A void. Time went on forever, but there was no time. Space went on forever, but there was no space. Time and space were one. Time and space did not exist. I felt scared. I called out. I realized there was no way out. I prayed. I couldn't kill myself, because I was already dead. (There is no earthly record that I was dead. I may not have had an earthly death.) I realized I had no control. I was to be there forever. I curled up in a fetal position. That soon, I'm in another place, walking (floating) with, I think it was, two "beings," for want of a better word. A place of great "light". It is soooooooooooooooooo beautiful. I feel so wonderful. I feel happy. I feel sooooooooooooooo much love. It is indescribable. There is so much love. The outstanding feature of this entire experience is the feeling?, knowing?, no , it's the love itself. A love I've never experienced on this earth. Never in my earthly life have I experienced the pure love. Not pure love. Maybe it was pure love. Or maybe it was "full" love of which we experience only minute aspects of it on earth. (See what this has done to me?) We were in this great light. But, it was different than the light on earth. I didn't feel it like the heat of the sun, and I love the sun. Nor was it like I had to shield my eyes. But, it was a great, magnificent light. We were walking, floating, over a field of wheat. We were "talking." (Another break. This is heavy stuff for me.) Much talk. Back and forth. I had sooo many questions. I was soooo happy and at peace. I can't say I felt like these beings were old friends, but I had the feeling of love and safety with them. Again, for want of a better description. We talked and talked and talked as we walked. I kept asking questions, and they kept answering my questions, as we kept walking. I'll mention that our talking was done by thinking. But, it wasn't intruding on ones thoughts. It was just the way we talked. We talked just by asking. But, it was all done without our mouths. The part I find sad, is that I cannot remember one thing that I asked or one thing that they said to me. I do know they were telling me about a place we were going to. I could see a (again, for want of a better word.) line, or border. Like a horizon, for want of a better word. It was a place of even greater light. We were headed there, and they were excited about it. Then they turned to me and told me I had to go back. We were still in the place of light. I told them I wouldn't go. They tried to convince me to go back. I was adamant. I was staying. Then, another being showed up out of nowhere. I had the feeling he was stronger, or had more authority than the others. Or was different in some way. He talked to me and tried to convince me to return. I still refused, and was steadfast in my decision. I was staying, and they couldn't do anything about it. I was staying. All of a sudden, there was this force pulling me backward. I resisted with all my might, but it was no use. It was stronger than I was. I kept being pulled backward. It was quick.

I woke up in my body, which takes you to the beginning of this writing. I had a broken neck. Where, I don't know. It doesn't show up on the x-rays. Everyone was so serious about it all during my hospital stay. I was in a neck brace and told to stay on my back. Of course, being thirteen years of age, I didn't listen. I have a scar on my face next to, and under, my eye where it was cut during the accident. When I was in the hospital, my mother was in the next room. She came over to visit me. I tried to tell her what happened. I don't remember what I said to her. She told me not to tell anyone, and that if I did, they would think I was crazy. So, I kept silent.

Time passed. I turned twenty years of age. I was married and living in Japan on an Air Force base with my husband and two daughters. My husband and I were looking at Johnny Carson on the Far East Network. A man by the name of Dr. Moody was on. He kept talking. I got so excited. I jumped up on the bed and said excitedly to my husband, "That's what happened to me." It was out. I wasn't crazy. Other people have gone through this. My husband just didn't understand. That's how it’s been whenever I try to process this "experience." They either want to hear the story for entertainment. If they want to hear the story, they want me to have special powers now. Or, they think I'm crazy. Or, they lend a caring ear, but don't know what to say. When I say I need help with this, they do not know how to help, and I do not know exactly what king of help I need. There are plenty of books on the issue, but I feel lonely because I haven't found an understanding pulse to talk to. So, where do I go from here?


