Difficulty Being Back in My Body

Print
E-mail

I was very depressed and barely ate anything for months. I thought that a bottle of sleeping pills would be sufficient to kill me. I took the pills at a supermarket one block from my house. Within minutes I felt disoriented and wondered if I would make it home.

I arrived home and went to bed. My world ceased to exist, except for my mind, and an incredible feeling of wrong and unease beyond words. I remained trapped in this condition for an eternity, which seemed like hell for there was no possibility of hope or change, just a timeless eternal agony. Eventually I floated above my body and saw myself convulsing on the bed. At some point, I re-entered my body and came back to life.

After three years, I still have difficulty being back in my body. Exercise is difficult and I have to be careful or I injure myself. I do not have the ability to plan for the future. I am much quieter than before and am able to meditate for the first time in my life. I feel a connection to God, which was unthinkable before. At times I am filled with so much love that I feel I may burst. When I obtain a meditative state I "hear" a sound that can sound like ringing, electrical wires, pulsing harmonics or angels singing. Life has lost its former meaning. I live only to know God.

Latest Entries

The Light Within

My father had died a few months before. We had a many issues between us, and it was very difficult to let him go. I refused to leave his side while he was dying, as if to make up for all the things that happened while he was alive.After his death I experienced grief. Wow, I never knew it would feel like that! I forgot how to do my job or relate to other people. I had a hard time acting and feeling normal, but I managed to get by.

Read more...
 
Everything is Love

One evening, I was talking with a friend on the phone who knew that I was interested in exploring different spiritual practices and religions. He said, "Hey, you should check out a Society of Friends meeting. They don't have any sermons and just meditate for an hour or so together." I was intrigued and after we hung up I looked them up on the Internet. I found out that they were what I knew as "the Quakers" and after only a few minutes of searching, came across a posting that explained a style of meditation they do called "Looking for the light within." I printed it out, took it to my bed and read what it said. It was very simple: Get into a comfortable position, close your eyes, focus your attention on the darkness and look for a light within. When you see a light, focus on it. So that's exactly what I did.

Read more...
 
NDE in Pre-Term Labor

I was in the hospital with pre-term labor. The physician on duty administered turbutaline (brethine) intravenously. Within seconds, I didn't feel right, grew very hot and had barely said "Something doesn't feel right" when I blinked out of my normal version of consciousness and blinked into the void. The medication stopped my heart (I later learned). I was in a vast dark place that was quite peaceful. I wasn't sure where I was but knew that I was fully conscious and no longer in my body. I tried to wiggle my toes and fingers but discovered I had none. I knew I existed in only pure consciousness.

Read more...