I was scared and in so much pain. I fought for my next breaths, each one harder. Then I began getting colder, the breaths began getting harder, and the sound of the doctor's voice began to fade. I had questioned God's existence prior, actually for a while. The angioplasty opened my heart, but it soon collapsed. The doctor began saying frantically and repeatedly, "Stick with me buddy. Stick with me." He slowly faded away. As he faded I asked God to allow me to die with a smile and forgive me for all I had done. The room began to fade into the darkness. My life, not like Hollywood makes it look, flashed at the speed of light, yet slow enough to comprehend it all. Fear was intense; I thought I was going to hell.
Suddenly, breathing was easy and the room illuminated in a perfect light. I thought he had fixed my heart until I saw a nurse run into the room from the adjoining room (observation). Then I saw the look on everybody's face, including my wife who had barged her way into the far left side of the next room. I could not hear anything. I watched the doctor and two nurses working on me while my main focus went to my wife. Then I thought about the kids and my parents. My wife's face was so scared, so lonely, and so frightened. Yet, I did not understand why. I wanted to convey to her that I am great, but I couldn't and it didn't frustrate me. I loved her and everybody else in the room equally and it made no difference. God's light illuminated the whole room and me; He filled me.
At some point, I'm not sure if I thought: hey I have two kids left home, parents, grandchildren, and a loving wife so I must go home, or if I was told to go back. I remember thinking if I go back it's going to hurt like hell, and it did.
It wasn't until recovery that I thanked the nurse that ran in to help. I could not see him from the position I was laying. He told the others and they came in my room repeatedly asking where I saw them standing, each time freaking out.
Over the next few days I would v tack, but told them I wasn't going anywhere for a while.