View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Sunday, October 13, 2002 - 03:41 pm:

During a difficult labour, trying to deliver a stillborn baby I was given a drug that I was highly sensitive to. Scoline, a muscle relaxant, derived from Curare. I reacted as if it were Curare and I became paralyzed for a long period of time. I only survived the experience on a heart/ lung machine. I was asked to sign the permission to have surgery in extreme pain after two days in labour. I was lucid at the point of signing and attempted to ask if they were about to administer the drug I had told them I was allergic to. I decided that I no longer cared if they 'killed' me since I had reached a point where I could no longer cope with pain.

The rest of the narrative is an attempt to describe 'feelings' rather than events. I 'found' myself floating in a dark void. I was conscious that I had no physical body. My thought processes were excited about my current location and attempted to validate it by answering questions which I perceived were coming from 'somewhere else' "How do you feel? " I feel like ...like a contented smile, not a laugh or a giggle. A contented smile." I perceived that the questions were coming from my dead baby. We spoke mentally back and fourth and I can't remember now the conversation but feel as if it still resides in my subconscious. The feeling I get was that the conversation was about what life is all about and is hard to put into words that justify it. The essence of the conversation was that we are all one thing.

I saw a light ahead of me that was getting larger. I perceived this as movement on my part. As I came closer to the light, the feeling of contentment was replaced with fear. The voice asked me again what I felt and I answered ; “fear”, "Why" the voice asked. I tried to understand the shape of the fear. I felt afraid to be absorbed into the light. I felt afraid of the loss of my ego and myself.

At this point I began to think of the people I had left behind. My husband and parents and, I saw them weeping. (Later my sister said that at the moment of my 'death' my mother, waiting at home jumped to her feet and shouted, "Ann's gone.") With this thought about my parents came a feeling of tumbling downward and I was conscious again.

I learnt later that it was at this point I was given an antidote to Scoline. After, the team had rushed in a consultant anesthesiologist. At first at my collapse they had not identified the problem, because the reason for emergency surgery was my very high blood pressure. My heart had stopped, but I was resuscitated and put onto a ventilator.

From that moment I felt as if the person I had been did die and that another person was sent to recovery. An older person perhaps.

A few days later I was emotional about the loss of my baby and felt a presence in my room. I felt as if I was awake in my bed, but fear of this presence paralyzed me. The presence, which seemed to be that of a very old woman, approached the bed and I tried to cry out but felt frozen. I felt as if her hand touched my face that, I would dissolve into fear/ madness. She reached out and I heard a voice say, "It's alright. It’s only Alice." I relaxed and she vanished. I was fully awake now, as if I had been asleep then, but it didn't feel as if I was.


View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Sunday, October 13, 2002 - 03:07 pm:

When I was 12 I fell approximately 20-25 feet from a tree. The second I let go of the branch I blacked out.

The next thing I recall I'm standing on a ladder going up.

I looked above me and I saw a faceless being looking down at me. There was a bright, goldish/yellow light behind him, so maybe that's why it was faceless.

I heard my sister calling my name from below me, but don't remember seeing her. I may have.

I then looked over to my right and I saw my sister and my dad attempting to pull my body up the hill towards home. My sister was holding my hands and my dad my feet.

I then heard a voice in my head say "You can go or you can stay". I was in no way ready to die, so I thought, "I want to stay".

The next thing I know I was floating over my body looking down from behind my sister. I saw my dad attempting to go to his left, so they could pull me up the hill side ways but she told him to just hold my feet. I didn't hear her literally, just they were communicating.

I then started to sink back into my body. I was told that they walked me around the house, but I don't remember any of that.

I woke up in the ambulance and saw the male nurse at my feet; I was really dizzy and just messed up, so I went back to sleep. I didn't wake up again until in the hospital bed a few hours later.


View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Sunday, October 13, 2002 - 02:41 pm:

First of all I am a diabetic. On Friday, November 19, 1999, I felt fluish. By Saturday I was vomiting and experiencing what I felt was only the flu.
(I had a strong need to be at my parent’s home.) Since my meter read good numbers I promised my mom if I was still the same on Sunday we could go to the emergency room.
As the night went on I asked my dad to please get my mom. I for some reason had a strong desire to have her near me. (I was on the couch) She came down and slept on the couch with me.

