2001 North American Conference

Conference Presentation Materials

NDEs and the 12 Steps

presented by
Karl Williamson
Chris Carson

The Founding of a Movement: Bill Wilson's Light Experience

"His hands clasped the footboard of the bed.  But how? How? The cancer of alcohol had already killed his mind, his will, his spirit, and it was only a matter of time before it would kill his body.  Yet at this moment, with the last vestige of pride, the last trace of obstinacy crushed out of him, still he knew he wanted to live.

His fingers relaxed a little on the footboard, his arms slowly reached out and up.  "I want," he said aloud, "I want...."

Ever since infancy, they said, he'd been reaching out this way, arms up, fingers spread, and as far back as he could remember he'd been saying just that.  But always before it had been an unfinished sentence.  Now it had it's ending.  He wanted to live.  He would do anything, anything, to be allowed to go on living.  "Oh God," he cried, and it was the sound not of a man, but of a trapped and crippled animal.  "If there is a God, show me, Show me.  Give me some sign."

As he formed the words, in that very instant he was aware first of a light, a great white light that filled the room, then he suddenly seemed caught up in a kind of joy, an ecstasy such as he would never find words to describe.  It was as though he were standing high on a mountaintop and a strong clear wind blew against him, around him, through him -but it seemed a wind not of air, but of spirit- and as this happened he had the feeling that he was stepping into another world, a new world of consciousness, and everywhere now there was a wondrous feeling of Presence which all his life he had been seeking.  No-where had he ever felt so complete, so satisfied, so embraced.

This happened, and it happened as suddenly and as definitely as one may receive a shock from an electrode, or feel heat when a hand is placed close to a flame.  Then when it passed, when the light slowly dimmed, and the ecstasy subsided-and whether this was a matter of minutes or much longer he never knew; he was beyond any reckoning of time- the sense of Presence was still there about him, within him.  And with it there was still another sense, a sense of rightness.  No matter how wrong things seemed to be, they were as they were meant to be.  There could be no doubt of ultimate order in the universe, the cosmos was not dead matter, but a part of the living Presence, just as he was part of it.

Now, in place of the light, the exaltation, he was filled with a peace such as he had never known.  He had heard of men who'd tried to open the universe to themselves; he had opened himself to the universe.  He had heard men say there was a bit of God in everyone, but this feeling that he was a part of God, himself a living part of the higher power, was a new and revolutionary feeling."