On September 17, 2001, I had a full hysterectomy due to fibroids and endometriosis. It was suspected that the endometriosis had invaded my bowels. However, the surgeon did not have my gastroenterologist attend surgery to take care of it, contrary to our agreement, nor did he remove my entire right ovary during the hysterectomy. Due to these situations, the endometriosis continued to grow in my colon and by the end of the year had created a complete blockage. Of course, I didn't know this at that time. All I knew of was a whole lot of pain. My gastroenterologist was on vacation until January 2nd. On December 30th, I heard God tell me to stop eating, so I did. And, although I was in a lot of pain, I went to church for the New Year's Eve service. By 2 a.m., I was starting to throw up black stuff and had my husband take me home.
We went to my doctor's appointment on January 2nd and they scheduled a colonoscopy for the following Tuesday. However, on Saturday, January 4, 2002, I was in so much pain that I had my husband take me to the hospital. They said I was constipated and sent me home with instructions to take a laxative and some pain meds. Sunday afternoon, I was throwing up so much that I knew I was becoming dehydrated, so I had my husband take me back to the ER.
They admitted me, gave me pain meds, put a tube down my nose, and started tests. I do not remember much from the next few days. My husband told me that they didn't find what was wrong with me until Wednesday. The only thing I remember from that time is a nurse trying to perform a barium enema on me and it hurting so bad that I screamed three times for her to stop, and then insisted that the doctor sedate me before trying again. He agreed and the next thing I remember was Jesus walking me to Heaven.
We came out of the darkness into a very bright, white room. I could see the white wall, but I could also see beyond it. There were rolling green fields, trees, blue sky and people. Some people were walking around, some sitting, some conversing, and some reading. I "heard" Jesus tell me that I could go on or I could stay. I understood that he was saying I could go to heaven now or I could stay on Earth longer. I gave a big sigh and told him, "Well, Lord, if it was just me, I am so tired of pain that I would go now, but my husband and son still need me, so I guess I better stay." I knew that he smiled and he said, "okay". I woke up and there was the surgeon in my face. He said to me, "Whew! Welcome back! That was close!" Later, I learned from my husband that they had told him 30 more minutes and they would not have been able to save me.
Since then, I have more confidence in raising my son and am thankful for each day I am allowed to be a blessing to my family and to those around me. Additionally, I have a greater understanding of what death is and therefore, am not afraid. I have a desire to help others overcome their fear of dying as well.