I felt my breathing hurting and becoming harder. I felt extreme pain all over my body and I couldn't stand straight. At one point I remember grabbing an alarm clock and thinking it was my glass of water. I fell asleep to suddenly waking up at about 8:10 a.m. That's when I told my mother it was time for me to go. That I loved her very much and not to feel bad because I never really got to be a happy girl. I also noticed a boy (about in upper teens) waiting by the coffee table. He kept trying to hurry me along with my mom. I kept saying things like (please excuse my French but I m telling you the whole thing) “---- off and give me another minute!”. My mom kept asking who I was talking to and tried to quiet me down. My sister upstairs said that I woke her and she thought to herself "what's up with her" to only have a voice go off in her head and say, "she's dying". She dismissed it and fell back to sleep. I kept telling my mom how much I loved her and had to go now. She only dismissed and said yes you need to sleep now and well go to the clinic later. Well, she laid next to me on the couch and said "god you’re cold" and rubbed my legs and feet.

By 10:00 a.m. my mom got up to use the bathroom and I followed. When she came out we both noticed how my arm was hanging funny off the couch. How I was ashed colored. In case you didn't notice I said: “I was on the couch” but, also next to my mom looking at myself too. She tried to wake me, checked for a pulse, shook me and began yelling at me. That brought my sister downstairs to only look at me and say "Mom, she's dead". My mom yelled at her to never say that and told her to call 911 and she ran upstairs to get my dad. I followed my sister to the phone and watched her and listened to her on the Tele with the 911 lady. (The whole time that boy is with me and telling me we had to go).

Next, my dad came down and started to shake and yell at me to wake up. Then my parents went into action and started CPR. My sister couldn't hack hearing the air come back up like it did. (She said that was the scariest sound she'd ever heard) I followed her out to the porch. She was waiting for the paramedics. They came and shocked me and then, I don't remember again until the ride in the ambulance when I say my dad in the front passenger seat of the ambulance looking back and watching the men work on me.

Then we made it to the hospital and I followed the doctor in where he told my parents that I was down to long and I would not regain and if I did it would be at what quality of life. Hell, they had the Red Cross on stand by for organs and a Reverend wanting to give me last rights. I remember hearing the prayers people would say in their heads as the Reverend prayed over me. I heard people’s personal thoughts about me. As all this was going on I m begging to please not let me go back because I loved it where I was and my life back there was such crap.

I remember being told that I was very much loved and believed in many wrong people and beliefs. I was shown who was true and who was not to me. I was told that I was beautiful and loved and would be missed. One thing I will always remember is being told how my mom was not ready for this. I was shown what would take place if I were not to come back. I saw her sitting in her bedroom with nothing but the feeling of dread and sadness. It's very hard to describe all the things that were taking place all at once. Then I remember my brother (he's in the Navy and was stationed in Chicago at the time) coming in the room and saying how he felt like someone just kicked him in the stomach.

Then , I just suddenly woke up from my coma that they claimed I never would wake up from and, if I did I'd be a veggie. I held out my hand to my parents who sat at my bedside day and night. They jumped out of their skin and they looked shocked to see me awake.

I remember reading the little board on the wall where the nurses of the shift would write their names. I remember reading Teri and Teresa and the day was Monday, November 22, 1999. I tried to ask “what happened to Sunday” but, the breathing tube kind of got in the way. I spent Thanksgiving in the ICU and had surgery that day too. I was exhausted like never before but I never felt the feeling I had before either. It's hard to explain but , I felt very peaceful, clean and content. I felt new in a way I guess you could say, I felt like no one or nothing could touch me and hurt me in anyway. I spent 11 days in the hospital. I was very weak but always demanded to go home. I became depressed a little and talked a lot about "my experience".

