Difficulty Being Back in My Body

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I was very depressed and barely ate anything for months. I thought that a bottle of sleeping pills would be sufficient to kill me. I took the pills at a supermarket one block from my house. Within minutes I felt disoriented and wondered if I would make it home.

I arrived home and went to bed. My world ceased to exist, except for my mind, and an incredible feeling of wrong and unease beyond words. I remained trapped in this condition for an eternity, which seemed like hell for there was no possibility of hope or change, just a timeless eternal agony. Eventually I floated above my body and saw myself convulsing on the bed. At some point, I re-entered my body and came back to life.

After three years, I still have difficulty being back in my body. Exercise is difficult and I have to be careful or I injure myself. I do not have the ability to plan for the future. I am much quieter than before and am able to meditate for the first time in my life. I feel a connection to God, which was unthinkable before. At times I am filled with so much love that I feel I may burst. When I obtain a meditative state I "hear" a sound that can sound like ringing, electrical wires, pulsing harmonics or angels singing. Life has lost its former meaning. I live only to know God.

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