Then one day my sister and I were on the computer and she was blowing up a picture of what she said “had ghosts in it”. It was a picture of me at a cemetery by a witch’s ball. Well guess what, she was right about the picture and ghosts. One ghost got my attention though. It was the boy who was at my house the day I died. (The picture was taken 2 wks before my ordeal).

I went to the cemetery and right to his grave. Then I went to the library and looked up his name on the stone because I was interested on how he died. After that even more changed for me.

I just needed some to talk to that had been where I was. Of course I had no one so I pushed it aside and gave it a rest because everyone thought I was being too involved in the nde. But to this day, almost three years later, I still have the need to find out more about my nde and be told , I m not crazy and that yes nde’s do exist and not some brain flash or whatever critics are calling it now.

I’m sorry. I know what I know and it wasn't a dream. I have so much more I could say. I probably skipped over some things but, it's hard to write it all down. I would be more than happy to speak to anyone about this at anytime.

My life has truly changed. I even listened to some of the knowledge I was given and I’m not perfect but, have tried to hold on to that extreme patience I had when I first came back.

Thank you for allowing me to share this.


View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Wednesday, September 18, 2002 - 08:28 pm:

I was extremely depressed and unhappy in my marriage, friendships and job.

I actually broke the law by stealing from my boss in an effort to be heard.

No one listened to me so I finally ran away from my husband and two beautiful children and attempted suicide.

This attempt resulted in clinical death and I experienced myself looking at my body from what felt like above the bed. The last I remember before waking up was blackness and a feeling of nothingness. I woke up in the Intensive Care Unit. I was at that time despondent because death is what I still wanted at that time. I finally did realize that I needed help and against my husbands wishes I checked myself into the Psych Unit of the hospital. Even though I went willingly I fought treatment the whole way. I was angry and still wanted death.

Slowly I began to emerge from the depression and began to want life again. I had to fight with my husband to be able to go back to school, but fight I did and I am now an RN.

I also ended up pleading guilty to charges of theft of property. I received a suspended imposition of sentence, which I had to clear before taking my nursing boards. My record at this time is clear of any criminal doings. This has been a blessing. I have been so honest my whole life that the guilt over what I had done was almost unbearable. Through therapy I realized that the events that had led to this were the result of Childhood Sexual Abuse that I was just starting to remember at the time of the Suicide Attempt.

My life now is nothing like I ever imagined it could be. I began to have psychic visions and premonitions and my family thought I was totally crazy. As a result I left my adult children and my husband and moved to the Eastern US to start a new life. I had a friend that I had met online and she gave me a safe haven until I could get a job and start over. I am now a level 2 Reiki healer and very spiritual. I have daily contact with spirit guides and angels who help me with my healing.

I am the Director of Nursing in a Long Term Care Facility and feel that I am on the path that I am meant to be on. My life is so drastically changed and I am not the same person who made that suicide attempt. My life is spent in healing and loving. Meditation and prayer are daily necessities for me. I have no fear of death and have helped many to pass over in a much easier way than I ever thought possible. Even though my job is stressful and hectic many people tell me that I have a look of serenity about me and I have never been happier.


View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Wednesday, September 18, 2002 - 08:14 pm:

In November 1986 I was anxiously awaiting the birth of my first child. I had mixed feelings when I finally went into labor. When my water broke, it was not clear as it should be but me conium filled, meaning my baby was showing signs of distress. My doctor told me this is not uncommon.


As the hours went by, the pain increased. I was finally wheeled into the delivery room. By this time, the pain was almost unbearable. Again, a few hours went by and still no baby. Upon examination by my doctor it was determined that the umbilical cord was wrapped around my baby's neck. She attached a monitor to my baby's head and had some kind of monitor strapped onto my upper leg. When my baby stopped breathing, my doctor had to act fast. She said, "We have to get this baby out now!" Unfortunately, my tailbone was in the way. While pulling my baby out with forceps, my doctor broke my tailbone. By this point, the pain was so excruciating, I couldn't believe a body could survive.

I then felt "sparks" shooting out of my leg where the monitor was attached. I asked my doctor to "loosen" the strap, but she couldn't hear me -- in fact no one in the room could hear me. I know I was screaming, so why couldn't anyone hear me?

The next thing I know, a mask was put on my face. Then, the pain was gone. My baby hadn't been born yet, so how could the pain be gone? All of a sudden, I was looking around the room, but it looked different, I was looking at it from the ceiling. I watched as a doctor was working on me and as my obstetrician was pulling my baby out. I saw my daughter being born, not breathing. I made an agreement with my daughter at that time, I told her that if "she would start breathing, I would be there to take care of her." With that, I was back in my aching body "torn & bleeding" and my daughter let out the most wonderful cry.

Next month, my daughter will be a teenager (13) and I thank God for her everyday. I still have pain from this experience from the tailbone breakage (I still can't sit for a long period of time without pain). My daughter suffers from "Obsessive Compulsive Disorder" which her doctors have attributed from the lack of oxygen she suffered when the umbilical chord was wrapped around her neck. However, this disorder is being treated successfully with medication. I would go through the same thing all over again for my daughter. Two years after my daughter’s birth, I gave birth to another daughter. I went into labor at 11:45 pm. Had one contraction, and she was born at midnight. I was up walking around less than 15 minutes after that.


View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Wednesday, September 18, 2002 - 07:50 pm:

I had been ill for a few days and it seemed to worsen, yet I was getting sicker and sicker and didn't realize it. Symptoms of my illness...it turns out I was slipping into septic shock from a severe urinary tract infection...worsened, but my mind was clouded. Finally I slipped into and out of a coma. A few hours later my sister discovered me and called an ambulance. At this time, I was having severe convulsions then lapsing back into unconsciousness.

I was taken by ambulance to the ER at the local hospital and was vaguely aware of my surroundings. My mother and sister were in the room along with the medical team. Finally, I lapsed back into unconsciousness and all sensation disappeared; yet I was alert to what was going on around me. I was slowly enveloped in red and felt as if I were floating, suspended in a reddish gelatin. A warm, glow came from outside the glow. There was no fear or no terror and I do not think the red was a bad omen. It was all so very comforting.

Sounds in the room around me became muffled and began to recede into the background and finally into the far, far distance. I was suspended in a state of pure light and moving away from any of my surroundings when my mother reached down and took hold of my big toe. She said, "Doug, are you still there?"

At that moment I stopped slipping away and slowly came back into the room. As I awoke I felt aware of my surroundings and the pain, but I knew somehow I would be OK.

I actually think that if my mother had not taken my toe, I would have been gone, but she brought me back.

I have since recovered but remember the profound experience as if it happened this morning.


View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Wednesday, September 18, 2002 - 07:45 pm:

Early in the morning on the Saturday following Thanksgiving 1967, I was squirrel hunting with two friends. We were all 13 years old and originally were going to be hunting with one of my friend’s grandfather. His grandfather was unable to go and we decided to go by ourselves.

We came upon an oak tree that had what appeared to be a squirrel convention going on. We triangled the trunk of this tree while the squirrels scattered in all directions. I had aimed at a squirrel in the tree top and was in the process of pulling my shotguns trigger when I was suddenly stunned by a huge concussion. I have always compared it to being slapped by the Jolly Green Giant. As I stood there stunned my first thought was that my gun had exploded. I remember looking down and seeing my green plaid shirt covered in blood. I then heard one of my friends yelling, " you've shot him". At that point it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that I was the one shot. The boy who shot me decided to run to a nearby house to get help.

I then laid down to wait for help and while laying there it occurred to me that an ambulance would have a hard time getting to me in the woods, so I decided to get up walk to the same house he had run to so I could meet the ambulance. The other friend followed me and kept asking over and over if I was alright. We came to a wooden fence on the edge of the man's yard that, I then had to climb over. The friend went to help me but got blood on his gloves and just stood there looking at his hands. I'll never forget the look on his face.

As I walked across the yard toward the house I could see the friend who shot me beating on the door and yelling. About this time the door opened and Mr. Davis & his oldest son appeared. (We all knew the people who lived there). He took one look at me and yelled to everyone to put me in his car so he could take me to the hospital. The car was a red 2door Ford fastback and I was put in the middle of the back seat. As we took off for the hospital, which was only a few miles away, Mr. Davis realized that he did not have enough gas to get there. At this time I became aware of the pain and a great difficulty breathing.

Suddenly, all the pain was gone and I no longer felt the need to breathe. I don't think that I was breathing at that point. The peacefulness of it all still gives me goose bumps to this day. I remember looking down and seeing this car pull into the gas station. I was looking through the back window and realized that I could see myself or body sitting in the back seat. While up above the car I could see the station attendant open the gas tank door and remove the gas cap and put a small amount of gas into the car. In his haste he never replaced the gas cap or closed the gas tank door. I know this because I watched it all. As we pulled out of the gas station I became aware of the pain and difficulty breathing again. This only lasted a short time before I found myself above the car again and in utter peacefulness. I looked at myself through the rear window once again. As we approached the hospital I found myself returning to the car. Once again I became aware of the pain and the difficulty of breathing. I did not understand what was happening but knew at that time that there was life after death. I turned to the friend who had shot me and told him that if I died I would haunt him. I did not mean it in a bad way, I was trying to tell him that there was more to life and I would be OK, though it was a poor choice of words. I just knew that I would still be me, in spirit or body.

I never talked about my experience for years, even though it was constantly on my mind. I was afraid people would laugh or think I was crazy. Then one day I read an article about a Doctor at Duke University who was studying near death experiences and I knew what had happened and that I wasn't alone. Over the years I have talked to a few people about it and most of them listened quietly and accepted what I said, but a few thought I was crazy. No matter how hard you try to explain it no one will really understand until they experience it on their own.

A few final words before I close. I was shot in the head from about 20-25 feet with a 16ga shotgun, #6 shot. They doctors estimated that I received 95% of the load. I was not knocked out, nor off my feet. In my youthful ignorance I did not even think I was seriously injured, much less near death. At the time I did not even realize that my left eye had been destroyed. The doctors could not believe that I had walked out of the woods with my injuries, nor that I wasn't knocked out by them. My friends were questioned about this afterwards and confirmed the facts. When I finally left the hospital I had a doctor tell me that I shouldn't ever feel sorry for myself about losing my left eye because statistically I was dead. I still have the pellets in my head and a few years ago a doctor did an x-ray because I was having sinus problems. After seeing the x-ray he returned and asked me "how did you survive that?" He then took me back to see it for myself and when I walked into the room all the other doctors in the clinic were standing there looking at my x-ray. He introduced me as the survivor and they proceeded to show me how close I really came to dying that day.


View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Monday, September 16, 2002 - 09:15 am:

I cannot tell you the exact day, exact month, and I even have to think to tell the exact year, but the experience is with me in a complete sense and I can recall it in the smallest detail.

I was taken to the hospital suffering from severe asthma, and was basically drowning in my own fluids.

I knew I was leaving...I was going "home", not heaven, not hell, but "home".... it was so peaceful, so serene so beautiful. And I was given this knowledge that I was intrinsically a good person with a pure heart, and that I was very much loved. I knew this without the slightest doubt. It was so strong and so clear. And the feeling was of this overwhelming sense of acceptance, embracing pure love.... then there was this void that filled with light, not a tunnel, but as if in my mindsky was this all encompassing light, it did not hurt the eyes, though, it was diffused, but brilliant, and there appeared a spiritual being. She filled the space with her being, not in the physical sense but in her spiritual sense.... and on her face was serene beauty, but she did not have precise features...just this sense. Then, she reached out her hand to me, and I still remember her hand, her fingers just touching mine.... our fingers touched...and my life has never been the same...I wanted to go, but I wasn't ready yet, thinking of my daughter, and I spoke to her in a spirit sense and told her so, and she smiled this very accepting smile and I knew it would was acceptable that I stay, and that in some way I had been chosen and touched in a very profound way.

Since that time, I have begun writing poetry.... very powerful and good and people are amazed I have not been writing for years, but it is a feeling I must do it, that somehow there is this purpose this reason for it.

I know now there is such a thing as pure love...and am able to love in that sense, I know this without a doubt and understand faith and what it is, not logically, but in my heart

I know that we are all connected on this earth, in a way that perhaps we do not understand but we are.

I now believe in reincarnation and I question whether the spirit part of us ever truly dies.

I quite literally take on the pain of others now, I feel their pain with my whole being, and I do not always understand this, but I know it is real.

I feel young inside, very young, like a child at times, just learning about the world all over again; it is like the outside no longer matches the inside...that I have this young spirit trapped in an older body....
people think by my poetry I am 25-30 years old, which is what I feel.

I smoked before that. Even with asthma. I never even desired a cigarette after that time. Not once.

I know I am going to live to be very old. That my mind will not deteriorate, if anything, my lifeshell will. And that is another thing, I have noticed...I do not say body any longer, I say lifeshell. I no longer suffer from asthma, though my lungs are scarred. I no longer take medication of any kind.

Life flows through me now. I do not shut it out, nor deny it. I let it be what it is meant to be. I no longer have doubts of any kind about myself. I never felt such self-acceptance. I have traveled and found beauty even in darkness and wonder at it all and have such passion for life.

People tell me I am unique, different, spiritual, and sometimes I know they are frightened of what they do not understand, and I do not know how to tell them sometimes I am frightened too...

I cannot describe in words no matter how hard I try, the beauty the completeness, the overwhelming ness of it, and how life changing it was, and the loneliness of it sometimes, the feeling of being so all alone, knowing it is true, and knowing I will not let it be denied.


View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Monday, September 16, 2002 - 09:04 am:

My mother and her friend drove me to a Hospital in Chicago to have a tonsillectomy in 1941. I was taken to the operating room by the nurse and placed on the operating table. The nurse placed a cotton mask over my nose and mouth and sprayed it with ether.

The next thing that happened, my mind left my body and I drifted up from the table and then through the skylight, still seeing the nurse and doctor over me. I then went upward over Chicago through the sky and drifted past star after star until, I suddenly woke up coughing and vomiting blood.

The same nurse then came with ice cream for me to soothe my throat.

Even though my parents later became "born again" Christians, I have realized that all religions are based on myth because I felt so wonderful drifting through space and never saw "heaven".

This occurred 61 years ago and I remember it as if it occurred yesterday.


View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Sunday, September 8, 2002 - 11:37 pm:

I began to feel ill at work. I went home and threw up again and then, realized my heart had stopped. That was a strange feeling all by itself. I lost consciousness at 7:15 p.m. I was alone.

I found myself out of my body and in a new environment. A dark haired gentleman met me at the door of a very large complex and invited me in. It wasn't a dream. I remember every detail still, 10 months later.
He took me through the building and showed me different areas. He showed me a classroom and I saw a few people sitting at desks.
He took me to a room filled with ball gowns and he showed me a rack of them that belonged to me. He took me up on a roof and showed me many people out there. I told him I felt great fear in the people. He said they had come from the September 11th incident and they wouldn't come indoors yet.
He took me to a room that looked like a lodge kitchen. It had lots of card tables and a stove and cooking area. There was a grand looking Grey haired man making baked goods. I believe he was the head of the lodge or wherever I was. He looked like a fit Santa Claus. He was very loving and smiled at me. He communicated telepathically. He showed me a vision of my ex husband hiding stocks in the sand. Then, I was sent back.

I woke up thirteen hours later, still numb from the nose down and unable to get up. I called my friend who is a cardiologist and we took it from there.

Last Updated ( Thursday, 09 December 2010 15:59 )

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